scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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-9. Worst physical pain of my life in the last 24 hours, which, with some of my medical issues is saying something. Can't think straight or function. No support. Worn out.

Hopefully you feel better soon with the physical pain, blueroses. I feel for you. It sucks.

-3 or so

Several good days with my mother, so I'll take that; carer stuff (not that she doesn't care for me in many ways too, but me physically good overall; the trigeminal neuralgia and hand don't stop me). Stuff I should probably stop talking about, but it's there (it always will be there because that's just me).

Thank-you. That's kind and I appreciate it. You, too, since I know trigeminal neuralgia is no cake walk.

At my typical 7.

You're welcome, blueroses. Thank you kindly. "Little" and genuine gestures of meaningful kindness and emotional support can help those in their time of need I've found. Suffering from terrible pain and having no support is one of those sad life things, and I don't want you [or anyone] to experience that. Maybe I have sympathy there, and I remember when people have done such for me in similar situations and it helped.

-1

Thanks, Dill, genuinely.

I actually saw this message right after getting a text from someone I had considered a friend, saying we should "go our separate ways" because hearing me talk openly about my issues is too "triggering" for him. We had just talked at length by phone and I had apologized several times for upsetting him and thought we could work it out. But, no, a moment later, I get that cowardly and cold text. I'm too much of a burden.

If hearing about my problems is that hard, guess it's a good thing he doesn't have to actually live with them every day. I guess I would walk away from me and my problems, too, if I could, but, geez it hurts a lot. Each and every time it happens.

-8

You're still welcome.

I'm feeling sad for you there. A friend you want is someone that will help you through your bad times, your bad moments, and who will accept the care from you when it's needed for them; there's never a need to apologize for letting these things known, shared, as that's the point of human relations. It's not sterile and robotic where no one can share pain and problems for fear of loss or being a burden. I know how it goes with feeling down about yourself (I'm sad for how bad you'll be feeling right now), but your problems won't be a problem for a well adjusted person. We all have them. The problem is when they aren't listened to and helped or we can't share them out of fear for whatever reason.

Take care of yourself.

(I have a problem of not sharing my problems and ultimately withdrawing/breaking due to that held pain as I don't want to be a burden, which has been irrational with me, and it led to hurting genuinely nice people and loss all the same. I learnt early that sharing my problems leads to punishment and loss.)

-2 (life can kinda suck sometimes)

Thanks. Yeah, I was surprised by it. I've had situations where friends drifted apart or lost touch, but never before where one actually felt the need to officially 'break up' with me like that. I honestly can't imagine doing that to someone I knew was already going through a rough time, especially not someone I had claimed to care about, so this tells me I really must have screwed up way worse than I'd realized. I appreciate your kind words, but feel it's mostly my fault, which is pretty depressing.

I'm sorry to hear you don't feel comfortable sharing what you have going on with others. My inbox is always open if you need to vent privately.

At my typical 7.

blueroses,

I'm pretty sure if someone decides to hurt another when they're feeling so much pain in such a way, when they're clearly capable of communication, the fault will be with them. If he was unable to handle emotional issues, there's ways to go about informing someone in a kind way that shows care is there, and he could communicate to you (someone would just withdraw if it was too much if they couldn't communicate, whether the care was there or not). I'm going to take a high confidence guess that it's not your fault at all. It's kinda easy to determine this as you apologized for things that one needn't apologize for, and you're blaming yourself entirely for the outcome, along with putting yourself down. I'm going to take another high confidence guess and say apologies were mostly one way, along with the care. I tend to have more insight with these things than I should.

Thank you. I feel sorry for the others there, but both no doubt have happier lives.

TN is playing up today, so yeah. Emotional mess here too today, so yeah again. Negative I'm not sure what numeral; anywhere from 1 to 10 depending on the moment.

7. Keeping my mental health on an even keel at the moment. Acknowledging the troubles of the outside world, but also being able to disconnect and disassociate myself from it all.

1.76. feeling disassociative right now.

At my typical 7.

Partially dislocated shoulder, two sprained knees, headache and various other pain all over. Alone in the world with zero help or support. Just sitting alone in my apartment crying, like most days. Too much severe pain to think clearly and have a medical disorder that there is really no good treatment for. My connective tissue just wants to fall apart. Keep reaching out for support and having every door slammed in my face. No one cares, not doctors, family or friends. Doctors brush me off, family is abusive, friends leave. If anyone is reading this and willing to pray for me, I appreciate it. I am trying so hard, but the reality is I am not sure how much longer I can keep going. My problems and my pain are way bigger than me and have just broken me down over time. I'm sorry for being weak or triggering for anyone, but I didn't choose this and am at the end of my rope. I keep trying to tell myself things will get better, but they only get worse. I genuinely don't know what to do anymore.

-10

At my typical 7.