scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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another day closer to heaven, 2.54

-2

כואב לי כל כך הרבה שאני לצחצח שיניים
אני אידיוט

1.75. the weather is palpable in my bones and sinews.

1. I think my Crush and my friend like each other and i'm having a depressive episode because of it. I also feel guilty because we have a age gap with my Crush.

-8

nice drawings and good that you're brushing.

Uh...why?

0.

I feel apprehensive about entering the new decade.

I have achieved a lot of things others (myself included) initially dismissed and deemed unlikely. Education, a life, great health, a relationship, a family, and on the cusp of a fulfilling, possibly life-changing career.

Approaching 30 and my sense of pride has withered. I can't be kind to myself. I self loathe. Convinced I look overweight, when others state the opposite.

I try to use positive affirmations, but I feel like I could've used my 20's more productively. Though, in a sense I have.

Is it because I used them in a way I didn't expect to? Because my life didn't adhere to my plan? How do I condition this rigid brain into reminding it that life seldom goes to plan, and that there are twists, turns and obstacles you overcome to grow and learn from? Routes change, times change, so why the dissociation after accepting the changes?

I'm torn by the shrouding negativity, despite all the positivity I have managed to achieve when fully in control of my life. Rebuilding bridges I thought were burnt.

I should feel proud, and confident, but instead, I am riddled with angst and persistent worry, despising how at times I feel compelled to label myself a "tortured artist". Depressive episodes, and heaps of procrastination to fight.

Lots of I's, with two more to finish, I hope that from all of this, I will break out of this self-tormenting catch 22 and learn to be kind to myself, strive in my confidence and relax a little more.

All because it's another year and another decade.

1

A little bit nervous.

4. I'm faring a bit better than expected. I don't know if changing jobs is a good idea but the atmpsphere at work is suffocating me. And i'm hurt by my coworkers cold behavior.

6

-9 IM SO f*****g LONELY AAAAAAA


why does healing take so
LONG



take me back to 1910. modern medicine ain't worth it

+5

It would be higher, but my curry order was delivered with way too much cayenne.

I told them, "Spicy", not "Nuclear blast-furnace hot"!

4

Read a number of papers yesterday. Laboring in interesting ideas after a time of indolence felt good.

To the Loneliest One

There is in certain living souls
A quality of loneliness unspeakable
So great it must be shared
As company is shared by lesser beings.
Such a loneliness is mine; so know by this
That in immensity
There is one lonelier than you."

[Theodore Sturgeon- 1918-1985]

huh