Is is true that Aspie people don't tell lies?

Post Reply New Topic

I'm sure aspies are capable of lying. But mainly we tend not to because we don't see the point.

The problem with telling the truth is that people doubt me, perhaps my self doubt makes it a hard sell. Is it just me or is BSing the way people tell the truth, to me it feels like I have to talk around the issue to express anything.

I can state the truth (or at least how the truth seems to me) with such conflicting body language and facial expressions that others will scoff at me being such a bad liar.

I was quite confused and had a persucution complex for decades behind it. Now I know why it didn't register as truth with them, but - too late- the scar tissue is already too deep for scar free healing, I fear.

Aspies can certainly lie. I do it when it's for the best.
Autistic people must simply learn that don't tell lies is a false rule, and instead adopt the vastly more complicated set of rules about when it is okay to lie.

sure, i'm capable of telling many lies. and have before.

doesn't mean i like to though. if i could get by on honesty alone it'd be better. but sometimes a lie is neccessary. whether to save my own arse or to spare someone's feelings.

maybe aspies don't like to lie and are generally honest because our way of thinking makes us more idealistic about our ethics? idk

I lie sometimes, but I seem to be compulsively honest when someone asks me an opinion. This is terrible at work... the boss asks me what I think of something she wrote, and I have to tell her what's wrong with it. She did hire me partly to correct poor spelling and typographical errors, etc. But she doesn't like it when I answer a question honestly.

Anyway, I've noticed that all the NT's lie, and they're not particularly good at it... but they seem to have a contract going where everyone knows they're lying, and nobody minds.

For example, there are a few women in the office who clearly don't like me, but always smile to my face. One in particular, told lies about me, saying that I was the one leaving the kitchen a mess (this despite the fact that I don't eat at work, and therefore don't use the kitchen.) I know for a fact she has been gossiping about me, because I hear back from people. I have very acute hearing, and sometimes I'll hear someone on the phone talking about me. (Usually my boss, phoning up the woman who told the kitchen lie.) There's another woman who offers sympathy, but I know for a fact that she gossips, and spreads rumours (which are a form of lie). So I find myself not trusting the ones who smile and lie. I prefer the ones who ignore me!

The biggest lie I've noticed round the office is to do with my boss. To her face the women are nice as pie, behind her back they rip into her, call her all manner of names, and plot little come backs and digs at her, to get some revenge without being caught. (For example, showing her something she's done, comparing it with something I've done, and saying, "have you seen what m... (that's me) has done? I much prefer your original..." (This being a way to criticise her to her face, by pretending they thought what they're criticising is my work, not hers.)

I've asked the woman who does this not to do it, because my boss gets very annoyed when someone tells her she's not as good at something as someone else. The woman gets her dig in, makes my boss feel incompetent, but then I've got to work with her for the rest of the day.

People seem to tell two lots of lies... lies between friends, and lies to rivals/enemies.

I hate the lot of them, lies that is. What about you guys?

I tell small lies all the time. About someone's new haircut for example. Or I fake to agree with something someone's talking about, even though I don't. The purpose of such conversation doesn't seem to be to have a discussion, it seems to be this little... "We're on the same team, right?" question. About haircuts, people want compliments to boost their self esteem when they ask your "opinion". They don't actually want your opinion.

"Do you like my new hair?" means "Care to boost my self-esteem?". "My boss says this and that, but that's not the way things should go, if they were smart they would've done this or that." means "Are we on the same team?"

I tend to play along.

That's an interesting thought... that most conversation is code for "are we on the same team." I suppose it could be that... I've always just assumed that most people were lying almost every time they opened their mouth. But if all they're doing is using culturally accepted codes to pat their egos, then maybe it's not lying, just a language I don't get.

So if people say something to me, expecting me to respond in "same team code", but I reply honestly, or accurately, what they hear is not "this letter needs to be rewritten," but "I'm not on your team."

It still doesn't necessarily help know how to function, but it does at least clarify to me a bit more what's going on.

So maybe what we should do is try and define what a lie is.

I lie now and again. I try not to though, not because I think it is wrong to lie (sometimes I think it is necessary) but because most people can see straight away that I am lying. I am very bad at it

mgran, I know how you feel, my Mom is exactly like those women at your job. Take her boss at work for example, you would think they were best friends because they hang out together, laugh together, share gossip, and always do favors for each others, yet when my Mom is not around her she'll often times talk trash about her, like when her boss had to take her son to the hospital a lot because he was urinating blood and my Mom would try to convince people she had a different motive for doing it. My Mom does that to everyone else too, she'll be all nice and best friends with somebody then turn around and say very horrible things about them to other people, yet when she gets caught doing it she always tries to justify it with her "I'm right and the world is wrong" attitude.

Sometimes I want so badly to tell these people what my Mom says about them behind their back, but I know if I do then both will get angry and my life will become hell.

Generally I'm pretty honest but I can tell a convincing lie in certain situations. Growing up I'd get out of trouble quite a bit because I could keep a straight face while doing it. I don't think I tell any hurtful lies or anything. I can't see a situation where I would.

I think autistics are much less likely to lie. However, they are also much worse at spotting social situations where they'll get away with lying and spotting the potential consequences, hence when they do lie the affects can be far worse.

I struggled with this greatly when I was a child and into my teenaged years...in a very similar way to what you describe.....I was an impulsive story teller....I could not help it...stuff would pop into my head....and then come out of my mouth....this tendency certainly blend in well with all my other awkward features....since my stories were so outrageously unbelievable Gah...I was born on an airplane that was flying across the Atlantic.... I would make up stories about news items I had seen.....it was so awful...Part of it maybe came from having such difficulty relating to others...but I am really not sure where it came from.
I gradually grew out of it..and only once in a while something will pop out of my mouth that isn't true. Often times it will not register till after it has happened...and then I will re-work it...blaming my memory for not serving me correctly...today's accidental lie was that my mom attended the Monterrey Pops concert...I don't know why I said it..in my mind there was the memory of this..I thought she said she'd attended one of those big historical concerts...I totally regret saying it...

Often times now when I am having an anecdote-based conversation, I will be self-conscious and sorta feel like I am lying...even though I am telling the truth...and then I become slightly paranoid that the person I am talking to thinks that I am lying...There is a possibility that I might register some sorta lying-body language even though I am telling the truth...I am not sure, but I think that when giving ancedotes, whoever you are talking to might think you are lying unless you make some attempt at eye contact..because the person I was talking to last night kept trying to force eye contact to accompany the stories...I painfully obliged and am now slightly plagued with vaguely scary eye contact flashbacks...

um...I tend to be pretty uncomfortable with conventional lying...I would rather say nothing at all than give a false complement...if I dislike someone, I find it very difficult to pretend to be nice to them and whatnot...

Wow, that's terrible. It's bad enough at work, let alone if you had to put up with it at home! Your Mom sounds like she has problems.

My problem is that I'll never say anything behind someone's back that I won't say to their face.

Lying isn't bad as long as it has a good purpose, I guess.

I think at work though, if they ask your opinion on something like a letter, I'm not sure if that's a "Are we on the same team?" question. If it's your job to do things like that, they probably do want you to check and maybe improve the letter. I was talking more about the silly social talk, about haircuts or what people did last weekend, that sort of stuff. Moaning about the boss.

So yeah, I do think most small talk is code for "Are we on the same team?". If someone says they've been skiing you should tell them "Nice!" even if you hate skiing, or going on holidays overall. You don't tell them "Oh. I don't like skiing." because you'll insult them. You basically just told them you're not on their team.

That's my theory anyway, lol. I didn't find anything that disproves it, so I'll just go with this for now.


With the letter thing, maybe you shouldn't try to make it PERFECT, because if you go on about all the things you'd change, you're probably making them feel stupid. Maybe just make it a letter that's fine, instead of perfect. Improve as few things as possible, but still make sure it'll be good enough to fulfill its purpose. That way you won't insult the person who wrote the letter originally (as much) yet the job's done.

I know it's hard to not perfectionise something, but often it's just much more efficient.

I have told some lies before but it is very hard for me to lie especially when its too a family member or friend.