scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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2


felt like a heart attack today. scary.

-10

My older brother’s business is making others turn their backs on me.

+100


i'm awesome.

More then 7 but not by a lot. I am going to a thingie arranged by the autism team. It is called a "Peer Support Group". I have not tried one before. The good thing is that it is raining! Is Hornby weather! A dull rainy day and it is beautiful, as somehow, I love rainy days. I don't know why, but I feel safe and they are exciting! Somehow I feel like I "Own" the day as hardly anyone else likes a rainy day. I have the freedom of the day to myself! I can run on a beach with no one else there! Exciting!! !
So I will get ready, eat a snack for breakfast, get Mitsi out of the barn and "YAY"... Enjoy the rain! So whatever else happens, I can enjoy when I go in and go out.
Oh... If I start talking, I am happy during the event. If I am not happy and shy/nurvous, I go quiet. So see how things go... But... IT IS RAINING! YAY!

עישון לא יכול להיות טוב לריאות.

i still feel it very slightly. a sudden sharp pain in the center of the chest. i can't tell whether or not it's actually a heart or respiratory thing, or it's just the herb making me anxious and the pain is just a psychosomatic reflection of that. i've had the latter before in the form of globous sensation in my throat, this is the first time it happened in my chest.

i've seen several doctors for globous sensation, they say it's all in my head. they did find a type of hernia and "cellulite" in the throat...or esophageal region, not sure which, when they stuck the camera down my throat 3 years ago. i'm not so sure about this new thing. all i know is that vashon is not a very good place to be in the event of an emergency

besides that ...i think i took a liking to the girl who works at the pharmacy a short walk from my house. i've only seen her a handful of times but already the last time i was getting butterflies when i was about to buy my thing (and i did need it, it wasn't just an excuse to see her)

i'd love to spend time with her outside of her work, so i'm not bothering or distracting her...not sure what to say to have that happen

but i have to do something. i know now that doing nothing is not an option. i've let too many opportunities pass me by, relationships and otherwise. i'd rather make an ass of myself than live with the constant "what-if"ing that will inevitably follow otherwise

FUG

I have random chest pains too.

Right now i am 5. I need to find a job soon, being unemployed is not good for my mental health

Work had to cancel the shift due to call-ins/bad weather.

At least a 7.

-5 I think the withdrawal from the Effexor has worn off because I'm no longer feeling dizzy or headachy. I'm guessing what I'm still experiencing are medication side effects. I've been nauseated and very thirsty today (and subsequently, needing to pee more ). It was also another day where the birds started singing before I managed to get any sleep. And my body is apparently pulling one of its stunts again, my doctor had a look in my ear and said it looks completely normal, there's no reason it should be hurting. Yet still it is I hate when my body makes me look like either a hypochondriac or someone who makes up symptoms for attention, I am neither. For example, when my body decided to mimic the symptoms of MS (but had a clear MRI), I didn't even know what MS actually was when the symptoms started, I only looked it up after - so I don't see how it could have possibly been psychosomatic or anything. I also have a cluster of randomly swollen lymph nodes in about the area where my neck joins my shoulder, had a bunch of tests to make sure it wasn't lymphoma or something, everything came back clear, they're just swollen for no apparent reason. I really wish my body would quit doing things like this, it makes me even more reluctant to mention anything to my doctor for fear of coming off as a hypochondriac or attention-seeker (heh, I'm the weirdo who goes to the doctor and actually hopes that there is something wrong).