Rants

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I feel like a ret*d

I just feel like a empty hull with these feelings, I ignore and more come and then I continue to ignore and even more come. The evidence is overwhelming that I am of much lower intelligence. Negative and then even more negative, I can't do anything right. I just sit here and the thoughts come and go and even if I was to not act on thoughts of self harm, I am completely empty and devoid of any life when I get done thinking about how much of imbecile I really am.

Now I feel conflicted on using the words like ret*d here but its not meant as an expression of what anyone on the spectrum is but its how I actually feel about myself so yeah I am going to cry a bit

dcj. only a smart person could do such a thorough job of character assasination on themselves. not to mention your facility with coding.

I feel... I feel like a person. I feel, for the first time in a long time, that I'm real. I've made a connection. But why? What is it about her? Why her? Why? I'm so confused. I feel like I'm living multiple lives, but the only one I really want to live is the one with her. Why? I've only known her since Wednesday, and I've never even seen her face or heard her voice. So why? What is it about her that makes me feel this way? Is it even her? Is this just all in my head? Is that what I want it to be? This shouldn't even be happening. There's so many reasons it wouldn't work out. But I don't know. I feel like maybe she's feeling something similar? I don't know. If she'd be willing to work for this like I am... But what even is "this"? What do I want? I don't know. This isn't normally how my love interests go. I'm supposed to run into something recklessly and hurt everyone involved when the honeymoon period wears off and I realize my true feelings. Or rather, the lack of them. But this isn't that. This is... I don't know. This is... It feels more real. Everything feels more real. I'm not used to all these feelings. All these questions. I always have some kind of answer when I'm questioning myself or my feelings. Even if they don't hold up, I have answers. But now? I have none. I have no answers. I can't even think of any that sound good but I know aren't true. I just have feelings. So many feelings.

That is good TheGirlinTheTower

Is it good to become numb to suicidal thoughts? Is that a good solution? Is it bad to have these feelings every other week or so?

I guess so,

Both of you- dcj123 and racheypie66 are very human and have a multitude of struggles though, you keep pushing onwards which in no terms is easy, I give you credit for the intestinal fortitude you both share.

^^Focusing on your fears will only attract more fears, since you are in charge of your life, but focusing on positive things and love and light will increase your well-being and attract more wonderful-ness.

I'm sending well-wishes, spirit love, and spirit light [and some winged kitties, just for good measure!] to anyone and everyone.

I feel inferior because I have autism, I am burden on everyone. I can't do anything right and most everyone has to fix what I screw up, no one wants to be my friend because I am truly a loser. I am defective, I just want to be alone forever. I don't ever want to speak again, all I do is bring pain and conflict. All I can do is just cry, there is nothing else that can be said or done.

Myahh I don't like people, people are scary, especially strangers.

why use autism as a tool for political and ideological propaganda?
oh wait, there's ('obviously') no more p&i goals, instead there's diversity politics as ideology

or put it like,
voluntairy opting out of normal, to be put and labelled in different conditions,
really??????????????

let's call that a "smart move"

You KNEW better than to remind me why I gave up on people.

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