scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

Post Reply New Topic

-5

Worried.

In good thoughts, it's nice my neighbors have kinda taken me under their wing in a way (I'm older than their kids, lol). I don't know why. Sure, I've been here for like over 20 years and I've never been a bother, and have helped out, but I guess that feeling sorry for stuff. Which is something I'm not a fan of, but that's how charity tends to go. They keep on inviting me to family gatherings and holiday things they host, but I don't go, because me. They're the only people I've known for a long time now. I guess since...2016? Before then I knew 2 from here and PTSD bro, the latter I didn't really know that well. His time was in Somalia out of Townsville (that would have been Operation SOLACE). You could ask any random Australian if they heard about Operation SOLACE and you'll get a blank stare. Such is how that one goes. I suppose this ended up in some bad thoughts.

Fluctuating between again a 6 and an 8.

0/-5

She has been doing a little better since I've been basically pleading for her to do less stuff and just ask me to do it, because I'm happy with doing whatever. She hates that one and loves doing things, no matter how "small", but the cost of that can be too high. She's like me there and won't ask for help. I can't get upset at her if she does too much, because that'll be how I go too. Wheelchair-tier now. Walking sticks used to get her by. Mechanical chair would be best but...yeah (ain't cheap).

As for me, my eyes are red and I feel dead inside. I've downplayed it all, just so I can get it across, and it's all just been to explain the whys and nothing else. Those threads of hope feel like they're gone there. That'll be life though, much like it always has been.

5.

At my typical 7, despite what today is.

My mother has apparently banned me from going near the fern valley, though I wasn't going to go back there anyway for the same reason; well different reasons. She worries about me, and she's a little too protective, but that's understandable, and I kinda need to be around because she doesn't have any real option there.

As for me. -10. I'll shut up about it now, and I'm more emo if others feel bad now as an older individual rather than how I do (used to be 50/50 I guess, even if I couldn't show it back then all that well). I guess reliving stuff a couple of more times might do that more than age will. Hopefully you're well.

Looks like the lack of activity leading to lessened illness may have been a false signal, or maybe it slightly helps, but just like medication, it's not going to stop them all. I figured out a "tell" when she likely needs medication, and it'd be interesting to see if it's the same across the others with it (there's only like 3 in my state). Still can't get used to seeing her in pain, but I don't want to.

As for me (emotive stuff): kinda improved from -10 last night when I sent that unsent just before I attempted to sleep, and I could sleep because I felt...content with being able to do such directly. She knows why. I'll be here for her (I can't turn off that devotion, nor do I want to). A signal. I feel like a burden when I'm seen upset (guilt there too), but maybe I shouldn't. Feeling so upset over that, just shows how much I feel there, which is a positive thing, and shows how much she means to me, which is one of the things I want to show, how thankful I am. +1. I'm the type of person that'd rather be helping as that's me. That's my personality disorder, an echoist, and I guess I've been doing well in regards with that (I feel like I'm being needy and don't like talking about things I want).

Lots of splinters in my hand from branches, which again, I enjoy removing them far too much, and that'll add another +0.5 because it's calming.

At my typical 7.

-1 I miss my cousin Jen, I haven’t seen her in over 8 years, we chat and I feel like I actually have a long lost older sibling, no one else in the extended family takes me in as a younger sibling. We haven’t had a get together in a while and I miss her and the rest of my family members so much

Yeah, missing someone you care for isn't the best feeling, but it's good those feelings are there that create such a thing.

I dunno how I am. I guess both sides of the coin. Kinda happy that I decided on what I'm going to do, and it'll allow me to keep all of those promises and still do something I'm alright at (hopefully help others with it), and I've already got experience with it all. Yeah, my early life with my father put me on the opposite side of what he was, just as he and the other psychopaths threw me the other way emotionally. I sorta admired them for being what I considered "tough" compared to someone "weak" like me, but that was just a victim talking, and they're the weakest people you'll ever see. What could have been will always get me, but that's being selfish/needy of me, and I probably feel that way because of the psychopaths, which is one of those ironic things. I was broken before my life started so I guess I shouldn't get too hung up on these things, rather lay that blame where it belongs (which I feel is me), and that's them.

-3

As I continue to spam....

+2

Got some photos of a loved one and I.

Me stuff: I'm alright. A little concerned about woodland stuff and intruders, but I wasn't seen, that I'm sure of, and I'll hands-off this one, so I'm good. I'm glad I could get stuff across to her, she knows how I feel and it comes from good -- it would have been far easier to hide from that one, but I did that one for her and decided to stop being a coward in these things for once.

At my typical 7.

5. I feel so scared again.

+1 or so

Handling things better when it comes to illness stuff (it'll still put me at -10, but I seem to improve quicker).

Me stuff: alright. The story of Echo is ironic there with me, and I see why they used it. I kinda...did the same thing (unable to share feelings), just not with a Narcissist, rather a nice person. I should probably stop thinking about this so much, but it's hard. The combo of autism and echoism probably makes me someone easily abused by others, and yeah, I am. I'll be able to get my license, so I've kinda got my future sorted out there, well, at least keeping busy and trying to help out others with something I already know how to do. The little Jeep that could is a solid car, so I'm also good there.