scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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Lukario
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16 Dec 2019, 5:45 pm

-11, suicide wanted.

kraftiekortie
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16 Dec 2019, 5:55 pm

Do you want to talk about it, Lukario?

auntblabby
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16 Dec 2019, 10:02 pm

And So It Goes wrote:

Probably on a 0, bordering into the negatives.The reason can be found here: viewtopic.php?t=150214&start=27780

sounds from that description that you have a lot on your plate.

And So It Goes
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17 Dec 2019, 5:11 am

auntblabby wrote:

Sounds from that description that you have a lot on your plate.

I appreciate you taking the time to read it.

It does get too much some days, and I know with enough optimism and action it can change. It's finding the strength as well as time to move things forward to a better life.

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auntblabby
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17 Dec 2019, 5:13 am

And So It Goes wrote:

auntblabby wrote:

Sounds from that description that you have a lot on your plate.

I appreciate you taking the time to read it.

It does get too much some days, and I know with enough optimism and action it can change. It's finding the strength as well as time to move things forward to a better life.

having a mate and an offspring and having to keep a roof over them is definitely more than i could muster even on a good day. so you may feel less than 100% but your level of functioning would be about 400% of my functioning even at my best.

Fireblossom
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17 Dec 2019, 6:41 am

About -5, both physically and mentally.

And So It Goes
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17 Dec 2019, 11:19 am

auntblabby wrote:

Having a mate and an offspring and having to keep a roof over them is definitely more than i could muster even on a good day. so you may feel less than 100% but your level of functioning would be about 400% of my functioning even at my best.

I appreciate that

Regardless of where my functioning would sit measured against everyone else's, I've seemed to inherit my mother's stoicism and stiff upper lip.

I will just continue to push myself, despite my partner telling me to slow down or sit down.

Edna3362
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17 Dec 2019, 5:40 pm

I'm not sure... Except I just kept drifting into the whims of what my body says and what my mind is programmed to.
A part of me knows this will end someday, and I don't mean the big sleep nor becoming vegetable.

But I do want my fire. Not from hormones or the food I ate of course. But fire... Inner fire.
Yet a part of me, a part of me that is bigger than what I knew about me, insists that to learn warmth I have to be out on the cold.

How am I supposed to learn acceptance beyond the whims of the mind and body?

Yeah and it's so-not bipolar, depression, and the executive dysfunction of a full blown ADD adult rolled in one. :roll: :lol:

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dragonsanddemons
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17 Dec 2019, 6:12 pm

-7 Still trying and failing to find something that will help me live independently. It's looking more and more like such a thing does not exist in my area - either I'm too high-functioning in some areas, too low-functioning in others, or the program is exclusively for the elderly. I hate being stuck in this in-between position where I'm not disabled enough to get assistance but am too disabled to get by without it. I don't want to have to live with my parents for the next thirty years with barely anything in my life changing for the better, until I do qualify for some of the senior programs. Plus, had my therapist minimize some of my struggles and emphasize how high-functioning I am, saying I may be too high-functioning for the program that requires participants to be employed anyway. Um, if I'm not high-functioning enough to hold a job, I think that means I'm actually not high-functioning enough for the program.

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cathylynn
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17 Dec 2019, 11:28 pm

dragonsanddemons wrote:

minimization hurts.

cathylynn
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17 Dec 2019, 11:30 pm

no one local i can count on. family all letting me down except my husband who has a fatal illness.

AnneOleson
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18 Dec 2019, 12:14 am

^^ So sorry to hear that.

cathylynn
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18 Dec 2019, 12:21 am

AnneOleson wrote:

^^ So sorry to hear that.

thank you.

AnneOleson
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18 Dec 2019, 12:37 am

I wish I could be more articulate. I understand the aloness of your situation.

auntblabby
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18 Dec 2019, 3:07 am

And So It Goes wrote:

I will just continue to push myself, despite my partner telling me to slow down or sit down.

don't push yourself TOO hard. be kind to yourself.

And So It Goes
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18 Dec 2019, 4:46 am

auntblabby wrote:

don't push yourself TOO hard. be kind to yourself.

I try to, but I seem to have conditioned myself into altruism.

I've been that used to disillusionment and disappointment that I've forgone my needs, wants and desires. I've often been placid, and a 'man of simple pleasures' but it's now difficult to not be over complacent.

Especially when whatever my needs, wants and desires are, they seem like the tallest of asks and impossible to fulfill.

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scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?