Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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Dear You,

How do I stop hating you?? It doesn't change anything.

Love,

Me

Dear nan,

Please stop analysing and pointing out to me how often I go out, how often I eat, and when, and what. It is starting to really grate and it feels very controlling.

smudge.

Dear friends
I miss you
I hope you can forgive for my careless past behaviour. they say that you don't know what you got till it's gone and I'm really feeling it right now
love, me.

Dear Dad,

Please let me fail. I know you want to protect me from the heartbreak from failure, but there are some things I have to learn from experiencing myself. Your lectures do not have the same impact. Besides, when you turn out to be right, you'll get to say to me, "See? I was right you were wrong!".

In other words, YOU. ARE. DRIVING. ME. INSANE!!

Dear Mom,

When someone lays out their washing machine fund, their riding lawnmower fund, their new flooring fund, and all their project money for the next two years to fund an 85% chance of saving your dog's life, the appropriate response IS NOT to b***h them out for neglecting to invite you on a Dollar General run (after investing 5 hours in taking you and said dog to the emergency specialist vet clinic).

"Thank you" isn't necessary, but it would be a very nice gesture if you could refrain from ad hominem attacks and pitching hissy fits worthy of said someone's bratty 8-year-old daughter for just a day or two.

I realize it's probably a little weird to receive lessons in social skills from an Aspie, but I have spent a couple of decades thinking about considerate social behavior in depth.

Love,

Me

Dear Christabel.

I know you're probably never going to read this, but that's okay. I get that. Despite being an Aspie yourself, your family seems to have a low respect for both yourself, and for me.

You left me at the time when i needed you the absolute most. I was at the end of my rope. My job? Gone. My bills? Piling up. My car? Broken. My heart, Breaking apart. You decided to listen to your Cheebye Parents. The ones who called me a loser. The ones who said I wouldn't amount to nothing. You were dragged away from my arms, and the demons which consumed me, threw me in front of a car.

...I thank the stars that it stopped before it hit me.

Because if it wasn't for you leaving me, I would have never realised that you never loved me. You loved the idea of being loved, but when it came down to it, you never had the courage to fight for me. You never had the common decency to stand up for the man who gives you his everything. His heart, his soul, his hopes and dreams.

Your family calls me a loser? I'll call you something and your cunty family you something you Singaporeans understand. Chao Chee Bye Lah.

I am no loser. I will rise above you, and outlive you. I will be happier, stronger, and smarter, knowing that I knew you, and I knew you for who you really were.

Goodbye.

rtmpgt.

Dear Mom,

Putting my child in therapy without my consent IS NOT OK.

"Offering" to have Social Services come to my house IS NOT OK.

She has a f*****g MINOR SPEECH IMPEDIMENT. No amount of anything on this Earth is going to make her talk "correctly" on your timetable, or at any point before her brain is ready.

Thanks to YOU, I now get to beat the county and their Ivor Lovaas-worshipping QUIET HANDS off my sweet, happy, vulnerable little girl. All because YOU want clearer fricatives faster, out of a little girl who is BARELY FIVE YEARS OLD.

GET OUT OF MY HOUSE. NEVER COME BACK. DON'T CALL, DON'T TEXT, DON'T SEND BIRTHDAY CARDS. YOU HAVE OVERSTEPPED YOUR BOUNDS AND YOU ARE NO LONGER WELCOME HERE.

You don't know how much I wish I could say that out loud.

YOU can deal with the consequences.

Dear You,

You disgust me. Your attitude, your values, your behavior, your lack of self-control, your expectation that I will supply you with self-control even while you cuss and berate me every time you don't get your way.

You are not a child. You make me sick. Get some Ritalin, and grow up already.

--Me

I can't blame you. Why? Because it took me about three or four days to figure out exactly what kind of person you are. You see I'm not as naive as I might seem to be. So why did I keep going? Well I'm self destructive is parts of it It can sometimes feel "good" to be treated bad. Also when you have low self worth being treated bad is what you feel you deserve. Also I thought I could control it. I was wrong. You did get under my skin.

i honestly believe you developed some sort of brain damage by drinking that sulfur water back in cabot.

dear ~,

i want to move on with my life without ~, and since you two are in separable, that means you must be collateral damage. i did everything i can to be a good friend to her, but i see absolutely nothing to gain keeping her in my life going forward. i'm tired of waiting around hoping she'll be the person i thought she was when we met. as of now, i've been in touch with her for 4 months. every time i try to talk to her, it's just cheap small talk, 2 minutes worth, no sustenance. every time i try to get her to go out, she blows me off entirely. weather it's "i'll let you know" only to not hear back, or just a complete non-response. and sitting here watching how little she cares honestly, it f***s me up.

i know you said "invest nothing into it, just go with it" and i'm telling you, as a man, i can't do that. i'm always going to try to make up for the mistakes i made, and i'm always going to wonder if those "mistakes" are even mistakes, or worthy of needing to be made up for. i'm always going to hope she'll talk to me about what happened that day. i can't just let bygones be bygones, i'm always going to wonder what i did that was so horrible that i deserved to be ghosted. the only way to understand that it wasn't my fault is to move on with my life, 100%, without her. i will never learn to be confident, as a man and in my social skills, i will never learn to understand my autism doesn't make me a second class citizen, as long as women like her are involved in my life.

i'm sorry i have to write this on an anonymous internet forum where it will never reach you. i don't feel she deserves to know how much i care or how much i still think about her because quite honestly, i think she used me for attention, and i don't feel like giving her more of it. you were always a good friend, and i loved you as if you were my step mother, but i can't keep holding on to this idea that she'll magically apologize or open up to me one day. she won't. and the more you keep forcing us to be around each other the worse off my mental health will be. please go away.

andy

you know, i would at least appreciate you letting me know how you're doing every once in a while, just so i don't have to keep worrying myself sick about whether or not you've been kidnapped, are terminally ill or are lying dead in a ditch somewhere.

i KNOW you know i worry!! !

Dear you,

Never change. It is easy to forget the good in one's soul until it is confronted by the bad of another's.
In your own way, through cold deliverance, you're helping a lot of good people.

Many argue the world doesn't need people like you. That you should not exist, or should be purged.
I couldn't disagree more.

Sincerely,

Me.

Sorry for lashing out. I shouldn’t keep anyone from seeking support here.

Dear You,

I've spent the last 10 years trying to earn your... what?? Love?? You say I love you and you put your penis in me a lot, so I guess that's not it. Kindness?? Friendship??

Whatever it is, where I can talk to you about whatever is on my mind, and you might not agree, but you won't mock me and dismiss me and tell me I'm stupid and become enraged if I don't come into compliance with your opinion quickly enough.

I have grown to fear you. I have grown to look at you and feel disgust-- not because you've gotten fat and middle-aged and I have to work harder to keep it standing up long enough for you to finish (NOT my fault, no matter what you say), which is what you think, but because you're just another nasty person, just another sack of s**t looking for dominance and a cheap ego-trip, and once upon a time I was stupid enough to think you were so much more.