scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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3. Just tired of alot of things and burned out and feeling like you can't move forward. Wondering at times where the Lord is even though you have faith and believe he's there yet at times he feels distant. Wishing that someone somehow in your family could understand what it is truly like in your head. No one will ever know because they are not you. Hating the way that you are and wishing to God things didn't have to be the way they were. That you had some idea as to how to work on the Rocky Mountain that seems to be in front of you. Sorry if this is triggering for anyone but I just needed to pour that out.

I think I'm feeling a bit better today at about a 6 or so. Medicine (Ativan) definitely seemed to help and am trying to keep a positive mood. I think I am starting to realize I need to be on antidepressants to help keep myself stable. Without it I devolve in OCD loops and downward spirals. I am also beginning to wonder if I have ADHD. It runs in my family as two cousins have it as well as autism. It is something I am going to look into.

4


Ativan isn’t an antidepressant.

It's not I realize I just termed it as a "medicine" in my post. It's a Benzodiazepine but I use it during shutdowns and in times of being overwhelmed and it greatly helps. I take antidepressants in addition to the Ativan. I just mention antidepressants as for years I fought against taking them even as I hated being on them. Now I see that I really need to be on them.

-10

Had a fairly good morning but got worse this evening. Probably a 3. I took a pill of Cymbalta today as I had it and thought I'd give it a shot over Paxil and my whole body feels nothing but tension. I am having problems sleeping. Think I am going to take a Ativan to try and help. I yearn for a day when I can take something and feel some benefits out of it.

0 I have insomnia and Germany is going to be taken over by riots after that stabbing.

Insomnia's not fun. Mine's been worse over the past month. Only Ativan seems to help sometimes. Hope Germany ends up ok. My family came from Germany during the 1920's to the U.S. Always loved learning about it growing up. My grandfather had German parents. I know some phrases like "Sprechen sie Deutsch?" Hope your insomnia get better!

1, I am considering checking myself in at a psychiatric hospital tomorrow as things haven't been too good today and I know I need some help. I have an interview tomorrow and don't even know if I will feel up for it but I am going to try as hard as I can. Lord Jesus, please take away this pain and help set me on the right path. I no longer can do it on my own and don't have the strength.

I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling so much. If you’re unsure what to do, calling a crisis line and getting their input could help. I was inpatient many years ago and know a little about what that’s like. Have you ever been inpatient before? Are you currently in therapy?

I appreciate it TwlightPrincess! I have the number for the crisis line but sort of waffled on calling it as I was unsure if I reached that bad of a stage but might still call. I went inpatient five years ago down near Baltimore, MD. I did a Intensive Outpateint program at a local hospital last year and the year before also. It helped some but don't think alot of it took. I might try to return to where I went to near Baltimore or might possibly try Harrisburg, PA. I'm in therapy now with a Christian counselor but it hasn't helped too much. He's really nice to talk with but mostly the therapy he's been doing with me is mindfulness based. I think I probably need to find another therapist.

I think a new therapist can make a big difference. I’ve experienced that, too. Whatever you decide you need to do, I hope you start feeling a bit better soon.

Thank you, TP! I am thinking I need to make some sort of change to start moving forward. I might look into the Psychiatric hospital maybe and see how that maybe goes. Thank you so so much for your kindness

You’re welcome.

I’m at a -2. I’ve barely been sleeping. I keep on waking up with panic attacks. It’s just a rough patch with PTSD which will pass, but it sucks while it’s here.

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through too! It's not easy when you have Panic attacks at night. It's hard when you can't get sleep too. I have trouble sleeping also. I get Panic attacks too trying to sleep some nights. I hope it gets better for you and hope it gets better with the PTSD too.

Thanks!