Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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Dear human,

I am done with your crap. I'm just gonna lock you out my room at this point so I don't have to deal with you.

I'm just gonna freakin' zone you out. We don't even need to talk. I really-- grr, I wanna say I don't but I do, but I don't really care at this point.

I try so hard and literally go out of my way to be nice to you, but I don't get nothing in return. I try to understand what's going on with you, but you just get mad and tell me to go away.

It's frustrating because I really do care, but I'm really, really, really, REALLY sick of this, and I am at my limit.

I care about you, but I'm also human, and I have needs and emotions, too.

And the next time this freakin' happens, I'm just gonna call Dad up in the middle of the week and ask him to take me to his house, 'cause I really cannot deal with you any longer.

Dear Lillikoi

dcj,

Nice pictures!

Dear Denis Istomin,

If all goes well, I will be at Indian Wells from March 4-8. I hope I can get to meet you. You really inspired me.

Dear Church

f**k you, I hate you all.

All your do is preach racism and anti homosexuality and talk about how evil drugs are all the while exchanging pills from behind the pews. Talking about how you guys hate drugs when your selling em to the very people your trying to "save" from an unhealthy lifestyle.

OMG

It would be against the rules for me to point out your racist BS geared towards the black community so I won't. Talking about how God saved you people from homosexuality when all you did is move it to the closet. God forbid people think negative of the Church so lets just spray paint over our problems and point out everyone elses.

Dear Lady Cockroach,

I thought I could enlighten you this morning. I thought that I could show you that it's wrong that you're telling Barb not to bother to hang around me, because I don't wish to be a f*****g lady. I feel that it's wrong that you're telling her not to invite me to go out with Dean and herself because you think I should be hidden away, because you think the way that I dress isn't very encouraging, because I don't wish to dress like a f*****g lady. Something is going to happen to your health this year. God is going to get you back. I don't know where you're going to go when you die, but it's not going to be Heaven.

Schultz

Dear Human,

I always forget all about it

and then I remember.

Denis,

It looks like I won't be coming to see you at Indian Wells after all. Maybe someday it can become a reality.

I don't care if you don't stay together,
I just don't want to end up alone. With her.

I'm gonna be glad to get out of here, because I wanna get away from you and have freedom.

Stop bugging me about everything, not everything is an argument.

Nor is it your business.

Dear Grandma,

You finally got your angels. I'm so glad. Please ignore the tears, because I also feel incredibly sorry for myself, and you always did teach me that I should let my feelings show so they wouldn't drive me crazy.

I hope it's just like they told you in church. If it is, I know you have a throne and a crown taller than you. You carried so much in life. I hope you believed me when I told you I knew, and how well you'd done. I hope I saw what I think I did in those last seconds-- I think I saw you see your Jesus just before you left us. I hope you were as happy and relieved as you looked.

I hope I get there someday. I hope we get to see each other without all the wishes and fears and resentments between us. Without all the things The b***h called you (I saw you smile when I told the girls that story, and about how it was you who tended her in her last years). Most of all without the damned autism, without all the hurts that loving three generations of us without understanding what was going on gave you and without the issues that kept each of us from being the family you should have had.

Tell them all I love them. All of them. Tell them I will do my best to get there too, and then we'll see each other without all the things that got in the way. You were miraculous in life. I can't wait to see you with God's eyes.

I'm trying to keep my kitchen neater. I'll try to either quit smoking or quit cussing, but I probably can't quit both. I'll try to play with the kids more and yell less, but we got to remember that I'm their mom, not their grandma.

I wish we could have kept you forever. No I don't. That's not a good thing to wish for.

I love you. We will figure it out. Have fun.

-- Me

Dear moi,

Everything is solvable, even if you don't think it is. Don't give up.
Keep existing.

I don't understand youuuuuuu

At aaaaaaalllll

It's frustratiiiiiiiiiing


AUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHH.

I am fully convinced you are friggin' crazy.

And yet, you don't seem crazy when I talk to you normally. I'm confused.

Dear Human,
You are not me.
You do not control me.
Your decisions are not my decisions.

I don't care what you say. Anything more after this, and I am DONE.

In two months, it'll be my birthday.

I don't have to stay with you.
I don't even have to talk to you anymore.
So if you want me to stay around, you'd better freakin' TRY.
Try to improve yourself.
Try to be a better person.

I love you, but I don't know if I can live with you.