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scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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dragonsanddemons
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04 Feb 2020, 9:39 pm

-2 Can't feel too much of any emotion. I rather doubt the hospital would actually help me. But I'm not suicidal or anything right now, so it's not necessary to go. Some things help for a while, but is there actually anything that can ease my depression for good? I've lost track of how many meds I've tried, plus general therapy, CBT, DBT, ECT, and TMS. What more can I do? Feeling like just giving up :(


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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


auntblabby
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04 Feb 2020, 9:41 pm

dragonsanddemons wrote:
-2 Can't feel too much of any emotion. I rather doubt the hospital would actually help me. But I'm not suicidal or anything right now, so it's not necessary to go. Some things help for a while, but is there actually anything that can ease my depression for good? I've lost track of how many meds I've tried, plus general therapy, CBT, DBT, ECT, and TMS. What more can I do? Feeling like just giving up :(

sometimes a radical change of scenery [lifestyle change] is required. :idea:



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04 Feb 2020, 10:00 pm

dragonsanddemons wrote:
-2 Can't feel too much of any emotion. I rather doubt the hospital would actually help me. But I'm not suicidal or anything right now, so it's not necessary to go. Some things help for a while, but is there actually anything that can ease my depression for good? I've lost track of how many meds I've tried, plus general therapy, CBT, DBT, ECT, and TMS. What more can I do? Feeling like just giving up :(


Hugssssss

I recall you mentioned you were going to move to an assisted living type of facility. Is that still happening?


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dragonsanddemons
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04 Feb 2020, 10:11 pm

auntblabby wrote:
dragonsanddemons wrote:
-2 Can't feel too much of any emotion. I rather doubt the hospital would actually help me. But I'm not suicidal or anything right now, so it's not necessary to go. Some things help for a while, but is there actually anything that can ease my depression for good? I've lost track of how many meds I've tried, plus general therapy, CBT, DBT, ECT, and TMS. What more can I do? Feeling like just giving up :(

sometimes a radical change of scenery [lifestyle change] is required. :idea:


I've been wondering whether moving into my own apartment (even if I need someone to come help me sometimes) would be helpful... but I'm also afraid it would only help for a little while until I stagnate there as well. We've also talked about possibly redecorating my bedroom to give me a change of scenery, I just have to 1. get it tidied up and 2. decide just how nostalgic I am about some things (for example, would it be a good idea to repaint the walls, or am I really attached to the color they are now?).


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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


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04 Feb 2020, 10:12 pm

dragonsanddemons wrote:
-2 Can't feel too much of any emotion. I rather doubt the hospital would actually help me. But I'm not suicidal or anything right now, so it's not necessary to go. Some things help for a while, but is there actually anything that can ease my depression for good? I've lost track of how many meds I've tried, plus general therapy, CBT, DBT, ECT, and TMS. What more can I do? Feeling like just giving up :(


If you aren't against the idea, human touch can be soothing. You could get a dose of oxytocin by giving your mom and dad a hug.


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dragonsanddemons
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04 Feb 2020, 10:18 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
dragonsanddemons wrote:
-2 Can't feel too much of any emotion. I rather doubt the hospital would actually help me. But I'm not suicidal or anything right now, so it's not necessary to go. Some things help for a while, but is there actually anything that can ease my depression for good? I've lost track of how many meds I've tried, plus general therapy, CBT, DBT, ECT, and TMS. What more can I do? Feeling like just giving up :(


Hugssssss

I recall you mentioned you were going to move to an assisted living type of facility. Is that still happening?


No, I finally heard back from them and it turns out that the reason for the one hundred percent employment rate they have is that employment is required in order to be a part of the program. So I don't get to do that unless I can get to the point where I can manage some sort of job. I'm still keeping an eye out for something that would work for me, though.


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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


IsabellaLinton
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04 Feb 2020, 10:20 pm

dragonsanddemons wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
dragonsanddemons wrote:
-2 Can't feel too much of any emotion. I rather doubt the hospital would actually help me. But I'm not suicidal or anything right now, so it's not necessary to go. Some things help for a while, but is there actually anything that can ease my depression for good? I've lost track of how many meds I've tried, plus general therapy, CBT, DBT, ECT, and TMS. What more can I do? Feeling like just giving up :(

sometimes a radical change of scenery [lifestyle change] is required. :idea:


I've been wondering whether moving into my own apartment (even if I need someone to come help me sometimes) would be helpful... but I'm also afraid it would only help for a little while until I stagnate there as well. We've also talked about possibly redecorating my bedroom to give me a change of scenery, I just have to 1. get it tidied up and 2. decide just how nostalgic I am about some things (for example, would it be a good idea to repaint the walls, or am I really attached to the color they are now?).


I hear you. I've wanted to redo my bedroom for years but I can't find a new duvet cover that I can tolerate for sensory reasons. Until I know what colour it will be, I won't paint my walls or wallpaper or get new window treatments, or design any artwork .... You get the idea. It all hinges on my sensory issues with bedding. Maybe if you paint, I'll paint too! That might get the ball rolling!


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dragonsanddemons
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04 Feb 2020, 10:25 pm

blackicmenace wrote:
dragonsanddemons wrote:
-2 Can't feel too much of any emotion. I rather doubt the hospital would actually help me. But I'm not suicidal or anything right now, so it's not necessary to go. Some things help for a while, but is there actually anything that can ease my depression for good? I've lost track of how many meds I've tried, plus general therapy, CBT, DBT, ECT, and TMS. What more can I do? Feeling like just giving up :(


If you aren't against the idea, human touch can be soothing. You could get a dose of oxytocin by giving your mom and dad a hug.


My dad just left earlier today on a business trip that will last all week, but I do sometimes cuddle with my mom on the couch. I'll try to remember to do that at times when I'm okay with touch (sometimes it's a good thing, sometimes it's a bad thing).


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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


dragonsanddemons
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04 Feb 2020, 10:39 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
dragonsanddemons wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
dragonsanddemons wrote:
-2 Can't feel too much of any emotion. I rather doubt the hospital would actually help me. But I'm not suicidal or anything right now, so it's not necessary to go. Some things help for a while, but is there actually anything that can ease my depression for good? I've lost track of how many meds I've tried, plus general therapy, CBT, DBT, ECT, and TMS. What more can I do? Feeling like just giving up :(

sometimes a radical change of scenery [lifestyle change] is required. :idea:


I've been wondering whether moving into my own apartment (even if I need someone to come help me sometimes) would be helpful... but I'm also afraid it would only help for a little while until I stagnate there as well. We've also talked about possibly redecorating my bedroom to give me a change of scenery, I just have to 1. get it tidied up and 2. decide just how nostalgic I am about some things (for example, would it be a good idea to repaint the walls, or am I really attached to the color they are now?).


I hear you. I've wanted to redo my bedroom for years but I can't find a new duvet cover that I can tolerate for sensory reasons. Until I know what colour it will be, I won't paint my walls or wallpaper or get new window treatments, or design any artwork .... You get the idea. It all hinges on my sensory issues with bedding. Maybe if you paint, I'll paint too! That might get the ball rolling!


I'm not sure if the wall-painting is going to happen or not, I may decide I feel too nostalgic about the walls. But my mom and I did think we might get me a bunk bed sort of thing and have the top part be for sleeping and turn the bottom part into a sort of lounge space with a bunch of pillows and stuff, or to get me a loft bed and putting a couch underneath. I've probably got time to decide what I want to do, my room is pretty messy right now and ought to be tidied first :oops:


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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


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04 Feb 2020, 11:11 pm

1

why is everything in and from america designed around extracting as much money from everyone as possible?


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04 Feb 2020, 11:38 pm

somebody made a deal with the devil somewhere along the way. at least since the 1830s when alexis de tocqueville wrote about us in "les americains" where he described us basically as a nation of opportunistic money grubbers. i remember the reverend ike saying "the LACK of money is the root of all evil!" thus turning the bible on its head which america historically has done in just about every way.



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05 Feb 2020, 4:20 am

I don't care if a member here dies, piece of sh*t.



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05 Feb 2020, 6:09 pm

-10

I am having others turn their back on me.



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05 Feb 2020, 6:44 pm

Kiprobalhato wrote:
1

why is everything in and from america designed around extracting as much money from everyone as possible?


This is also in M.East. everything is money related in this world. And money drives wars.

My sister was showing us the Gladiator first (battle against Germans) scene on her big tv and she said,
you know what's weird?? Less people got killed in any of these wars than the ones happening now esp innocent non soldier/fighters. Even if pillaging went on the percentages of deaths of civilians were less than now.


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05 Feb 2020, 6:55 pm

Marknis wrote:
-10

I am having others turn their back on me.


((((((Marknis))))))

Not sure what to say, but I felt the need to say something, so I'll just offer you lots of dragon hugs.


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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


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05 Feb 2020, 9:44 pm

-4 I really want a terminal illness, so I can just take care of a few things and then die without having to do the job myself. Wish my increasing memory issues were due to brain cancer, but I think that's unlikely. Probably something that'll just continue to rob me of my memory without having the mercy to kill me.


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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"