I need some words of encouragement.. (Updated!)

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PS: sorry for hijacking your thread. I just wanted to point out that there's always someone worse off than you. Even in my situation, I'm not some bum on the streets with a heroin addiction...

Well I talked to him last night. I'm surprised that it actually went pretty calmly. He told me about all the things he has been working on and he has improved in some small areas. He also said that he was just planning on fixing the big problem right now He has been working up to it and yesterday was going to be the start. Seeing the small bit of improvement he has made and the improvement I have made with not being so upset at small things.. I begin to feel that I should give him more time. But I am so afriad to do that thinking that maybe things will improve on the short term and as soon as I get complacent, he will slide back to the way he always has been and I'll be back where I started from.

He said that he hoped my promise to him and my love for him would be enough to keep me around while he works on himself. He said my promise should mean something to me. It does.. but I don't want to stay with him out of guilt/responsibility/fear of the unknown anymore I don't want to keep changing my mind and giving him more chances.

But then he also says.. the first year is always the hardest. Maybe I just need to wait longer...

He's so depressed right now and I feel terrible

What more would you like to know?

I don't care about the details, I guess what is important is- how many times have he already told you that he will fix this problem that he has? because if he's been unsuccesful before, maybe you should tell him that you're giving him one last try right now.

and make him believe it.

It's been many times and there's always been one last try..

so divorce him so we can end this thread at least lol.

I haven't read through all the posts here, but I have a suggestion for you mitharatowen. Have you considered doing this through a social worker? Social workers are excellent at providing advice for issues like this. I go to a social worker for issues in my social life with my family. It has helped. I know this sounds like generic advice, but I do think it is worth looking into. Social workers generally aren't that expensive to work through either. Mine charges 85$ for an hour session.

Errr kind of don't want to get involved, but oh well.

mitharatowen you told me that if you had higher self esteem you wouldn't have married him in the first place. That tells me you shouldn't have married him in the first place.

Ask yourself these questions.

Do you really like him?

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?

If not, ask him does he want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with him?

Also how much does he like you???

If you have decided to leave him or know you are going to leave him, do it. Don't torture him by making him try to improve himself etc and then leave him. Maybe you might be getting really picky about him because you don't want to be with him and his problems are not that bad.

^^ if you don't love him in the first place mitharatowen then this would be an enough major reason. If you don't have any kids then no hesitation should be occurred.

^^ I think she more or less want's to hear that what she's doing isn't wrong, and she wants some validation for her feelings.