Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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Dear Cousin,

You were always the smartest one of the five of us. I might have made the grades, and your sister might have been the quick one, but you were always the one with the good sense.

I'm sorry your life turned out the way it did-- knocking up a social butterfly when you were nineteen and all-- but a lot of what you think you have lost nobody took from you except yourself. You didn't do too bad out of the deal-- you got your grades out of the toilet, finished college, became a competent forester. I realize that you still work the same sh***y drilling rig job that you had when you were 20, but that was also a choice you made in order to stay close to home. On the whole, I think you made the right choice. One third of you parents' acreage will be yours some day and you will use that education to manage it, I think, to both benefit and profit. You got two really wonderful kids out of the deal, too. DON'T BLOW THAT!! !!

1) Go back to playing your friggin' guitar. You do not have your son's gift, but you are not any slouch. He had to get it from somewhere. I'd like to see him call you up on a national stage for a duet someday. It can happen. But you need to pick up that guitar and get off the boy's back.

2) GET OFF THE BOY'S BACK. I realize (or surmise, anyway) that you are terrified that you are going to lose him and the girl both if they go to college, that the wife will leave you and that you'll die alone and rot in your bed like Daddy did. Well, you can prevent that. It could have been prevented in Daddy's case (say maybe by not holding stupid grudges over dumbass shit-- on his part as well as yours) and it can be prevented in your case too.

You hate your life. I realize that. So change it, and stop demanding that the boy settle down to the same fate. Let him go to college-- encourage him to learn the technical side of music as well as encouraging him to pick that devil's box. He's f*****g gifted, and he can learn to manage all aspects of the music-making process. That's one of the few professional careers outside of teaching or medicine that might actually be viable in West Virginia AS IT STANDS RIGHT NOW.

Come on-- yes, right now, an idiot can make $50K a year working on the pipeline. I know you are smarter than to think that is going to last. Dude-- we've seen this s**t before. In 10 years, the pipeline will be built and those jobs will be history. Then he'll be back to leave or starve, and you'll be faced with a choice between supporting him when you need to retire and being left all alone.

3) Get off your wife's back. For Christ sake-- If she is going to cheat, she is going to cheat. I think she would have done it by now, personally-- but if she is going to do it she is going to do it. Stop acting like a jealous high-school junior-- you are pushing 40!! ! Let her out of the house once in a while-- She is social, she needs to talk to people. Trying to keep her on a chain is going to drive her to break the chain and run.

I know you're scared. But please get your head out of your ass. You always were the smartest of us all. PLEASE USE IT.

Love,

The Family 'Tard

Dear Dear,

Please get back to me in some way. If you don't, I am afraid I might die or do something stupid. I know I should have more executive functioning than this, I'm sorry.

Sincerely,
ret*d

Dear Spouse,

You care more about the property, and the potential money to be made from it, than you ever did about the people who lived there. Momma, or Daddy, or me.

Sometimes I wish I had let it be sold out from under us, just so I would not have to see you like this.

You make me want to vomit, and I am not sure I can stand to love you any more.

No, I have not told you this. What would be the point?? You would tell me how you are right, and I am mentally ill, and then I would hate you more and want to die.

I'm really not sure why I ever loved you.

Sincerely,

Idiosyncratic b***h

That time of the year again.

To the man who abused his child for having a messy accident

I know why you called me a ret*d on Monday. You've never seen a Mod before because all of your friends are hippies or mainstreamers. You did it because I don't do anything with my hair and it isn't long like your "lady" friends wear it. That's the only reason you did that, and it annoys me. Think before you speak. You don't know the other person's history you dirty, scruffy bully! ret*d is a fighting word in my vocabulary.

The Kook who looks like Mick Avory which is why you called me that

PS. Kook is slang for Kinks Fan

Dear you,

I hope we can stay connected. I think it does us both good, even if it's never easy.

Please stop slamming the door, and shutting cupboard doors loudly. The previous tenants didn't do that.

Dear b***h

Just what the hell is wrong with you? How could you say you love me but put me down constantly, never respect any of my opinions, call me pathetic and imply I'm not man enough for you? How could you just cut me out for no reason? How can anyone be that self-absorbed? I hope you're happy with that dickhead I know you were cheating on me with, you sick f**k

Burn in hell

Me

I'm not sure what's the right thing to do or say.

Dearest Me,

It is time to move on, to truly feel gratitude for what you still have. Keep pulling your head out of the sand, you have lingered in this place too long. The resentment you feel for what is lost does not suit your disposition and it is hindering your goals.

Sincerely Moi

Dear ++++++

I prefer being direct in speech. Otherwise I can't sift through what's implied and what's not. This creates too much uncertainty, which I don't need right now. I need to know where one point starts and ends, and I need to draw the line between communication and soundbites. Until then, I guess it's best for me to stay my distance.

I hope that's understandable.

From,
I

Dear brain
Stop trying to sabotage yourself and me by making horrible, depressing, unwanted thoughts keep appearing. I have the power to destroy you, so just stop.
From me

Dear world,

I'm sure that you all would cheer at my funeral. Thanks for nothing.

Sincerely,

No one.

Ad Nauseam...

never-ever say you were not enough
you were sky and air, sun and star
a way to breath, a dead heart beat
light for eyes that couldn't, wouldn't see
a quick for pulse and smile
enough? ... a universe you'll always be

and..
you are the most intelligent being i ever met.

Capa.

Dear you,

I've never in my life met anyone as spoilt and selfish as you are,

I wish nothing but the very worst for you, and I really do mean that.

I didn't want a f****n ice cream anyway, you can shove it up your arse as far as I'm concerned.

Best of luck, you're going to need it.

Me.