Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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Dear Me,

You have no control over other people. You only get to control yourself. You have no right to ask them to change what they're doing or to tell them that the way they are treating you is hurtful, destructive, and unfair. The first two are evident. They either can't change or don't care.

You can stop this loop by being what they want to see and having a minimal presence so that you do not stimulate them to do or say something that you will interpret as an attack.

If that's too hard, keep trying. Hang in there. There is a way out of this loop.

In two years years, nine months, and a few days, suicide will be a viable option.

Please remember to make it look like sudden heart failure. That will be a credible cause of death that will spare the innocents a lot of s**t.

I'm on your side.

Love,

Me

Dear God,

You can do anything. You made the world and You made the critters and You made the people. You can do anything.

I have tried, and tried, and tried. I have dashed my heart and bashed by brains trying to make myself into a person that is acceptable to my husband, to his mother, to the few people left in my life who still matter. I want the screaming to stop. I want the sniping to stop. I want the insults to stop. I want to stop being scared.

Please, great God who can do anything You wish, either make me acceptable to them or kill me.

I really don't trust the coroner to write down "sudden cardiac arrest" on the COD line, even if I leave a very polite note explaining my reasons for committing suicide and exactly what drugs and plants I have taken in what quantities. I don't think they'll do me a favor if and fudge the COD just a little bit (all the drugs and plants I'm planning on using do in fact kill by ultimately paralyzing the heart and lungs) if I do them a favor and make the toxicology report easy. I really don't want my kids to live the rest of their lives knowing their mother committed suicide.

But I can't go on like this for very much longer. Please either make me acceptable, or just strike me dead. I'm totally, utterly, and completely exhausted, broken, and without hope. Please just let me die. Come get me. Take me home.

Sincerely,

Your ret*d Child

^BuyerBeware: Isaiah 41:10


Dear You,

Just breathe. There's no need to worry so much. Everything will work out for the best.

p.s. When I said I liked you, I meant it.

Dear ......

I'm not gonna play mind games with you. We're not managers of rival football clubs...

Annoyed

To whom it may concern,

Shove it.

Yours truly,
WitchsCat

Dear You,

I'm sorry for making you so upset that you had to scream at me, cuss me out, and threaten me on Friday.

Except that I didn't do anything. I woke up out of a screaming nightmare and said that I wanted the damn therapist to either fix me or put me back on the antipsychotics so I could at least die quietly.

I'm sick of it. Sick of silence, sick of smiles, sick of being afraid to speak because you take everything I say the wrong way. If it's all me, then how come I don't have this problem with other people, just with you and yours??

I'm sorry I got angry with you and yelled back. But here's the thing. I am sick to the living f*****g death of being told that it was all my fault. It WASN'T. I am able to get up and face the morning and try again today because I tell myself that IT WASN'T MY FAULT. I am able to take the risk of talking to the kids' teachers and taking the kids to the doctor and the dentist and going to the grocery store and actually speaking to other parents in the preschool pick-up line instead of slinking in 5 minutes late and calling the child from 15 steps down the stairwell BECAUSE I HAVE CONVINCED MYSELF THAT IT WASN'T MY FAULT.

That they would have ignored me and the baby would have died even if I'd made someone watch the kids and walked into the ER in a business suit with full makeup.

That the folks in Clarksburg were involved in disability fraud, and it could have happened to anyone, and my only crime in all of it was being so focused on making myself good enough that I would have believed anyone who told me they had a solution.

That I had a right to be upset in the psychiatrist's office that day, that I had every right in the world to BE ANGRY and to SHOW ANGER, and instead of giving me something that would shut me up, he should have heard what I was saying, told me that believing I had to shut up and smile was an unhealthy attitude and he wasn't going to chemically facilitate that, told me that there were antidepressants that worked within a matter of hours instead of weeks.

That I do not have to be constantly sweet, soft-spoken, and docile if I want to be loved, wanted, accepted, kept. That I do not have to appear to be totally in control of the situation and not in need of help if, indeed, I want to receive assistance when I ask for it. That I do not have to either smile and lie or expect to be treated like s**t. That I have as much right to yell as anyone, as much right to cry as anyone, as much right to get sick as anyone, as much right to make mistakes as anyone, as much right to show frustration as anyone.

So PLEASE DON'T TELL ME THAT, IF BAD THINGS HAPPEN, IT'S MY FAULT FOR NOT HAVING ON MY "I AM PERFECT AND DON'T HAVE ANY PROBLEMS" FACE.

It really hurts. It makes me hate you. It makes me feel as if the only thing that matters is showing the desired behavior, and my thoughts and feelings are completely meaningless drivel that you would rather do without.

It's how I ended up down this rabbit hole in the first place. So please, if you want me to climb out, please stop stepping on my fingers and sawing away at the rope.

Love,

Me

Dear...

Your words are empty and your 'intentions' are BS. You couldn't care less about anyone except yourself and getting exactly what you want in life... steam rolling over anyone in your way.

You just want the soundbites, to hell with it if you cause more hurt, all that matters to you is ...you.

Me

Dear ...,

1.Everything you read on FB is not true.
2.Those psychics on tv aren't real.
3. Yes, we really did land on the Moon. It's not a conspiracy.
4. Get your dog some training, and quit letting him run loose. I sympathize with your neighbors.
5. The world isn't unfair, you're just self entitled and lazy.
6. My break time is a break from you, respect that.
7. Asking me inane questions is not endearing. I have put up with you blasting the radio, but that's where it ends.
8. It's painful to watch you think you've outsmarted someone. It's painful to hear a woman kissing fifty compete with her teenage daughter. She's probably had to be the mature one because of your childish mindsets.
9. Stop being in a rush to medicate your daughter, and get her some counseling. Quit doctor shopping.
10. Quit telling your daughter she's fat, and then brag about stealing her clothes.
11. Lay off the cold and sinus medicine. You have smoker's cough, and probably emphysema to boot. Cover your mouth when you hack.
12. Keep messing with me, and I will let you bury yourself. People create their own karma, and I'll just keep quiet and let you keep digging.

From,
Disgusted

Dear MjrMajorMajor

Dear IWB,

Dear You,

Another sleepless night, all because I told you The Mall was actually optional to a happy and successful life.

I never said it was forbidden. Just that it wasn't mandatory.

You tell me that I shouldn't walk on eggshells, shouldn't be hypervigilant, should feel that it's OK for me to be tired, or upset, or frustrated, should feel safe speaking my mind in my own home.

And then you criticize me rather violently (which you deny) every time I slip up and do any of those things. And tell me that the reason I don't "get better" from depression and anxiety is that I'm not trying.

Do you understand how much that HURTS and CONFUSES me?? I'm sick of the doublethink.

--Me

Dear K

I'm still alive and you can't take that from me

-me

Dear Me

Stop being such an idiot. You know what will happen, you do it anyways, and it happens as predicted.

From Me

Dear NT boys who I keep running into,

I do not understand the games that you play. Do you like me or not? Be direct. The only reason I quickly lose interest in you is when I see that you are starting to play those mind games with me. Do not be disappointed in yourself or with me when you realize I have been driven away because I'm tired of dealing with immature BS. Yes, I see you pulling other guys into the hallway at work so you can have your "discussions" about me. Is this grade school, or are you grown men? I saw you looking upset the other day because of that, but I take it you are used to having superficial girls kiss your behind all the time. Well, not me. If you do not intend on being direct with me, do not expect me to feed into your games. You have lost a good and honest girl who would have been honest and kind to you. I am a diligent worker, do not ask men to pay my way for anything, do not expect anyone to pick up slack for me and am very driven and ambitious. I do not expect you to fund my shopping sprees when you are hard at work, nor do I b***h and complain about things that don't matter just because I want to start a fight like some NT girls I know. Too bad for you that you are stuck playing high school games and will suffer for it when you attract a major high school drama queen to your life. If that's the case, you are not worthy of my presence. You can keep your bravado and I will keep my peace and quiet.

From a simple and practical girl...

Dear you,

Short version: I love you. I miss you. I am sorry. I wish I could do better.

Long version: Taking prednisone again because I wasn't taking my Humira for a while because of depression. It says it can cause moodiness in the prescribing information.

When I say I love you. I mean that I can not think of anything more important. Which actually makes me really depressed. I need to love myself more. Not in a selfish way, but I need to work towards being happy with myself, and I need to be much less hard on myself. Otherwise, I might as well give up on life right now and do all those things I am not supposed to.

Probably crossing a boundary again for posting this, but I will not go any further. We haven't really spoken in what, two, three years now? Events are much foggier now. I can not really write everything off based on loss of contact. I want to grasp at whatever I can get as hard as I can. I still want to impress you, of course, but that means growing up a bit. So I will continue to not contact you, and I will probably still feel an emptiness. An emptiness of purpose really, its what I really took from you, and what I need to learn otherwise. Life feels so dull without you. I do not want to take from that, more just learn to enjoy things on my own a bit.

Wishing the best. Fearing the worst. Wanting to say "I love you" over and over, in whatever ways I can express it. Sorry for being a hopeless romantic.

From me.

Dear female friend

This is a rant, but the way you rejected me, you could have minimized the pain I felt.

You aren't one of those cruel, shallow people. You are a compassionate person and a good friend and actually showed some care about how the rejection would have made me feel, but you too could have done more.

When you first rejected me, you shouldn't have tried to manipulate me into feeling okay about it, saying I should be 'relieved' that I now have a NEW FEMALE FRIEND that can help me get a girlfriend. Bullsh•t. You broke my heart and it was perfectly normal and NATURAL for me to still be upset at the time, but you just wanted to quickly move on as fast as possible to try and make me not even realize that it hurt. You reject me by saying "I haven't been ignorant of your advances, and I just want to say, it's NOT gonna happen. Oh, but HEY, if you EVER need a FRIEND who can help you get a girlfriend, you've got ME now. So yay, that's great, isn't it?! "

what is any reasonable minded person supposed to think of that?

And, you should have rejected me properly the first time. You said you were Bisexual, but was only looking for a girlfriend at the time. You reject me, yet you told me I still had a 'pretty good chance' and I am still in your 'possible boyfriend zone'. And make me hold onto false hopes that 6 months into the future, you'd like guys again and give me a chance.

A few weeks later, you decide you only see me as a friend and that I am in your 'friendzone'. You delay in telling me this and continue to allow me to cling onto my false hopes.

And then you tell me you only see me as a friend, and that even though you do like guys again, you aren't interested in a relationship with anyone ad feel you would personally be too busy in your life for one.

Not even 2 weeks later, you change your mind yet again. You contradict both of those statements. You develop an attraction to ANOTHER male that you also only saw as a friend just like me, and you DO end up dating him.

So, you either LIED to me, or weren't confident/sure about yourself when you said it to me.

If you REALLY meant what you said, that you weren't looking for a relationship with ANYONE at the time, then you would have dedictated yurself to NOT ending up dating this new guy. You would have tried your very best to stop yourself from developing feelings for him. And, even though he only saw you as a friend, he told you he was willing to give you a chance.

But, if you REALLY meant what you had told me, you would have said no. You would have said "I am sorry, but I can't accept your offer. I promised myself I wasn't looking for a relationship with anyone right now, and I am going to stick by those words, BECAUSE I'M NOT A CONFUSED PERSON WHO SAYS ONE THING AND THEN CHANGES THEIR GODDAMN MIND ONE OR TWO FRICKEN WEEKS LATER."

My heart was broken only for her to turn around and end up with a new guy the exact same way I did. I liked her, she only saw me as a friend, she wasn't looking for a relationship at the time, she didn't give me a chance. She liked her friend, he only saw her as a friend, he wasn't looking for a relationship with anyone at the time either, he gave her a achance. And now they are happy together.

And, to add insult to injury, you and him show off about yoru relationsgip. You treat it as a status symbol. I hang out with the same group of friends as you both, and they treat it like some celebrity relationship. And, whether you admit it or not, you DO support it and you reinforce it. You act like you hate them pestering you over your relationship for gossip, but truth is you enjoy the attention. You openly flirt and show off about the relationship so fricken much. It is not cute, but sickening.
Not just that, but you two are basically inseparable now. I feel like I don't even have a friend anymore, because my female friend is always with her boyfriend now. You both stand ridiculously close together at nearly all times, it's like you're both barely even individuals anymore. It makes me sad, the disgusting thought that every time I think of you, my female friend, you will only ever be with him, I can't even think of you, my female friend, anymore without him also popping into my mind. I understand you;re both in a relationship, and everyone ahs different kinds of relationships, but you both seem insecure if you realy have to cling that tightly together.

I moved on and got a new girlfriend but we didn't last. At least Me and my ex girlfriend were nowhere near as clingy as you two. We were very private about the relationship and could spend time and distance apart.

That's all I have to say. You stepped on me, and now I have to suffer.

Am I jealous, and still upset over the fact that you rejected me? Yes. But I'd honestly like to get back together with my ex more than anything else.

It's just IN GENERAL.

I have only been stepped on this year by the opposite sex in general, and to be honest, you, my female friend, did it the worst. You were the one that made me feel the worst.

This is why I can't be with you, and don't actually want to be with you. I am still sad that you rejected me, but happy I avoided ending up with a person like you. A person who can't make up their mind about what they want, always changing it regardless of how much it hurts the people you supposedly care about.

You're a good friend but you would have never made a good girlfriend to me.

I was saddended that my ex girlfriend broke up with me, and still want to get back together with her, but you hurt me the most, female friend. You did.

Even you have agreed with this when I bring it up. I told you I need someone who is confident and assured, someone who knows what they want out of life, instead of you and my ex, who never knew what they wanted and always kept changing their minds. You actually agreed with me, that maybe a confident girl who knows what she likes and what she wants is just what I need in a partner. Someone like me. I've known what i've fricken wanted for years now.

Anyway, good luck with your new boyfriend, female friend. Hopefully you dont one day turn around and randomly tell him you only like women again and break his heart.

you're a good friend dont think for a second you fit my standards for a relationship.