Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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Dear soon-to-be classmate,

I know it's too early, and I know it's a huge risk. But I knew from the second I first laid eyes on you that you were beautiful, and every time I talk to you I feel like exploding. I can't hold it back for too much longer. One of these days, someday soon, I'll tell you how I feel, how much you make me happy. I have a hunch that you feel the same way, but I could be wrong. I've been dead wrong before. Like I said, it's a risk. But what was ever accomplished by not taking some kind of risk? This could be my big break... what the f**k do I do?

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." Winnie the Pooh.

To my afflicted heart,

Get well soon.

Dear soon-to-be classmate,

I hope your first day of college went well today. College can be a place that's big and scary, but I'm sure you handled it just fine. I wish I could tell you how I feel, just let it all out. Here I am clawing at my entrails, crushed by my own crush on you, wanting nothing more than to be by your side. I need you. Every second that passes my burning desire grows. I'm trying as best I can to make you happy. To get it right this time, for once. To not scare you off and be knocked back to square one. I'm not being too open with you about how I truly feel, but hinting toward it ever so subtly. Tomorrow we'll find out if you feel the same way. 'til then...

Dear Black Dog

No, you are not coming to live with me again. You already took what should have been some of the best years of my life, now you're snapping at my heels and trying to worm your way back into my psyche again after a nine year absence. You are NOT welcome in my life, so just f**k. Right. Off. NOW.

Delete

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Dear Plimmerton School

You guys screwed me over so much. You treated me as though I was f*****g stupid and I wasn't even diagnosed with anything then. You used to stand me up in front of the whole class and point out my behavioural flaws and tell kids not to go near me. You know what, you're the type of people that should never ever be near children. I still get so angry over that even though it's been 6 years since I left your school. Do you know that a great deal of my depression stems from your school? I have cuts all over my body now and I hate myself. Are you happy? I got bullied constantly and severely but I was the problem, wasn't i? And nothing was done except a punishment for me. Well f**k you and f**k your families for all I care. And to think I was the brightest one in all of my classes there and possibly even my year.

Sincerely,
Steph

Dear myself,

Why are you so upset over one girl? Who cares if you feel like its still worth trying to resume things with her and she doesn't appear to want to. Its still not worth killing yourself over. You're practically doing this because you know it will get you attention. She knows how you fell, so quit worrying about it. It should be apparent.

From yourself

Dear you, the one behind that dotted black fabric,

So the dreary sonrisa came, and went, and so did the next, and the one after that. They dashed away?dashes themselves aren?t the same anymore; not, at any rate, if you have to think of contraceptives each time you write one. So much black ink ? Why do the words you write with it have to be so ephemeral? So very nearly literally, in fact.

Hey, wait a moment! What about that bewildering stuff that seemed to glow forever? I?d almost forgotten using it. But now, looking straight up, squinting and focusing, it?s undeniable.

It reads, ?I?m a f*****g, f*****g idiot, yes, I am!?

To you: no, I'm not writing 'Dear' you, because you have proved yourself to be untrustworthy. It's permanent. Do you know what that word untrustworthy means? It means devious, not to be relied on as honest. The words that you say into a phone are simply, craftily what you want to hear yourself say. Good for you, for satisfying the self-serving playback mode so you can thank yourself for being such a great guy. /sarcasm ? Now stay away from me.

Dear Mother,

Please butt out of my love life. Whatever my fiancé and I do in the bedroom is not your business.

-Me

Dear you,

I could say I hate you. I could say I wish I could inflict eternal pain on you with my own hands. And I?d be telling the truth.

But I know you couldn?t care less, and I?m powerless and completely at your mercy. If I were to speak up, you?d laugh at how idiotic it is to say anything less than nice to you, because you can and will retort by making the ragged remains of my life a little more miserable.

Thus, I?ll say nothing.

Yours insincerely,
me

Ohhh dear you and you and you, you are all soooooooo exceedingly awesome!! !! !! I wish I could tell you that though.

Magis te amo, care Cicerone, quam hunc Lucretium insanum!