scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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Another really rough day, but I’m feeling better now.

3

1. I just want sleep

0 My outreach worker saw me at my worst when I was cleaning my bathroom today. She saw just how crippled and in pain I was when I was getting off the floor, twice.

At my typical 7.

6

I am happy and content generally right now but it could be better if I was a little less anxious to do some studying and work on an assignment.

At my typical 7.

4

-65534.

I have roaches AGAIN, in my bathroom, as well as scurrying across my dining room table, my apartment is up for inspection by the housing authority, (which means eviction for failing to keep the place clean to HUD standards), I’m having issues with City of Philadelphia Dept of Revenue (I haven’t lived in Philadelphia since 1995. They’re after me for unpaid wage tax which my employer never withheld. My attorney can’t defend me, since he’s not admitted to the Philadelphia bar, I also can’t find my tax records from almost 30 years ago, I’m having issues with my medical provider, which is a PACENET provider (I have both Medicare and Medicaid), the provider will only pay to have a person come in once a week for 1/2 hour to help clean (meaning only the kitchen and bathroom get cleaned), and this provider has little to no behavioral health, other than a psychiatric nurse that comes in every few weeks to check for medication compliance. (I refuse to see a psychiatrist, since they’re nothing but pill-pushers, and said pills did me more harm than good, causing my brothers to disown me, as well as see me almost commit suicide.). Wellspan Health, UPMC Psychological, and Penn State Milton Hershey Medical are so backlogged as to not be funny. I’d try Johns Hopkins in Baltimore, except the PACENET provider will not allow out-of-state.

Frankly, I’m ready to drop dead. I’m to the point nobody cares.

^ That’s awful. I hope stuff will start improving for you.

-3

Things aren’t that bad for me, really. Life is hard. I’m feeling horrified and devastated about specific situations I can’t change involving other people. It comes in waves. Maybe it‘s related to feeling helpless.

Like I'm getting closer to waking up dead. Which is probably not the ideal solution to my dire situation.

-5

3. I cried a lot today too. Crying helps with managing the ever present rage inside me.

At my typical 7.