Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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Oh just wondering the usual,
How are you?
What do you think of me?
Do you miss me?
Questions I probably will never know the answers to. I want them though, my mind burns with them. Are they too much to ask for? What is so hard about answering?

Or are you afraid of encouraging me, like I don't have feelings to deal with. Leaving me in the dark is less important than following your stupid friendship rules. I try as hard as I can, to be a friend, and what do I get? Someone talking behind my back. Someone covering their ass so they can get me in trouble. Someone who says one thing and does another. You said we could talk about this. You agreed to it. You lied and I want to hold you accountable. I was upset about how we were communicating through wrong planet, now it's all I cling to. Like some f****d up ret*d. All we do is stalk each other and search for things we will never find in stead of communicating. You have to always feel you are right and I can't call BS about the situation. Maybe it's my fault for not communicating that. And your fault for never listening. It's always feels like I am the one who has to change. You change though, and I wonder where you are right now.

So long ago, yet so much pain. I still miss you though. Do you need me to spell everything out for you?

Edit: I am a damned masochist.

Am I wishing you were something you are not? Are you someone who can listen, and I can talk to and share my concerns with? Am I dreaming, creating an image which will never exist? I only hope you will be someone I can get along with, and I hope I can be someone you can get along with. I fear that change happened, but it was too late, we were to far apart and one of us decided to go elsewhere. What has become of us since then?

Dear oblivious ret*d, (hey, you know I mean that with the greatest of affection)

When I say "I have noone to talk to during the breaks at orchestra," what that translates as is "I MISS YOU."
You've talked to me enough to know that I don't get lonely, and thus I don't really care whether I have anyone to talk to during break.
But I do miss you.
YOU. Not "someone to talk to". Not "company". Not even "someone to discuss music with"; I have a whole orchestra full of people for that; a few of who are even better than you to talk music with because they've studied classical music to the same extent that I have.
I don't care about company, but I miss your company.

you people are so lucky

Dear mind/consciousness

Why do you torture me so?
When will you ever be on my side?

From,
Me

Dear person,

It's all about you. Every single freaking thing is just all about you. You were there physically, but never had much presence in my life.

We never did anything as a family. "Family" was the group of friends who did everything together and were there for each other. "Family" was my homeroom teachers and the school counselor who suggested getting me tested for autism. You were not family. You were a note left on the door with leftovers in the fridge.

I'm sure you must be a wonderful person, but I wish you would have

Dearest One,

I don't understand you, you don't understand me. Can we start from there? Will we ever communicate effectively? Can we remove the shackles of perception? Can you see me as I am? Can i see you as you are? We both want to start over, is an open mind possible? Or will the past be an eternal stumbling block in our future together?
If I could turn the clock back, I would; Instead let's face up to this as we have done with the other challenges, you are worth it to me and I hope I am worth it to you.

Slan go foill

Dear backstabbers, all of you,

I hope you enjoy Hell when you go there to rot. I hope karma bites you hard and does not let go. You think it's funny to say I should apply for euthanasia if I'm 'that ret*d'? You think it's acceptable to Photoshop conversations between me and you to attempt to make my boyfriend break up with me? You think trying to guilt-trip me to the point where I relapse is right? You even think it's funny to make up a completely bullsh*t reason to get my novel, that I've worked on since I was fourteen, deleted? Yeah, do you? Well then, "Bronte", "X-Men", "Gothica", "Half-Moon Flower" and "Mrs. President"...GO TO F*CK*NG HELL AND ROT THERE! EVERY SINGLE F*CK*NG ONE OF YOU! I HOPE KARMA STICKS TO YOU LIKE GLUE AND DOES NOT LET UP! I HOPE YOU HAVE TO WATCH ME SUCCEED AS AN AUTHOR IN FRONT OF YOU!

Yeah, I will succeed. You know I'm not gonna stop. I have backup plans motherf*ck*rs! A lot of them. You're gonna see me become good one day, and you're gonna have to walk past my books on the shelf in Waterstones, WHSmiths or wherever, and you're gonna remember how you treated me...and you're gonna regret it. You're gonna see the adverts on TV when my books get made into films, directed by my boyfriend-or-husband, and you're gonna read the fanfics on them...and I'm gonna be sitting there, not even casting a second thought your way.

Now go to Hell and rot there. Rot there for eternity.
LMH.



That felt good. Real good.

Dear all six of you,

Today is the day.

From me.

Dear possible delusion,

I'm confused by you. I guess I'll never know for sure.

From,
Me

Dear colleagues,
If I want to say something, I will tell you. Sometimes I just don´t have anything to say becasue my thoughts are probably boring for you. AND: being quiet does not always mean being shy or tired.
From Me

I miss our chats.

Dear family,
I wish you would understand. I wish you could not make me feel worse than I already feel about myself. You are too loud, I just want the noise to stop. The headaches the bright lights, the noise. It makes me feel like I don't want to live on this planet anymore. Not that you should ever have the fear that I would commit suicide, i'm to much of a coward for that. I wish I could leave a family event and for someone to say,"It's okay" and not "You have to learn tolerance and patience" I can't think when I'm around your bass filled music that gives me nausea and when you make me dance I want to cry and hide in the bathroom all night. I just want it to stop.

Happy Birthday.

Dear //////,

I don't think I can keep wondering. I know I'm not good enough and this much uncertainty is becoming unbearable.

I hope you can find what you're looking for. I really wanted it to work, but these things rarely do.

_______

Dear \\\\\\,

Surely you can't be upset with me for not liking something you like. I told you to try something I liked and you didn't. I didn't stop talking to you, did I?

_______

Dear Me,

The people with those attitudes towards an aspect of your life keep popping up. Maybe you should just quit while you're ahead.

From,
Me

Dear you

Have you screwed me over? Has this actually happened? You know how naive I am, have you really taken advantage of that? I believed you, I trusted you implicitly.

Do you realise that if you fixate on anything enough, it can consume you? Yes I had messed up, and darling so had you, I've taken ownership for my words and actions, made amends. You took my integrity and turned it into an absolute admission of guilt.Used it to justify deeds that can only be described as revolting. Your version of truth is twisted and gnarled beyond all recognition, you have peddled this vileness as truth to your family. My character assassination became the catalyst for your estranged neurotic family to bond again as one unit.
I'll bet they couldn't believe their luck.

I fear that I have made a grade A Gobshite out of myself for this relationship

Sincerely me.