Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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Dear F....,

It has been quite some time since you wrote yourself a letter, but I think the best time for it is now, considering your paradigm shifts! Your wife has left you, without a proper explanation, and without a warning. I came to the US for her and she gave up on us within the blink of an eye! I get shunned by the person I wanted to spend my life with and now I am by myself, not really knowing In which direction to go, and what to think! You might feel trapped in that country on the other side of the planet, even though you are aware that you have friends you can rely on! You are not made for this life as it is and you would like to change everything to the way it was, but it is not going to happen! Accept it! You need to focus on what is good for you, even if what is good for you is impossible to pursue at the moment.

Try to stay positive, try to not see the black clouds over you. You have gone through enough things in the past that this should only be considered easy, yet it is anything but that.
All the mental and physical abuse you endured; all the times of loneliness and all of the people that have left you should only be a reminder to yourself that you will also get through this! You might be miserable now, thinking that no one in the world wants you, but you should know that somewhere someone is waiting for you! You don’t know who it is or when it will happen, but you will not be sad forever!

It is, of course, easier said than done, to see the silver lining, but if you try then you will see that it is just getting easier if you decide to do it

Take care and don’t give up


F....

Dear You,

I can hear you in my office from all the way over there. Your neighbor gave you a dirty look. Someone cut you off on the freeway. It's too hot. It's too cold. Someone smells funny. The copier is making too much noise. The coffee is bitter. Over and over and on and on and on...

How many times must you inflict your litany of boredom and frustration on the rest of us? There is no polite way to say this, so...

Please, shut the f*** up!

Thank you,

Me

Dear You,

As Before, So Behind; As Above, So Below.
I had to force myself to finish your story.
Are you a parent? Do the ashes have a name?
I ache with grief. If only ... if only ...

Me.

Dear You,

I'm on my way to help you because that's my duty, but I'm really scared. I can feel now that I'll be mute so let's acknowledge that ahead of time rather than treating me like an enigma. I'm doing the best I can so please don't make it more awkward than it has to be by implying you're dissatisfied. Please don't ask so many questions, please don't make references to Dad, and please don't stress-bomb me with your anxious observations all day long. I can't process or bear so much negativity especially in verbal form. I will be functional to help you, but then I'm going home to be alone.

Isabella

i knew you hadn't changed. you never had me fooled for a second.

don't be surprised if you never hear from me again. and don't sit there wondering why i'm not contacting you.

You talk a great talk, but your words are only words, and nothing more.

Show me that you can do those things you brag about, and I'll believe you.

Until then, I'll be laughing at you behind your back.

Where are you? What happened?

You knew your child was suffering.
Why didn't you try to stop her?
Denial? Indifference? Loathing?
Depression wasn't her fault,
It wasn't the devil's fault,
And it wasn't your fault, either.
Yet, you knew she was troubled.
All those men ... all those drugs...
All those needless risks she took.
We found out from the Media.
Now we know what she faced,
Every single day. And you
Acted like nothing was wrong.
Where were you when she
Really needed you?
Church? The bar?
Another party?
Where?
Why?
Why?
Why?

It's really sad that you will soon depart this world , if I could change it in anyway I would.
I am really hoping that as this sad day approaches you make your peace with your closet family.
No need to make peace with me but at the very least think about your sister and the damage you have done.
You clearly don't realise the amount of s**t you have caused in our lives or maybe you do and don't care.
I am fully expecting you to release a manifesto of the conspiracies you think were going on but I think you
are maybe starting to realise how much of a number anxiety can do to you.
It's O.K. to think crazy s**t and accuse people of it if you are ill but when you realise it's in your head it's time
to put things right. It's never too late to try and fix things.

Dear You,

So ... lemme get this straight ...

You married a man who turned out to be a junkie, and you went ahead and had three kids with him anyway. He can't hold down a job for more than a few days.

The oldest won't speak to either one of you because of how strict you were with him when he was a child. You haven't even seen your grandchild in months.

The middle, being messed-up emotionally, married a man who furnished their home with stolen goods and got caught. Now he's unemployed and facing a prison term.

The youngest excels at art, is a famous web cartoonist, and yet cannot make eye contact nor carry on a verbal conversation (hmm ... I wonder what might cause that ...).

And now you want to go back to your home country to live with your mother and leave everyone else behind for people in this country to deal with.

Lady, you're a real piece o'work, you know that? I would wish you a heart-felt "Bon Voyage" if only you would take your family with you, but with half of them not speaking to you, and the other half on the run from the cops, I guess that just ain't gonna happen.

Go.

Please, just ... go.

From, Me

To life, the universe and everything.

Stop ganging up on me. Seriously, I’m 35. If you haven’t been able to convince me to kill myself in the thirty years before my diagnosis, what makes you think you can after it?

No chance, and tell your mates depression and anxiety that I’m coming for them too.

Yours insincerely, me.

dear tyger:


not a day goes by that i don't feel like complete s**t for leaving you.

but i know for a fact that i'd just burn myself day after day if i went back.

i wish we could have made up, face to face, but what does it matter now.


i do love you. more than you can ever imagine. but you're no good to me. and i have to look out for myself because- who else will?

it's not over. we WILL cross paths again. but in the meantime, i wish you well.

it's not your fault you're like this.

Dear dad,
One of these days, I hope you decide to take care.
One of these days, I wish you wouldn't be so selfishly stubborn.
One of these days, I want to be not considered like you.
One of these days, I will find the courage to be who I am without regarding you.
I wish our relationship was kind and actually felt real.
I hope one of these days will start today or soon.
-me

Dear You,
I heard 'Wild Horses' today and the earth kinda stopped spinning. I don't know what to say or how to say it, but I'm flooded with memories so intense that I can taste the air.

I watched you suffer a dull aching pain
Now you've decided to show me the same
No sweeping exit or offstage lines
Could make me feel bitter or treat you unkind
Wild horses couldn't drag me away
Wild horses - we'll ride them someday

Somewhere out there always,
Isabella

Dear younger me,
What you did was never wrong. I love you. You are not a toy to be played with. I see that you are so much more. Feel free to grow. Don't be afraid. You are allowed to love too.
From me.