Rants

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dcj, depression fools us into thinking that we are horrible. doesn't make it true. from all my interactions with you, you seem like a decent person.

I don't know what I've written for the last few days that hasn't been a rant. I think they've been clever, thoughtful rants for the most part, but I consider them rants nonetheless.

Not a rant exactly since I'm not annoyed at myself over this (makes a change!), but I am apprehensive about my upcoming psych appointment.

I don't know what we will talk about, or how things work there; like will they expect me to talk the whole time while they just listen, will they ask specific questions, will they maybe have some questions pre-prepared based on my medical records? I'm not anxious to go but in the meantime I find it very difficult to prepare without knowing what's expected of me. The last time I had psych appointments at uni it just devolved into me crying my eyes out, and apologising for crying, and failing (I suspect) to effectively convey how I felt and why I felt it because I don't really think I know. Agh, it's easy to say 'stop over-thinking it' but I can't switch my brain off; it needs to know what to expect or it can't settle into the idea and prepare me for it. Plus, what if they think there's nothing wrong with me or there's nothing they can do to help? What if they fob me off with just this one appointment and then I never get to go back again? Finally, what if this doesn't help me? I've been clinging to the idea that talking to somebody would help me but what if it turns out I'm helpless?...

I don't actually feel all that bleak today, I feel neutral, but all this stuff will be buzzing around my mind until I can get a firm picture on what I can expect on the 31st. So, a restless week I fear.

If one doesn't believe asexuality exists, and those who think that aromantic people are indenial.

Then I "vow" to "chastity and abstinence"... Forever. You close minded ignorant people. And ohhhh yes, I'm a child in an adult's body! [/sarcasm]

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I feel horrible,

Completely horrible,

I am sick,

And I am now suicidal along with being sick because God knows I can't keep those thoughts away,

I wish I could do it but honestly I can barely get out of my bed. I feel this way and I haven't taken anything today but I am about to get loaded on like ten different drugs and I am not going to worry about potentially getting "intoxicated" because I feel like s**t and nothing is getting done anyway. I am going to get drunk, I am going to get really drunk off everything I can find up in here.

Oh yeah, the next few days are going suck, there is nothing but a lot of death and destruction in the thoughts I am currently having towards life and myself. I don't want to deal with any of this sober, this feels pretty bad on all fronts.

Life sucks, I don't want feel any of this

I hope I feel better soon,

Depression + Sick = No humanity in Dark Souls

I am going to be better tomorrow. I need to pull myself together and get my to-do list done, and I even have an extra hour to do it because the clocks will change.

I can be tired, despondent, depressive etc. when I've done my work, but until then I don't have time to indulge that and I'm not going to stand for it. This time tomorrow I will come back, I will quote this post, and I will say that I have done what I set out to do.

Work hard, Rachel; robot mode .

LOL @ the communication that just happened with my neighbor

I am clearly on something if not a number of things and my equilibrium is very much off which made it that much worse. There were others aspects of this interaction that made it even more awkward that will remain unsaid. I should never open my front door for any reason, I don't know why I can't get that through my head.

Why am I still awake?!?! GO. TO. BED.

Is anyone else seeing that the world is f****d?
Most world leaders are stupid, dangerous and reactionary.
We have nuclear weapons.
This does not end well.

I'm so glad I came across this thread, this is the perfect place to just ramble on about negative stuff

Oddly enough at the moment I'm actually not that bad of, but sinse I've written in the thread it will show up in the list of threads I usually hang out.