Any ideas on what to do about this person?

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10 Mar 2008, 1:48 am

Thanks zee....I am sensitive. Re: tool shed - I was a child with no parents and autistic with no treatment. Anyway, I suppose others can find other ways of being. I do not interfere but strengthen myself with thought. And science. The Haven is supposed to be a place where ideas are to be considered and sensitivity honored.

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UtukXul
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10 Mar 2008, 11:21 am

Maybe you should have considered anas sensitivity, she was really upset about the things you said to her.

Ana54
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10 Mar 2008, 11:53 am

LabPet wrote:

TREATMENT!! ! And since you said autistic and not depressed, I'm guessing the treatment wasn't for depression caused by people treating you like s**t. I'm just curious; are you a behaviorist or did you just want people to show you the ropes to some things but it's totally your choice? I really hope it's the latter.

BenYoung
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10 Mar 2008, 1:03 pm

I think that Labpet's comments were meaningful and relevant (and definitely well-intentioned), even if they did not help Ana's issue. For someone who does not have, they always look first at the good that other's have. But for those who do have, they have to figure out how to deal with it, which can be hard.

Ana, you probably do not want to cut all ties with your parents, but it might help to give your mother a definite limit on your communications at this point. e.g. once a week by email, and nothing personal. I have not had such a difficult time as you do, but I found it necessary to tell my mother I had to limit our communication. She found it impossible to give me the freedom I needed even after I was married, and this approach helped alot.

You obviously had to ignore her for a while just in order to get away, but soon you can start redefining your relationship from a distance, and you can have some control over how your new relationship will work. Give it alot of time.

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sartresue
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10 Mar 2008, 2:16 pm

LabPet wrote:

Then why beleaguer the point - psychodrama?

If, for whatever reason(s), your mummy does not meet your standards, just move on. Bitterness never solves anything. I realize no parent is perfect, but your mother has shown she does love you and cares for your well-being, even if she might be misguided. Just wondering...have you ever said to her, "Thank you, I am grateful for your effort and sacrifice."? Because she has tried for you. Have you considered she might be frustrated with your behavior too? I'm not intending to blame you or anyone, but sometimes stepping back and viewing objectively is advantageous.

Just another thought - tirades about parents become tiresome for me. Here's why: I do not have parents and I would have given anything to have someone even write me a message, showing you her love, caring for you. Please consider what you've got and what you've taken too. I'm sorry if your mum isn't to your liking, but what do you want? What is her intent? Maybe she goes about the parenting thing all wrong - I do not know. But she shows motherly love - appreciate that. I don't 'get' that you expect her to buy you better food, that you want her to let you hang around with just anyone for friends, etc. She is your mother; have some respect.

FYI: I was always a 'good girl,' performed well in school, very conscientious, and really autistic. When I was a teenager, right after high school, I had NO ONE. This means I lived in a tool shed for 2 years (6' x 8') with bedding straw and ate from a dumpster. Need a remind you Alaska is cold in the winter. THINK, Ana. I have tried very hard.

You may choose to disengage instead of chronic whining and attention seeking. Sorry if this is harsh, but you keep begging for answers. What precisely is your question?

LabPet Appreciation topic

I am going to be the ultraconservative parent here. Yay, Labpet. Start your own support thread. I would appreciate it! Thanks.

And Ana54, I hope you are going to be all right. Best of luck.

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zee
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10 Mar 2008, 2:26 pm

Is this a "support thread", or was she asking for advice? Judging by the title, I'd say it's the latter.

(But there seem to be a number of people in this section who start threads seemingly asking for advice, then ignore countless poster's well-thought-out responses.)

Ana54
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10 Mar 2008, 4:00 pm

It was a little of each. It was a support thread. I was asking for advice on whether I was being mean to her, I guess. I'm sorry; I'm an idiot; I don't know how to communicate sometimes.

GoatOnFire
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10 Mar 2008, 5:48 pm

Ana54 wrote:

It was a little of each. It was a support thread. I was asking for advice on whether I was being mean to her, I guess. I'm sorry; I'm an idiot; I don't know how to communicate sometimes.

That doesn't make you an idiot, that makes you an aspie.

I'm not preaching I'm just giving my opinion. I really think that LabPet means well, although I can see why you wouldn't think so. If you read her responses carefully you will see that you probably struck a chord in her because of her own circumstances. She has never had parents so she has a difficult time comprehending your situation and probably has an idealistic view of parents. She means well though. You don't have to listen to her, but you shouldn't be nasty to her, unless she says it's okay. She was wrong when she said you weren't an aspie, that was an armchair diagnosis, although I admit I have made some of those myself. :oops:

I've met you and have little doubt that you are an aspie. You may be more socially skilled than I am, but I noticed that you are a very stimmy person (not a bad thing). You didn't seem like a totally NT person to me.

I even think your mother means well, moms just have some natural instincts that they can't overcome, although she is a bit of a cuss word nazi. I visited the commune and your mother would actually be pleased to know that you have the least "vitriolic language" of anyone there. It seemed to me like you f*****g cussed less than all of us, but maybe that's because you are a girl. f**k is a very versatile and beautiful word that isn't as bad as it seems, it's even my favorite word, your mother just doesn't understand what the word is about.

Oh, and if Rich hasn't read messages 45 and 52. Make sure he does, he'll probably get a laugh.

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UtukXul
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10 Mar 2008, 5:55 pm

GoatOnFire wrote:

Oh, and if Rich hasn't read messages 45 and 52. Make sure he does, he'll probably get a laugh.

Hm? .. Which posts are those?

GoatOnFire
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10 Mar 2008, 5:56 pm

UtukXul wrote:

GoatOnFire wrote:

Oh, and if Rich hasn't read messages 45 and 52. Make sure he does, he'll probably get a laugh.

Hm? .. Which posts are those?

Ana numbered them on her first post on this thread. Number 45 and 52.

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UtukXul
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10 Mar 2008, 6:01 pm

:lol: your mom is such a slut

GoatOnFire
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10 Mar 2008, 6:03 pm

UtukXul wrote:

:lol: your mom is such a slut

My mom a slut?

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Ana54
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10 Mar 2008, 6:05 pm

Mine isn't either. I think the only boyfriend she ever had sex with was my father. She said that, anyway.

UtukXul
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10 Mar 2008, 8:40 pm

GoatOnFire wrote:

UtukXul wrote:

:lol: your mom is such a slut

My mom a slut?

Noooo anas :wink:

Ana54
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14 Mar 2008, 6:27 am

Where did my last post in this thread go? It wasn't offensive at all. Probably less offensive than a lot of my other posts.

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