Verbal Communications Differences and Difficulties Sticky

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Thank you - she's was not a co-worker as I'm a post-grad student. She's actually a sort-of nice person, to others, but has no realization, at all, of AS. In fact, she regards AS as an affront....sigh. She's "just a secretary" and treats me as if I'm lesser (no offense, I've met some really great secretaries). In any case, just being quiet is enough to make others (?) suspect. And why I will now speak and not write. Except in certain instances when writing is OK.

when i was a child i went through both physical and mental abuse. i believe that is why i started stuttering, not so bad at first, then....oh man..... at school the teasing became so bad i was put out of the classroom and into the hallway. yeah, that made it a whole lot better. no one would help me. i started skipping school and finally just did not speak. it was easier, and at least my father wouldn't laugh at me so hard. when i graduated high school at 17 i had missed at least 1/3 of school. many teachers thought i was mute. suited me.

as soon as i left school, i joined the military as a way to escape.

gradually, as i got older, my ability to communicate verbally increased. my stuttering is now somewhat manageable but i still want to punch the 18 year old sales girls who laugh at me. i never use a phone.

it's very hard to live in a talking world when you're not fluent. when you need to substitute words, most nt's think you're 'stupid'. you also lose the ability to coordinate what goes through your brain with what comes out your mouth.

i believe i would rather live in a mute world.

Wow.

So are you still in the military?

This thread has my head spinning..

This is very close to how I am, including being without a roof over my head.. but I chose to leave as a early teen (~5 years), as I felt it was for my own safety.
Then again I went 'bush' as an adult (~2 years), because I could not deal with any more of society after what I had to deal with.
I spend more time in my own head, then speaking to others.. I could care less if I hardly ever spoke with most people.
But I get called rude and many other things - confronted by room-mates in the past and every couple weeks still.. about not talking to them. Why do people always have to speak.. why do they need to flap their jaws, just to get some fulfillment from others..



I only stutter a tiny bit now, and only when upset or frustrated highly. I also tend to 'speak' with my hands alot - to the point I have been asked if I sign. I would be horrible at signing. To me that would be like trying to convert the images into words, into hand movements. My hand movements are very natural for me. I do it when I am typing.. stop typing and hand is flittering around - is how others describe it.

Abuse, of a kind.. I have no word for, is what I want to talk about in an area, I just do not know which one... here.

I know I would rather live with more of my kind.. but I do not know what that is.. I would settle for a wire.



Are words natural to you though? I see a word as a whole, not letter by letter and cannot do phonics - I need to hear the word spoken, and see it, before I can truly keep it.. and a clear 'image' of what it is. A car, is never just a car for me...

I had my eye exam yesterday - I hate them, as I truly feel like i am being tested.. and that is just silly.
But thankfully I have a great old eye doc and his accent alone helps to calm me.
But when I do the test, I am always 'finger spelling' the letters.

The assistant, ended up asking me if I signed, and I said no and explained how I process things.
She started to ask me a bunch of questions about visual-spatial processors (I dont like the word 'think' for this, as 'thinking' seems really slow)

I thought she had a grandchild that did it.. no, she did and so did her son.
She was excited to learn the term for it. lol

But because she had questions and ended up being close to how I process, it was easy to explain to her.


OFF TOPIC..
This is my first post in The Haven...

Question..

Is The Haven section, blocked from 'guest and spiders'? viewing, or is it open?
I feel the need to share a part of my past.. but I do not want it 'open' for just anyone to come across via google search.
I know there is a members only area.. but not sure if what I need to 'talk' about and have others insight on, is the best place for it.

hey happymusic.....your info for everybody to see when you post is very cool.

no, i left the military after 4 years. it started out ok. the food was terrific, i could sleep knowing i was safe, i became a flight leader by helping those who were poor students/readers(air force). my teeth were in terrible shape and they were replaced/repaired within the first month.

the thing about the military.......if you end up under/working for someone who is a miserable@%&$#*@$#%&, who's simply stupid and causes problems for you, who doesn't care if you get hurt/killed, or makes my father look like a kind person......you are screwed. can't quit, probably cannot change jobs, have to call 'sir', etc. if you complain farther up the chain....you will pay dearly. one year....two years. can you stand that?

good thing about being an enlisted airman/sgt. you do not have to speak unless you scream' sir, yes sir'. dealing with the guys i actually had to work with, well that was like being in high school.

surya...why not go to members only? you do know anyone can become a member without having any symptoms 'on the spectrum', so nothing is really safe.

Yes, I think words are very natural to me, although apparently my word-choice and sequencing aren't "natural" to every-day talk. I even read at an average pace because I have to say the words in my head on par with speaking-speed. With all this I wonder why I have such horrible communication problems, but I guess it's just "autism" and it's unrelated to thinking method.

Thank you. I really like WP.



My parents were military (my mom still is) - I'm an army brat. I really liked growing up in that because it was so structured but my stepdad would come home very angry every day from work. I bet he could sympathize with you. I think he's pretty happy these days though - considering he retired at 42

Regarding people who don't care if you die - my mom's boss was deployed because someone higher up wanted to get even with him about something. And there was nothing anyone could do. What an abuse of power. I wonder how someone like that goes to sleep at night.

I hope your current situation is happier.

Sigh. As I am aging, I am losing nouns faster and faster. It used to take up to three days to recover a noun. Now it can take up to a week. I leave blanks in the novel I am writing and go back to fill in the nouns later.

I seem to react to stress with loss of speech.

My very favorite cat at work (I considered her "my" cat) was euthanized. I also learned this weekend that my best and only friend is moving across the country. I did talk to Mom today, and to Dad and Sister on the phone, but I think outside of my apartment, my words will be gone. I can feel it... I may have to cancel my appointments for the week and try my best to function at work.

Supertrouper: I am so sorry about your loss of two friends.

hey super troup------hang in there friend

Thanks, guys. It's not going too badly. I'm super quiet, but I can squeeze out a few words here and there when need be. I just hope my depressed mood is temporary...

..

I know that for myself, I tend to no say a great deal for fear of appearing un-intelligible or boring. I wish there was more for me to say but, I''d rather not pester anyone in this thread yet, I offer a sincere gesture though..


ProfessorX

it seems i need to accept myself as more autistic and less verbal than i thought .. but i struggle to accept that .. sigh ..

it's fine believing you are all sorts of grand things as long as you are hiding under your bed .. but out in the world .. i realise i'm small .. silent .. scared .. weak? .. needy? .. defenseless .. ? maybe .. but like many seem to say .. better being small and silent and real than a big loud fake .. (i try to believe) (and accept)