scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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-5

How in my dreams I mostly hear screams, but never in those daydreams. How time and place is more important than time and space. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and/or the pain grow stronger? A bit of both it seems. I do know even though I technically don't, because I get those feelings over certain things via that gift and curse, which is offset by being so slow in other ways. I know there's wants. I wear it all on my sleeve now, maybe because it got pulled out of me when I finally learnt to see.

At my typical 7.

4. Some unwelcome news has soured my otherwise fine mood.

At my typical 7.

5 ig. Feeling kinda scared of my future. I will probably die alone and my corpse will be found days later. But on the other hand, why is that bad? Dying alone or with someone doesn't matter at all.

At my typical 7.

It's sorta a running joke between my mother and I that we both could be dead and no one would know for months, maybe years. Not much difference in the end, no. Zero chance of such happening, so I guess that's purely hypothetical "humor" between us. But, it'd be the same for either of us all the same if it was just one of us here. Disability is a wonderful thing, as is that personality where you don't want to be a burden on anyone.

-3

.123

I am really struggling right now. Not even sure I can explain how. everyday is filled with anxiety and low feelings. Have no one to speak to about it and not sure how I can get out of this.

I hear you, dude.

As for me: just as I won't talk about certain things from my life, I won't talk about how hard things are for me [most times] day to day, and in the context of the latter, it's so I don't appear as...inferior as I really am compared to most humans. Which threatens that independence I cherish so much and I think it will lead to rejection of that human contact, and it tanks my already flat-lined self-esteem (it also makes you feel like a burden and if you aren't a fan of people feeling sad/bad for you..., yeah). This is a hard truth I don't like to admit. 21 years ago, and I was functional enough (just Asperger's), but that guy died 20 years ago and was replaced with someone else. That's how I'm feeling.

-5

0

-3

1.875

negatives

Nightmares last night getting me down, I guess. Both real and unreal. Some of life's stress. Some of dreams being broken and there's nothing left to feel but the pain and suffering of wounds that won't heal. My voice was somewhat taken away today from the vividness of it all. I suppose I should listen to my mother and stop beating myself up over the things I have no say over, but she's stronger than I am in these matters.