scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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-6, once I acknowledged just how expensive it would be for me to move into my own apartment out loud and that I can cover basically none of it, my mom completely changed tracks and now is insistent that we are back to a guarantee of it not happening anytime soon, if at all. She seemed so supportive of my efforts before, I guess she wasn’t as sincere about that as I thought (it really was just a little comment I made that caused the abrupt change, not a long discussion (or even any discussion at all, really) or anything). So, as happens every single time I get my hopes up about anything, no matter what I do, how optimistic I am, or how much true effort I put into things, I’m right back to square one. But I’ve still got dulled emotions, so I don’t feel truly terrible, which I suppose is something. Just still as hopeless as ever, and still wondering what the point is of even trying. Still so very, very ready to be done and wishing I’d suddenly drop dead of a heart attack or something so I finally could be. Same thing time and again, every effort at any improvement fails, why keep living?

^ I am very sorry to hear. Please never give up. Sending you love.

+1 right now.

-2. My OCD is being a bit high at the moment.

I have a feeling your mother might've known the whole time about the apartment thing and was skeptical of you moving into your own apartment but, went along with the therapist in your plan because she wanted you to find the difficulties moving into your own apartment yourself. My mother and I had a similar talk and she let me find out for myself instead of just straight up telling me why it wouldn't be a good idea(and the universe gives me reasons as to why as well). It most likely wasn't with ill-intentions but, for you to grasp and understand yourself better.

After my mother did it to me I understood myself better and started working on other things in my life instead such as socializing, self-care, and being happy with what I am now instead of what society expects me to be. My time may come when I get a job and get my own place, I may get a job but never get my own place, I may not ever get a job or my own place, but everyday I live is a new day to try and I will at least have the satisfaction of knowing that I tried and never gave up! I hope instead of wishing for death, you can come to terms with who you are and not who people tell you that you "should be" and find happiness in your own way.

+8
My new computer that I ordered might be coming sooner than expected! Can't wait to get it and start playing some games on it!

6

-3.

I'm having the type of anxiety that usually happens before I have a panic attack.

-3.

3.
Being a little numb is better than all-out awful. I'll take it any day.

A solid 5.

Happy to see better moods lately from people here.

Back at my typical 7.

-9 (can't sleep, can't figure out why)

-6.

I self harmed for the first time in a few months earlier and I overall feel crappy. I can't focus on much either. I'd like to just sleep and not deal with being awake for a few days.

6.5, a little bloated. I think I ate too much for my snacky dinner. Time to walk it off on the treadmill for a while.

Aww, I'm so so sorry to hear. Self harm feels like one of the only ways out of mental pain sometimes. You are loved and I hope you feel better very soon.

+2. Drowsy, but still decent.