scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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+3 again.

-3

People. Shivers.

At my typical 7.

3.

My Anxiety is becoming intolerable, so I have self-referred to counselling. I've lost count how many times I've used such services, but always find some benefit with them in one way or another. This last year has been incredibly stressful, and though most of what's occured has passed, my mind is still reeling and I find myself having panic attacks over trivial issues.

Let's hope I can keep my ducks in a row...

-3.

The bone in my lower leg hurts again and I'm very fatigued.

-4...? Physically I'm fine, though tired because of the hot weather. But I just verbally threw my dad out of my apartment. He just came here unannounced, didn't even call from the parking lot this time, and expected to get to stay until 19:30 when he has a time for vaccination. On some other day it could've been fine, but today I just can't handle it. I have plans (at home, but still plans) and I've told everyone in the family time and time again to tell me beforehand if they're coming and ask if it's okay. Dad's known about his appointment at least from Monday (mom told me), so he could've easily called and asked. So I told him that next time he wants to come here to ask beforehand, like I've told him many times, and he just got up and said he'll go then. I told him that he can wait until my sister arrives (she was getting her vaccination at 16:45) so that they can go to eat somewhere or something while he waits, but nah, he just left. I tried to explain the same thing I've tried to explain to my family many times, that my head just can't take out of nowhere social contact sometimes, but I'm pretty sure he didn't get it... ugh! There was an autism support group meeting at the city tonight, but I didn't go 'cause they only take a limited amount of people due to covid. Now I wish I would've signed up for it when they were gathering the list... or that I would've gone to the library directly from work. Or shopping. Or ignored the bacteria in the sea and went swimming! Seriously, I wish I could've been anywhere but here. Now I feel like the rest of my evening is ruined...

Are you feeling better now, Brother H of H?

-8.5 Very depressed. It feels like life will never get better.

The bone feels better, though I am still fatigued. Sometimes that bone just aches really bad, and I notice that I get fatigued and bruise easier around the time that happens. But, since its not constant I have no idea what's up with me...

-5.

Aside from being fatigued I am also dissociating a lot today. I hate dissociating and wish grounding techniques worked for me.

-7.

My mom is already arguing with my dad on the phone and it's only 9 AM.

Has the arguing stopped, Brother H of H?

The arguing has fortunately stopped for now... And thank you for asking, I hope that you're having a good day today.

4. I am holding on despite being triggered by various things. The good thing is i can see that i have come a long way from when i was child. I actually have self esteem now.

At a 6.

Uhmmm. I don't know.