scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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Oddly my mood has changed! I left my room and started hanging around my mother and I feel better now. Earlier in the room I was with my brother(we share a room) and I felt really depressed and just wanted to end things.

I wonder if my brother's energy affected my energy today(and many other days as well). I am sensitive to the environment around me, especially people's emotions.

I also noticed that if I don't socialize in a while I also get depressed, yet I always think of myself as an introvert. I'm such an odd individual.

7...? It's weird since I've been feeling a little ill all week but now, nada. I just feel... I don't know, more or less like I usually do.

Trying not to ):

Maybe, as time goes on, you could create a new FB account under your maiden name(that's what I did), and have the support of friends and family now. I went for years wanting/needing the connection, especially having moved away from my home country, but allowed myself to be controlled. Taking back control has been amazing! It's made a massive difference being able to reconnect with old friends and family again. Best thing I ever did! I too, used to not share with anyone, keeping to myself and suffering in silence for way too many years...

-10.

The modern society sucks. And the more frustrating part is that most of us are too pacified to do the right thing and make it sane again.

You're right, I should definitely try to teach out to friends. I don't really have any friends or family. The family I do have aren't supportive and they never were. I do have amazing online friends though.

7

-5, something someone said is f*cked up and shouldn't be reality.

0

I keep trying to write this post. To find words that can express me. It feels futile to even try. At best I get empty platitudes and at worst thorough invalidation in response to any attempt.

-10

Who could ever like this (points at self)?

^^^i have found, that one must start with oneself. no way around that.

No engagement. Just one of those empty "love thyself" sentiments tossed around every day. No interrogation of the content of the sentiment. I don't believe in that idea. I think it's more complicated and that phrase just makes me want to either die or destroy the world. Your advice makes me want to die more than I already did. There's nothing actionable in it, nothing of real content, nothing to build off of, just if you don't already love yourself you're f****d or find some narcissistic short circuit to get past it all and become one of the weird egotistical craps that make the world worse in the wake of their actions that reinforce that ideas of themselves.

I'm sorry, if there's one piece of advice I hate it's the whole "of you don't love yourself then you can't love another" thing. I have loved myself, for my whole life, but when faced by such constant rejection by everyone I'm struggling to maintain it. It's not a failure in my self love, it's doubt creeping in through all the reactions, the words and faces I've received over the course of my life. This is no failure of self love to show others my value, this is a shutout of being valued feeding back into my ability to love myself. This is the very thing that humans are designed to learn from. Does anyone have half an origination thought that can see beyond the platitudinal crap everyone has been inculcated with? I want to smash you right now.

Show me anyone that can survive such a thing and I'll show you a stone.

Last edited by la_fenkis on 01 Dec 2019, 11:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

go ahead and smash me then. as soon as i stopped wanting more from this hellworld than it wanted to give me, a relief of sorts took place in my life. a cold comfort is better than no comfort at all. a -1 is still better than a -10.

I've written five responses to this in my head and none of them can get the point across. I don't want to keep explaining myself!! !! !! !! !!?! !?! !! !! !! !! ! f**k the platitudes. f**k the nonsense. f**k so the BS proffered by everyone! Stop it! Just f*****g stop it!

-10, I feel guilty.