Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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A letter I will never send but need to write....

Dear Amy

It's taken me a long time to be up to writing this, as what happened left me full of so many conflicting emotions. But, I wanted to say that I have gotten to a point now where, despite all that happened, I wish only happiness and good things for you. I don't claim to fully understand it but I don't think that being the way you are, regardless of how much control you have over the lying, is something that makes your life a happy one overall and, while I was able to leave (difficult though it was), you don't have that option. That must be tough.

I still feel used, hurt and manipulated but, even if it was some kind of game for you, even if in some sense things were fake, even if you are genuinely a full-blown sociopath, I experienced an intensity of connection that I had never felt before and made me realise what was possible. We could get into how genuine it was but I felt what I felt. Now, we can't ever have that, but now I know what it can feel like and that's so exciting. I might one day find someone else who can make me feel like I felt when we were together. I might not - in which case, I will never stop being grateful for making me a better person and giving me hope that I thought I had lost. It was only six months but I think it was almost certainly the best six months of my life and nothing can take that positivity away. So thank you and good luck finding your own happiness whatever form that takes.

Si

To Rafael Nadal and David Ferrer:

Congratulations to you and Team Spain in Davis Cup!

To Denis Istomin:

Congratulations to you and your team on making it to World Group.

Dear John,

Honestly, I don't want to have you as a doctor anymore. You are only there for me 2 out of 7 days a week, and your nurse Tiffany seems to ignore any calls I send her way. Because you refuse to want anything to do with me, my marriage is falling apart because of my meltdowns, and now my husband doesn't want to talk to me.

I liked it so much better when Melinda was my doctor. She was there for me 24/7, and actually made an effort to help. Instead, my family made me see you. I kind of find it hard to believe that A. you are a legitimate doctor, and B. your wife went through the same damn thing! You are lying to me just to make me feel better, and it is hurting my relationship.

You are now on the same s*** list as my father and my e-commerce teacher. I hope bad things happen to you in the future.

Your (soon-to-be ex) patient

Dear Kids,

I’m sorry about our lives. I think, if I’d known this was the future, I might not have had you. I love you so much. But I’m not your mother any more.

I know you’d argue with me. I think you like life with this person who always says yes to Daddy buying you stuff, doesn’t correct you very much, gives lots of hugs, and just sounds sad and tired all the time. I think two out the four of you don’t remember any other Mommy, and one of you never KNEW any other Mommy.

But I remember. I remember a MOTHER who would scold and spank and stand you in a corner, who still gave all kinds of kisses and hugs, who did fun and educational stuff with you, who taught a 3-year-old and a 1-year-old to “help” with chores over the rest of the family’s objections, not because I expected you to actually do the work for me, but because one day you would be big.

If I’d known that person was going to wear out, give up, and become another eater raising little eaters, I don’t think I would have had you. You deserve better. You deserve stung bottoms and lectures and warmth and hikes and camp outs and projects. You deserve ENGAGEMENT. And I don’t have it to give you, and all the people who could have done it in my stead are far away or dead.

Regretfully,
Mom

Dear you, you're basically a stranger to me now but when i think of how much time we spent together it seems like it was another world we lived in. I will never have another person like you in my life, i'm thankful for both the happiness and the pain. I'm sorry i wasn't able to make you happy as much as i wanted to. And i hope the person you marry can do that. Goodbye.

L,

Why did you ignore me? What did I do that was so bad?

To the woman who gave birth to me,

You told me to get rid of the war helmet and get rid of The Kinks two years ago when I was going through some changes that you hated. I'm getting closer to leaving the helmet at home, but I will never be able to get rid of The Kinks. England has that one thing that Germany doesn't have and that's The Kinks.

The Queer you gave birth to.

Dear Joe,

You need to seriously f*** off, RIGHT NOW! You are a lousy "doctor" to my husband, and I put that in quotes because I have a feeling that you are a f***ing quack. You threatened to lock him up if he didn't take his meds (which, for the record, he didn't want to). If you're gonna do that, then you will have to get past me first, and I will make you life hell.

Your worst f***ing nightmare

Rafael,

Good luck at the French Open! Make it number eleven! You would have seventeen major championships, just three behind Federer!

Dear only friend, please stop texting me everyday if you're going to leave for another country. I need to learn to be on my own now. Also please stop making fun of me for wanting to get married, not everyone has friends that will be there for you in sickness. I need someone to be there for me.

dear tyger,

hey just a forewarning i might be drunk,
so it's not up to me to decide how seriously you want to take this
but i think i'm being sincere here
hear me out
you know how you tell me how you lurk places online to see how people are, like you did with my sister?
i don't mind that at all, cause i did the same thing with you a little bit
do you remember that time in 2016 when you flaked on me?
you probably don't think much of it at all, but that f****d me up
cause like, i thought that was your way of telling me u wanted nothing to do with me and to basically f**k off
i thought that you thought you outgrew me and were too cool for me
i know it sounds ret*d in retrospect but this is why you have to be straight up with me and literal about stuff
otherwise i just wont get it
so yeah after that i left you alone cause i figured you were upset and needed some space, but tbh i was a bit upset at you
but maybe i left you alone for too long...
i tried to contact you after that but it was fruitless and i stopped, but honestly if i had known at the time about all that s**t with DV
i would have done a lot more
i wouldn't have given up
i feel so guilty still for not being there
so
a few months ago, i was lurking in general, and i decided i wanted to see how you were
and i saw this one pic of you....holding cupcakes
and i know it was taken innocuously but like...you looked so skinny and ill and sad
and it made ME sad
because i don't have a lot of empathy, but i do for you i think
i wanted really badly to see how you were doing and i found your stuff on bandcamp, and i bought your chiptunes and you know what happened later...
i know you're eating more, and you do look very good and healthy as of late, but i can't help but think
it's like you're withering away
and it hurts to see
and you smoke SO MUCH i wish you wouldn't
i know you use it to dull the pain and i don't want to take that away from you
but i think of the long term effects and how it can f**k you up more
i'm glad you want to drop tobacco at least
and i'm trying to improve myself and be less of inarticulate awkward sperg who lets himself get manipulated because he's blind and can't detect bad people
to be a better person, to you and to everyone
and i hope you're noticing
and i want to protect you WTF
and distract you when you're being surrounded by sh***y people
....
i don't know..
this is just a really longwinded way of saying
i love you, okay
so much
don't f*****g forget it.

^HAHAJAHAHSJSHAHSGS


LOL

Denis,

I wrote a fan letter to you and I hope you will answer it. It would be exciting to get a response.

Dear you,

Thanks for stopping by.
You've learnt some more about me.
And vice a versa.

I hope knowledge isn't a burden in this case.
I could do with more visits.

Sincerely,

Me.

dear tyger,

if you don't message me or initiate any sort of interaction with me within the next 3 days i'm going to block you from everything and cut you out of my life completely. i'm so tired of giving up so much energy and time on you and never getting anything in return. fυck off.

Dear You,

So, it has come to this. Either I choose to support you in your aspirations, or you use what little power you have to make my life miserable, and you expect me to inform you of my decision tonight. "Check, and check-mate", you said. So be it.

I would call your bluff, but I'll raise the ante instead. You see, I know all about your double-dealing. I know about the cabin at the lake. I know all about your friends from out of town. I even know about the one you met with last night. You should have been more discrete. You should have covered your tracks better. You should have put more effort into consolidating your position before trying to coerce me over to your side. You should have learned to play poker, instead of chess.

Your turn -- raise, call, or fold.