scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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9 Feeling very good. Movie with a new friend tonight.

At my typical 7.

Will watch another spooky movie with my family tonight.

I don't know? I am newly diagnosed at 52. No one to helped me figure these things out.
I got a formal diagnosis from neuro psyche...but after 14 months of trying to find a competent
neuro psychologist because everyone I tried in California told me there was no such thing as an undiagnosed adult...
I can only say I am exhausted and remain in burnout.
All I can feel is anger... or lowest of low sadness or highest of high joy... or anxiety.
Uh, right now I don't know other than flat... tired of speaking with idiot medical professionals who can't
diagnose an adult because I wasn't supposed to even exist.
Sigh

At my typical 7.

0

Meh

Rn i feel a 3 im supposed to be asleep rn but all that can cross my mind is how much my mother hates me. I was told some horrible news by the doctor and instead of her checking up on me and asking how I was feeling while in terrible pain all she cared about was the 500 I owed her. I feel that if it was her youngest daughter who was given the news she would have been treated better. Our relationship was already broken before due to her not being in my life and now it seems ummendable. She will never understand me apparently money is worth more than me:(

-6; unfortunately a whole slew of unpleasantness today, capped off by the fact that I am hormonal-ly not in the ideal position to cope with it all. I think it's the weight of taking steps in what I believed was the right direction in a couple of parts of my life that are very critical to me to deal with (moving/living situation, love life) and found disappointment waiting for me. Moving always feels stunted by the idea that my world (America, specifically) could drastically change in less than 30 days, and do I want to be alone if something awful happens? Or would it be preferable to my current living situation? I found a nice townhouse today and sometimes I think I should just be like...contact the landlord and say I'd like to move in as soon as it's available!! But I stop short because of anxiety, like usual.

Then, yesterday morning I sent what I hoped was a kind message of congratulations on an accomplishment to the person I have had feelings for and was just ignored completely, I found out early this afternoon. I haven't spoken to him in person for a couple of years but...I don't know what I did wrong that he ignored me, we were always on good terms the last I knew so I am left in a bit of a mess of anxiety with the thought of what I could have possibly done wrong (to be clear - I would understand a brief reply - like a simple 'thanks!' but the complete lack of any response (despite reading the message) is not what I consider normal for the established relationship here). I guess my anxious mess over this issue is best summed up in my lack of understanding of social conventions...not knowing what's appropriate means I land in issues like this sometimes, where it seems something has gone on completely without my knowledge.
I'm short on tears, like I often am, or maybe I'm just refusing to cry because I wish I was above that. I have little experience in love and none with flat out rejection, although I've made no romantic gesture this time, that's what this feels like.

I suppose I will get over it, if I'm not beginning to already. This was cathartic, in the mean time.

At my typical 7.

Again at my typical 7.

-7

(Waking up too early nearly every morning, ugh)

6

My mom had a perfectionist fit earlier today when we were at the store to buy groceries.

Back again at my typical 7.

-2 Achy all over, particularly in my joints (probably from chemo) and still feeling hurt by being invalidated on a cancer support forum, the very first time I posted there. But I also have a healthy helping of emotional numbness dulling everything.

In what way did this person invalidate you?

You mustn’t listen to the idiots on the Internet.

Big hug d&d you are amazing, don't let other people's negativity get you down. ((((( )))))

Basically told me that my issues are trivial and I should be grateful I don't have it worse, implied I was having "histrionics" about it when all I did was calmly explain my situation and concerns. The only reason I can think of for why is that I accidentally double-posted, and on that site only moderators can delete posts, so they might have thought I did it on purpose for attention (though I added a note about having done it accidentally as soon as I realized).