Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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I wanna be happy, but maybe I should stop ignoring my problems.

I want a hug, but I don't wanna bring anyone down. People have too many problems already.

I want to talk about, but I don't know how to say it, there's too much information and my brain can't handle it.

I don't knowww, nyuuuh, I wish it would all just disappear.

Err, I just wanna pretend it's all good and I'm peachy and let's just forget about it.
But, if I don't do anything then nothing will change. .__.

I still don't really understand what happened. Everything seemed to be going well and then things just stopped.

I've never been so disappointed in my life.

Did someone assume that I didn't like you back and told you that? Why would I tell them something personal like how much I like you? How would they know how I feel? Why would you listen to what other people think?

Did you think I stood you up? I didn't think you cared because you didn't get back in touch to confirm like you said you would. Also, I couldn't actually go because of circumstances beyond my control, did no one pass on the message?

Do you really think I don't care?

I've never felt so sad.im so sad that I can't even cry anymore. I'm past that. I'm just tired an numb.

Why can't we make this work?

f**k you man, f**k you. How dare you make me feel like this about myself. Every time I have to explain myself to you it takes so much energy, and you don't listen - you clearly don't respect me. How can you say that you care when you are wilfully ignoring how f*****g miserable this has made me. I tried really hard, I actually shared how I was feeling, which is something I don't do, ever, just to make you see that this isn't going to go anywhere. I'm not some broken thing that you can fix, and while I was initially sad that I wasn't able to make a relationship work (against all my instincts and experience), I'm way past that now. You say you want to understand me but you ignore everything I say. You ignored the fact I was clearly upset and gave me a load of s**t about stuff I had already explained to you. I tried, man, but I don't have to justify myself to you like this. And since I already ended it, what do you think I owe you anyway? You 'won't give up on us'?!?! OH MY GOD .

If you think you're being romantically stubborn, please know you are actually harassing me. f**k you.

What went wrong? Why don't you like me any more? What did I do wrong?

Why were you so enthusiastic and now you're not?

I don't understand and it really hurts. You have no idea how much you've hurt me.

I don't really know. Just, don't know...

Mm...
What seems to be fun in the moment isn't always good in the long run.

Aww my god, standing around and hugging each other and saying "I love you" and being a mushy s**t doesn't solve any of my problems.

I am a bored and lonely person. What do I do?
...Probably nothing, 'cause that's what I always do...

Rawrrr. Ugh, blehhhhh. Look, I'm a blob. A blobbity blob blob. Blah.

I'm gonna go make faces in the mirror, 'cause that's amusing... I'm amusing.. guh.

I wanna have a conversation. Conversations are fun.

....Ehhh, what is fun?

Honestly if everything is either hard or unpleasant or overwhelming, why not just do nothing at all?

But, I don't think that's a very good decision... and I can feel the ramifications of it being NOT. Urrr. big-time.

But, why do I keep on just not caring?

.... 'Cause I don't know what to do.

And I don't wanna talk to anybody 'cause I'm too scared to talk to people...

Why?

hurtloam, what's up with that picture? it is scary
is it there ... to scare?

I thought you were Grisha. I kinda miss him.

I used to look at you and feel butterflies, now I just feel pain

I will make it through the day.
One thing at a time, it can be accomplished.
Everything is manageable. (....I hope.)


(....With a shit-ton of work it can be accomplished. I don't know if I can do that. ....But then again, if I don't do anything, then things will just keep on being as they are... and that's not good.
Soo I guess I don't really have a choice.

So I'll try. The best I can. That's the most I can do.

Whatever happens happens. And I will deal with the consequences. And I will live through them.
That is all. That is how I will keep existing.

Because life is beautiful and many things can happen so I should try my best in the moment so that I can enjoy my life in the moment.

Everything will pass, and even if it doesn't, I can find a way to live with it.

"It's okay."

That's my mantra, but is it really true?