Rants

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I love you, Drawyer. I have been trying to learn to love myself more and not call myself a she-dog or get overwhelmed by guilt. Maybe we can help each other!

^ Thanks and I love you too.
Your being here has been helping me already.

I don't think I can last much longer.
I see senselessness everywhere.
Senselessness, I tell you.
Sense less ness.

I would like very much to be able to learn things much faster, in general.

I want to return to creative mode.

either let me be youthful and vigorous again or let me go to heaven.

How people "This is just my opinion" to dispute a proven fact, even when you logically present an argument to them in a manner that a 3 year old could follow -____-

^^^ welcome to WP

People should spend far less time musing over trivial events and start living to see new, more exciting ones.

@auntlabby What happens when you reach 50,000 posts? Maybe Alex will visit your house and deliver you a cake!

well, he hasn't done that [at least publically] for Cockneyrebel nor Tim Tex [both in the 6-figure neighborhood] so I kinda doubt he'll do it with my measly 50k posts

I don't know why I even bother looking for work. I saw an ad earlier this month on Craigslist for a part-time auto parts deliveryperson for a major foreign auto parts chain. I applied for the position on their website. I get a call 2 weeks ago for an interview. At the interview, which lasted 15 minutes (and wasn't much of an interview), I signed an job acceptance letter, and was given paperwork to sign off on to initiate a background check. The acceptance letter stated the position would start on 31 March, 2016. The store manager told me that I would be notified before 31 March if my background check is accepted. I have yet to hear from these people, so I'm assuming I did not get the job. I got medical bills and credit card bills that have now gone into collections, thereby permanently ruining my credit, which wasn't very good to begin with. Now with my car acting up again, the bank threatening to close my checking account because I bounced checks, AGAIN, and people making unreasonable demands on me again, I'm ready to have a frontal lobotomy done, so I can no longer feel or do anything. I've had it!

there's still tomorrow. let us know either way.

That's a lesson every autistic needs to learn sooner or later (I'd say the sooner the better): in Real Life(TM), rational and intellectually honest debate essentially doesn't exist (it probably does exist somewhere, because the concept must have come from there, but that place has always been beyond my reach and seems likely to remain so), and, if you ever try to engage in it, be very aware others will never acknowledge it, let alone abide by it. They'll systematically defend whatever they want to believe (or shove down your throat) by resorting to whatever is most convenient to shut you up, and they'll feel perfectly justified to do so because you'll be seen as rude and controlling for trying to change their thoughts. Logic and evidence simply don't matter---at all. You're likely to offend people and they'll feel they're genuinely doing the right thing attacking you in whatever way they choose to teach you some manners, like beating you up if they can. In other times or places, attempting a rational debate would be an excellent way to end up in a duel.

Well, Thursday's come and gone, and no callback from the prospective employer. I guess I can kiss this potential job goodbye, no thanks to my f!cked up credit(which I only have myself to blame)

i came very close to being involved in an incident that would have resulted in me being charged by police if i had not had the discipline to avoid it.

i was driving back from a 300 km round trip, and i was feeling hungry, and i remembered a little hamburger shop i had tried only once before (and was very impressed with), so i bypassed all my usual possibilities for buying food, and i waited until i got to that shop. i was drooling for a hamburger with egg and cheese and bacon and extra fried onions with barbecue sauce (and the obligatory lettuce and grated carrot and thin cucumber slices and thin tomato and beetroot slices all in a hamburger which one can easily open ones mouth wide enough to bite), and so i placed my order.

the officious but stupid woman who was a new employee informed me that it was not on the board, so i must order something from the board.
i said that i was gladly prepared an identical order a few weeks ago, and i did not understand why it was now impossible to produce.
she said "because it is not on the board".
me: the board is merely suggestions i thought
her: no that's the menu.
me: right, so i can't have a hamburger with cheese egg and bacon, but i CAN have a hamburger with cheese and bacon, or a hamburger with egg.
her: that's what it says on the board.
me: i can't see it written there that "hamburgers with cheese egg and bacon are not possible".

she went and spoke to a senior person behind a wall in the shop who told her to cook my request.

she then started to prepare my order. there are other people behind another wall who actually cook the ingredients and then pass the cooked ingredients to her (in view of me) who simply assembles the burger.

i looked outside for a few minutes, and when i looked back to see how my burger was progressing, i noticed that everything was on it except for the lid, and she was standing there, splay eyed, just zoned out looking into the distance.
i wondered what she was waiting for, and so i decided it must be the bacon since i could not see it on the burger (the fried egg was the topmost layer).

i became impatient and thought "bugger the bacon if it's going to mean the burger goes cold while waiting for it!!"

i became annoyed thinking it must have been her fault for delaying telling the people out the back to cook the bacon, because bacon cooks quicker than the meat patty which was already on the burger.

i suppressed my rising impatience and waited about another minute and i was going to tell her to just wrap it up and i will buy it like that (including paying for the bacon), but before i could speak , she lifted the egg with her tongs and saw that the bacon was already on the burger!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

so the burger went cold because of her heinous incompetence!! !! !!

when she wrapped the burger and passed it to me, i said "so i guess i'll just drive 50 km home and pop it in the microwave to heat it up will i?!"

then, a fat man wearing only shorts and a singlet and cement encrusted work boots said to me "mate, it's gettin' pretty ordinary" (referring to my behaviour (it is an australianism for "i'm not impressed")).

i said "yeah! ordinary is the operative word"
he said "yeah just take ya stuff and piss of hey?", and i had a passionate desire to push the burger into his head (without taking it out of the bag as i was too impatient) and wipe it all over his face and see what he would do about that, but i suddenly realized that people may be calling 000 (aus for 911) by that time and i would come out looking quite disturbed if the police came, so i walked out and pegged the burger into the bin and got in my car and left.

i am pleased that i can now abort meltdowns by envisioning the consequences.

Life is exhausting. The world is full of terrible people, thankfully there are some out there that make me believe there is still hope for humanity. Been trying to get help for my anxiety and depression for over a year now and dealing with so called "experts" and "professionals" that don't really care, don't know anything about Asperger's, are condescending, laughed at me or laughed at trauma I've been through, et cetera. I feel worst than before. Starting to think that help and life improving will never happen because I've exhausted every resource where my home is. Makes me miss the a few of the doctors I had back in high school. They were kind and wanted to help me instead of doing the old "in-and-out" appointments that happen here.