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scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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IsabellaLinton
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23 Jan 2020, 6:52 pm

8 :heart:


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dragonsanddemons
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23 Jan 2020, 7:10 pm

+2 Spent most of the day either trying to sleep or messing around on my phone because I didn't sleep well last night due to my bronchitis. It interfered with my attempts to sleep today, too, but I managed to get some sleep. Just took a bath and am warming up under some blankets with my favorite beverage next to me. Enjoying the fact that I don't have to take another bath or shower for a couple days, and that I have half a year before I have to see the dentist again (assuming I don't have any dental problems arise) since I had my routine cleaning yesterday.


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la_fenkis
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25 Jan 2020, 1:43 am

1.

Feeling rather lonely.

Back at school and work but my heart isn't in it. I think my perspective and values have shifted and I've fallen out of love with my field of study.

Don't feel like I fit in anywhere, including here. Especially at school/work.

Wondering why communications with a new friend suddenly tapered off. Maybe it's nothing but my head keeps saying "maybe they learned something about you they don't like and, like everyone else, decided you're not worth their time."

I remembered for a moment what silence was like and then almost cried.

Can't sleep but nothing is catching my interest.

Mood is tracking generally downwards as the night goes on.

I'll stop being a bother now.



Last edited by la_fenkis on 25 Jan 2020, 1:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

Kiprobalhato
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25 Jan 2020, 1:54 am

4

בעוד שבועיים אלך לצפון. ואלך בלעדיה
כל כך שמח.


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auntblabby
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25 Jan 2020, 2:00 am

Kiprobalhato wrote:
4

בעוד שבועיים אלך לצפון. ואלך בלעדיה
כל כך שמח.

רק מה זה, שתלך בלעדיו?



Kiprobalhato
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25 Jan 2020, 2:10 am

אני אלך בלי הילדה שביזבזה את הזמני במשך שבע שנים. אני עוזב אותה פה

...לא אכפת לה...ולא יודעת, אבל...

אני לא רוצה לנסוע במשך 18 שעות. אבל אין ברירה אחרת


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הייתי צוללת עכשיו למים
הכי, הכי עמוקים
לא לשמוע כלום
לא לדעת כלום
וזה הכל אהובי, זה הכל.


funeralxempire
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25 Jan 2020, 2:13 am

+6 or so?


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auntblabby
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25 Jan 2020, 2:29 am

Kiprobalhato wrote:
אני אלך בלי הילדה שביזבזה את הזמני במשך שבע שנים. אני עוזב אותה פה

...לא אכפת לה...ולא יודעת, אבל...

אני לא רוצה לנסוע במשך 18 שעות. אבל אין ברירה אחרת

לפחות אתה יכול להיות אסיר תודה שיש לך מכונית יוקרה נחמדה, חלקה, שקטה, רגועה, מרגיעה, ברמה, שעמה אתה יכול לנסוע צפונה. עם זאת, היזהרו ממלכודות האכיפה של הגבלת המהירות שלנו.
אם היית צריך לנהוג במכונית שלי, רוב הסיכויים שתעייף מאוד אחרי נסיעה קצרה.



la_fenkis
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25 Jan 2020, 5:56 am

-3

Spent the last few hours mostly staring off into space trying to figure out anything that's worth doing. Read a couple things online. Went back to staring off into space. Thought of writing various posts; remembered that, unless it's to take issue with me, nobody seems to engage or care much about what I have to say about anything.

This whole thing hit me dead center:

Quote:
1. Emotional connection. The suicidal often feel alone. They may have a partner, a family, friends, but they still feel alone. Because having people around us does not mean we are connected to them. So what is this elusive connection? Being seen for how we truly are - all our bad stuff, and being accepted and loved despite it all. Our desire to feel love is strong, yet can be quite unconscious.

Of course, most of us are far too ashamed of how we feel to let anyone else see it, me included. And in that shame we hide who we really are, or parts of us anyway. Even if we are with people, they don't see the "real" us - we see that part as unlovable. So who we really are never connects with anyone else, and thus we are isolated - desperately needing connection, too ashamed to make connection.

2. Physical connection. This could be sex (as part of our genetic programming to reproduce, or simply for pleasure), or be something much simpler. The need to be held, touched, hugged, stroked. Studies on monkeys showed massive detrimental effects on those that had no touch from others, and humans are no different - we need touch.

3. Support. In today's world people have become more insular. It is easier to conduct a life from home in front of a PC. People don't rely on each other anymore - we are fiercely independent. People can't fall back on a community, a support structure. This can be especially true for those who are not part of a close family. That may be because their family are no longer living or spread over a wide geographical area, or because they simply aren't close to their parents or siblings.

We need this support desperately. So we have people to fall back on when times are tough. People that can hold us in that space. People we can be ourselves with. People we can really talk to. And people we can have a laugh with, do things with, discuss things with. People that can help us. Sometimes all the therapy and medications in the world just won't work if people can't feel part of a group. What constitutes a group is not set in stone - does not need to be a big group, but there is something about multiple people interacting that can be much stronger than just being with people one-on-one.

4. Purpose. Everyone needs a reason to get out of bed in the morning. It might be to look after a family, to earn money for that family, to help friends, to overcome a challenge, to help those in need. There are lots of reasons, but we all need one. Theoretically, I have lots of reasons, but in my darkest moments there are only two I can fall back on. A promise I made to my sister not to kill myself (at least whilst she is still alive!), and one I made to myself to support my best friend during his poor health. Those can make me soldier on even when I don't really want to.


Zero out of four.

But who cares if la_fenkis is depressed. Tell it to get help and then ignore it until it goes away. Tell it to choose to be happy, to not be whiny, that everyone has problems but they soldier on anyway. Tell it that other people have it worse and so it's misery is surely a failure of its own constitution. Give it platitudes and aphoristic advice it surely hasn't heard a hundred times before and when it reacts negatively assume it's being unreasonable. Or just walk away.

I'm just going to leave the forum. This place hasn't seemed to help me one bit, if anything I'm worse for having come here.



Skilpadde
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25 Jan 2020, 7:26 am

+ 10

I just got some great games on the 3DS eshop, and I am having such a blast from the past! :mrgreen: :ninja:


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Edna3362
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25 Jan 2020, 9:42 am

Hmm...

My head's a 0.
My eyes are -4.
My mouth and tongue's on +6.
My throat's on 1+.
My neck's at -3.
My shoulder's at 0.
My arm's at -2.
My hands' are at -2.
My chest's about -1.
My stomach is -2.
My lower abdomen's 0.
My pelvis is 0.
My legs are +1.
My feet are on +3.
My toes are on 0.

My body feels... -3? That doesn't sound right. :lol:


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blooiejagwa
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25 Jan 2020, 9:53 am

3 ... I slept about 2.5 hours (broken sleep at that, as 1 child kept waking and other child woke early.) I don't know how I will get through the day


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Lukario
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25 Jan 2020, 3:05 pm

I don't care that a family member is hospitalized, f*ck it.



cathylynn
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25 Jan 2020, 7:06 pm

la_fenkis wrote:
-3

Spent the last few hours mostly staring off into space trying to figure out anything that's worth doing. Read a couple things online. Went back to staring off into space. Thought of writing various posts; remembered that, unless it's to take issue with me, nobody seems to engage or care much about what I have to say about anything.

This whole thing hit me dead center:
Quote:
1. Emotional connection. The suicidal often feel alone. They may have a partner, a family, friends, but they still feel alone. Because having people around us does not mean we are connected to them. So what is this elusive connection? Being seen for how we truly are - all our bad stuff, and being accepted and loved despite it all. Our desire to feel love is strong, yet can be quite unconscious.

Of course, most of us are far too ashamed of how we feel to let anyone else see it, me included. And in that shame we hide who we really are, or parts of us anyway. Even if we are with people, they don't see the "real" us - we see that part as unlovable. So who we really are never connects with anyone else, and thus we are isolated - desperately needing connection, too ashamed to make connection.

2. Physical connection. This could be sex (as part of our genetic programming to reproduce, or simply for pleasure), or be something much simpler. The need to be held, touched, hugged, stroked. Studies on monkeys showed massive detrimental effects on those that had no touch from others, and humans are no different - we need touch.

3. Support. In today's world people have become more insular. It is easier to conduct a life from home in front of a PC. People don't rely on each other anymore - we are fiercely independent. People can't fall back on a community, a support structure. This can be especially true for those who are not part of a close family. That may be because their family are no longer living or spread over a wide geographical area, or because they simply aren't close to their parents or siblings.

We need this support desperately. So we have people to fall back on when times are tough. People that can hold us in that space. People we can be ourselves with. People we can really talk to. And people we can have a laugh with, do things with, discuss things with. People that can help us. Sometimes all the therapy and medications in the world just won't work if people can't feel part of a group. What constitutes a group is not set in stone - does not need to be a big group, but there is something about multiple people interacting that can be much stronger than just being with people one-on-one.

4. Purpose. Everyone needs a reason to get out of bed in the morning. It might be to look after a family, to earn money for that family, to help friends, to overcome a challenge, to help those in need. There are lots of reasons, but we all need one. Theoretically, I have lots of reasons, but in my darkest moments there are only two I can fall back on. A promise I made to my sister not to kill myself (at least whilst she is still alive!), and one I made to myself to support my best friend during his poor health. Those can make me soldier on even when I don't really want to.


Zero out of four.

But who cares if la_fenkis is depressed. Tell it to get help and then ignore it until it goes away. Tell it to choose to be happy, to not be whiny, that everyone has problems but they soldier on anyway. Tell it that other people have it worse and so it's misery is surely a failure of its own constitution. Give it platitudes and aphoristic advice it surely hasn't heard a hundred times before and when it reacts negatively assume it's being unreasonable. Or just walk away.

I'm just going to leave the forum. This place hasn't seemed to help me one bit, if anything I'm worse for having come here.

is there something you can do to find a bit of purpose? when i lost my medical license and my previously biggest supporter started to find fault with everything i did, the local united way hooked me up with a couple of (introvert-friendly) volunteer positions for a few hours per week. in the grand scheme of things, it wasn't much but it was enough.



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26 Jan 2020, 12:04 am

Edna3362 wrote:
Hmm...

My head's a 0.
My eyes are -4.
My mouth and tongue's on +6.
My throat's on 1+.
My neck's at -3.
My shoulder's at 0.
My arm's at -2.
My hands' are at -2.
My chest's about -1.
My stomach is -2.
My lower abdomen's 0.
My pelvis is 0.
My legs are +1.
My feet are on +3.
My toes are on 0.

My body feels... -3? That doesn't sound right. :lol:

there are two ways of looking at those numbers- as an average, you are @ 0 [neutral] if you average all your numbers, depending on neutral weighting of each body part. or if you add/subtract 'em all up, it is -15. i hope for your sake it is neutral 0 and not -15.



IsabellaLinton
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26 Jan 2020, 12:07 am

I'm a zero. Stressy, but we'll see how the next 24 hours pan out.


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