scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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Edna3362
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07 Jan 2021, 2:48 pm

Unknown.

Cause the routine is instability.
And this isn't necessarily a negative thing. :twisted: Therefore the score is not-negative.

Muahahahahaha!! !


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dragonsanddemons
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07 Jan 2021, 3:23 pm

-8 Feeling even more useless than usual. Have the choice between a sleep med that doesn’t work adequately anymore or one that works semi-decently but also makes me exhausted during the day. Christmas tree is coming down as soon as my mom gets tired of watching the cat climb it (she took all the ornaments off it a few days ago, so she’s been letting him climb). US nonsense. Still very depressed. Thinking I might just let whatever medical issue comes next kill me and be done with it. Just don’t say anything about it, and probably no one will even realize anything’s really wrong until I drop dead, wonder how long it would take anyone to notice that, and heck, maybe they’d still think I was faking or exaggerating.


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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


kraftiekortie
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07 Jan 2021, 3:28 pm

Stop talking that way, Dragon.

You're very smart, and very useful.

And you're very good at giving Dragon Hugs.

I know what you mean----meds are really a pain in the butt, and they force you to make lousy choices.



dragonsanddemons
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07 Jan 2021, 3:41 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Stop talking that way, Dragon.

You're very smart, and very useful.

And you're very good at giving Dragon Hugs.

I know what you mean----meds are really a pain in the butt, and they force you to make lousy choices.


I really just feel exhausted of living, and have for over a decade (pretty sure after that long it’s not just a temporary thing), and my physical and mental health is already deteriorating and my autism growing more disabling. I feel like my time as a living human is well past up and there’s nothing more to be gained from sticking around.


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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


kraftiekortie
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07 Jan 2021, 3:51 pm

I bet, if I knew you, that I would disagree with you vociferously.

I'm sorry you're so weary.

In truth, these sorts of meds you've described tend to promote lousy moods.



dragonsanddemons
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07 Jan 2021, 4:23 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I bet, if I knew you, that I would disagree with you vociferously.

I'm sorry you're so weary.

In truth, these sorts of meds you've described tend to promote lousy moods.


I’m on so darn many meds (including antidepressants), I take 13 pills every morning (if I remember correctly) and also some at night. I’ve tried so many different medications and treatments and nothing’s really helped for long, I think I’m just stuck with this. Sleep meds work for a few months, maybe even a year or two, and then I have to switch again and find what will work this time.

It also feels like society has no place for me, and neither does anyplace outside of society. I don’t belong anywhere, and no place wants me. And I feel like it’s okay for me to move on, at this point I’m just waiting to die, really it does feel like I’ve done anything I was meant to do here. Maybe like I was just put on Earth to mature, and my real purpose is in the afterlife in some way, and now I’m ready for it.


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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


kraftiekortie
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07 Jan 2021, 8:11 pm

I certainly don't want you to go into that "great beyond." I like you right here on Earth.



Mountain Goat
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07 Jan 2021, 8:15 pm

dragonsanddemons wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I bet, if I knew you, that I would disagree with you vociferously.

I'm sorry you're so weary.

In truth, these sorts of meds you've described tend to promote lousy moods.


I’m on so darn many meds (including antidepressants), I take 13 pills every morning (if I remember correctly) and also some at night. I’ve tried so many different medications and treatments and nothing’s really helped for long, I think I’m just stuck with this. Sleep meds work for a few months, maybe even a year or two, and then I have to switch again and find what will work this time.

It also feels like society has no place for me, and neither does anyplace outside of society. I don’t belong anywhere, and no place wants me. And I feel like it’s okay for me to move on, at this point I’m just waiting to die, really it does feel like I’ve done anything I was meant to do here. Maybe like I was just put on Earth to mature, and my real purpose is in the afterlife in some way, and now I’m ready for it.

We want you on here.



WinterPerson
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07 Jan 2021, 9:49 pm

Dragon, this too shall pass.



dragonsanddemons
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08 Jan 2021, 12:27 am

I’m not actively suicidal right now (wasn’t sure before), just wish I would die, but don’t want to do the deed myself.


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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


HeroOfHyrule
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11 Jan 2021, 3:44 pm

-8. I'm really stressed out and overwhelmed, and feel like I'm going to have a meltdown because I can't calm down.



Butterfly88
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11 Jan 2021, 8:56 pm

-3



dragonsanddemons
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11 Jan 2021, 10:18 pm

-8, the usual causes.


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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


IsabellaLinton
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11 Jan 2021, 10:41 pm

0 anxious and numb, waiting for medical info


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IsabellaLinton
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12 Jan 2021, 8:05 pm

2 Still waiting for Thursday's phone call.


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Butterfly88
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12 Jan 2021, 8:42 pm

-3 again, not great but not horrible either.