Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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*sigh* if only...

I have tried so inhumanly desperately to find them. They all turn out to be s**t in the end, and stab me in the back...

Dear goon,

You just had to bring my gender into it, didn't you? Don't you realize how moronic it is to threaten an autistic person with jail and cops? I also did not steal your precious 5 and 10 cent cans.

The Rat Who Will Never Come Around Your Shooting Range Again

Dear Ex,

You wouldn't believe the person I became this year. You wouldn't believe how strong I became without you, without you bringing me down and silencing me, Without you manipulating using and hurting me.
This year I learned how to like myself with no help from you, all on my own.
It's almost been a whole year since I last hurt myself.
I am healing! Without you!
And I'll LOVE myself without you!

Dear you

I'm sorry I wasn't stronger. I'm sorry I'm so scatterbrained. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you why I stopped talking. It's not my fault but I still feel like a bastard. I keep fighting my way forward through this hellish landscape, but I don't know if what was done to me can be fixed. Something has to change soon or I'll just run out of hope and that will be the end of my pitiful little existence.

From me

You.

I wrote this over the summer about an ex "friend" I haven't even spoken to in about three years.
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"Dear You,

You were my friend. My best friend for a long time, even though I never met you in person. It’s taken me a couple years to fully come to terms with it, but I guess I did have more than platonic feelings for you. That’s probably why when you turned your back on me suddenly, it hurt so bad. I STILL miss you. You lied to me constantly, you made things up. You made me give up on other friends because of your lies. Others have made me realize that you were/are a narcissist. You used me for your entertainment. Entangled me in your web, then threw me away. We talked every day almost. Multiple times. I told you very personal things, as you did me. I wonder now if some of the things you told me were lies. You said you were ugly and wouldn’t let me see your picture for months. I finally saw it and you were not ugly at all. Maybe you just said you were because you want people to tell you you’re not.

I can’t get over you. Not yet, anyway. You were never more than a friend, and, according to you, despite the fact that we talked nearly every day for over a year, shared secrets, etc. we were never close. You never considered me much of a friend. And you made it abundantly clear, that although you were “ugly” in your words, you only liked or dated people who look like supermodels. Maybe you said that to let me know I shouldn’t get too close. You were my first non-straight friend. And my first really close female friend since I was a kid.

You hurt me deeply and have made me wary of a real relationship. At the same time, I’m glad I knew you, even if it hurts now. I’m glad we were friends for that time. You showed me a lot. BUT, I need to remember how you were not there for me when times got bad although I was always there for you. You always wanted to focus on your problems and never mine. It was always about you. And suddenly, you were through with me. You got what you wanted and left and threw me away like nothing and said we were better off without each other. I felt worse without you. I still miss that daily presence in my life. I have that now, with a guy friend, but it’s not the same, probably because I had feelings for you and just didn’t realize it at the time, aside from fleeting thoughts I’d push away.

Dear ex friend,
You were never a friend. Definitely never anything more. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I’m still not over you.

Missing you still,
Me"

Dear Hater,

It has been 5 years. You can stop running around the internet keeping tabs on me and bashing everything I do. Get a life.

Thanks,

Me

Dear F,

It's the first time in a long time that I thought of you. I just... well.. yes. *sigh*

I missed out, I know. You'll never know how lucky you are.

i

Dear… I don’t even know what to call you,

Life sure sucks when you’re in limbo. Make no mistake. I’m f*****g obsessed with you. Yet you are the puppeteer manning my emotions, you are the one who makes the difference. You control my life. And I know I’m the one to blame, for making it that way.

Every day I question whether I stepped over my boundaries. It’s a question that devours my soul, perhaps even more so than my admiration of your presence, and given that it’s blatantly obvious that I’m a social gadfly who lacks any semblance of social skill whatsoever, rightfully so. I’m always afraid that I’ve said or done something to cause you to hate me, as I’ve done so many times in the past.

If I can’t bask in the glow of your presence, receive the blessing of constant reminders that you exist, and are acknowledging my existence, I’m just in limbo. Like a climber, hanging from a cliff: so close to the top, yet even closer to plummeting to his fall.

In all likelihood, I’m probably destined to fall.

It’s in your hands.

Look, I know you’ve been busy, with your family, with your job, and all that good stuff. But something’s up. You haven’t had an opportunity to talk to me for an extended period of time in so long. Again, if I ever did anything to overstep my boundaries, please, for the love of god, let me know, and I’ll do anything you tell me to correct it!

I need to tell you that I’m an overthinker. It’s my curse. I have a tendency to make things about me, and then dwell on them. And then I get concerned, that I did something wrong, something to offend the person in question.

I guess I’m just an immature piece of s**t who constantly needs attention. If you hate me for it, I don’t blame you.

Love, unattainable,

~No one.

Dear grandfather
I'm sorry my grandmother abandoned when you devolved Schizophrenia and you disappeared into the mess that was the health system in the 70's. I'm sorry you have to live heavily medicated on the east coast half a continent away in community housing. I'm sorry you never knew your daughter until she was grown. I'm sorry that the world is so screwed up.

-me

Dear chatters of that chat room I just went to,
I went there to practise being sociable because I do not like going out and I thought that it would be a good place to meet new people. I went there to make new friends hopefully.I did not ask to be ridiculed. I did not understand what you were talking about so when I ask you and you called me an ignorant c word that was very wrong.
I do not have any problem with any of you so why you have the problem with me for?
I find your conversation illogical. You did not make sense. You should make more sense if you want people to understand what you say. So I came here because I know people will not judge me for being me. I wish never to return to that place ever again!! !
From me.

Anyone who has met you, crossed paths with you has had their lives greatly enhanced.

- a touched.

Well, do you want to do business or not? I'd like to do business with you. I'll have to find another, since you keep being unreliable. All I want is a scheduled appointment. Once a week. That is all I ask. Otherwise I'm just waiting around for nothing, because you're hardly ever available. I can't get onto the internet every night without it costing me. Please just give me a time, it would make life so much easier for me. Thanks.