Rants

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My suitemates at college don't shut up about their sex lives and discussing the girls they've "conquered" and just general sex and relationship discussion about other people and I can't take it anymore. They always have multiple people in their room, and they're very loud when I'm trying to sleep. Overhearing the discussions just makes me depressed as hell; they're freshmen and I'm a junior, and they've had more girlfriends over the past month than I've had in my entire life (zero).

This month has been hard for me. I think next month will be just as hard. People I know (in real life and online) just don't care much. I'm not good at making friends and I feel like a big loser. I could post more on this site and I doubt it would make a difference. People online ignore me just as much as people in real life do. I message people and they either get super busy, forget or just dont want to talk. I don't even do anything wrong! It's just people cant freaking handle sad me, but when I'm happy- I don't get noticed much more anyway. I have a few decent friends but I worry I will just push them away because of whatever. I'm use to being ditched, so part of me is just waiting for them to ditch me.. because its super hard to be positive.

I could leave this site and people wouldnt care. I could just get rid of my internet- people wouldn't care much.

Well I am waste of space and pretty worthless

Once I got good and through f*****g my family all up to hell, I left home and proceeded to f**k everyone else around me

I want to plug a 1000 watt power supply directly to my heart and flip the switch

WARNING
* Hardcore rant *
* Not for the faint of heart, read at your own risk *

^^^Hope you get a better night's sleep tonight, and feel at least a little better in the morning .
You're very tough, it takes a lot of energy to have all that s**t in your head and still keep going.

So f**k what society thinks of you, I think you're doing pretty well, circumstances considered.

Plus your family visited at the weekend, right? So even if you feel you've f****d them up I guess they're still there for you. I could do with remembering that myself tbh .

Goodnight, sleep well

Yes my family visited but the situation is f****d,

My dad hates me and thinks I am stupid, my brother has completely removed himself from my family and told me that being a dumbass is why. My mom is chill I guess, but those relationships are s**t. They will continue to be s**t and they may even fall apart at some point like it did with my brother. Pretty much my entire family's brokenness is because of me. I mean s**t, I would be doing drugs in front of my little brother too if I thought he was an idiot which my brother made abundantly clear that he thinks I am before he left completely never to be seen or heard from again...

He said I am dead to him and I told him to f*****g leave if he hated me so and he did

That is how you burn relationships and that is what I am best at

your brother has a criminal mindset. you are better off without him. nothing he says is reliable. if you were the nicest, smartest person on earth, your brother would abuse you verbally and physically. it's him, not you, dcj.

Well I agree he is a piece of s**t but I am piece of s**t, do you see the complexity here? Its not that simple. If he is trash to me then does that not make me trash to others? If I say he is in the wrong, does that imply I am always in the right? There is no way to remove him from my life in a healthy way without being detrimental to my own health. If he doesn't deserve a place to me then I don't deserve a place anywhere.

^^^ A slight tangent but do you love your brother, despite your relationship?

My dad believes 'love is conditional'. I don't think he hates me at the moment, but he definitely has.
Love is supposed to be unconditional though, right? That's the general consensus as I've observed it. Would be interesting to hear your perspective, especially since you have a religious background.

Well now I'm just really confused.
You've spent all this effort trying to convince me you're a certain way.
Now you've done a complete backpedal.
What the hell?
So, you're only that way when it suits you?

I am sorry Raleigh,

That was selfish and it probably wasn't related to me, I hope whoever it is, even myself, you figure it out.