Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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I can be contacted directly any number of ways.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I never exactly believed anyone wanted me around in my entire life. Here I am painted into some confusing autistic corner again & that makes it difficult to believe otherwise.

I have had the s**t beat out of me for being autistic so don't expect direct answers from mixed messages I receive. I have no equlity anywhere I ever go in any way & so I cannot know what the hell a friendship really is. No matter how close I may be to anyone, I'll f**k something up & it's like people want to kill me.

I've seen enough vicious rage on the part of people close to me to know when my being direct is called for. I fully intend to insure some standard of common respect in my presence & I don't owe anyone a sugar-coated explanation of my reasons why.

I don't come from the fairytale people would prefer me to have come from. What I come with is gratitude & respect. No excuses.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I need to be alone today.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

To the best of my knowledge I have been alone by the expressed decisions of everyone I have ever known my entire life. That is what this thing is like & I can't seem to eat enough pills to fix myself in anyone's eyes.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

f*****g happy selfish people standing on everyone else to get what they want.

If someone means something to you tell them directly or they'll be oblivious.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Dear you

You think being young is hard? ROFLMAO
Man, is old(er) age gonna hit you like a ton of bricks!

What I'd give to have your "problems".

From me




Dear (another) you

Who do you think you're fooling? You're foaming at your mouth there, so yeah, totally masking it

From me

Dear You,
Please listen when I say that roses give me migraines. I tell you every year. It's really frustrating that I have to thank you for the fact you didn't listen, and I have to spend four days in agony so that you'll feel like a man.

Dear You,
Please listen when I say that roses give me migraines. I tell you every year. It's really frustrating that I have to thank you for the fact you didn't listen, and I have to spend four days in agony so that you'll feel like a man.

Dear You,
Please listen when I say that roses give me migraines. I tell you every year. It's really frustrating that I have to thank you for the fact you didn't listen, and I have to spend four days in agony so that you'll feel like a man.

(Repeating myself like usual, in hopes that you'll hear).

You have no idea who i am.
You're not my friend, and you won't even help me when i am having a hard time. I don't want people like you around. I want people who NEED me.

Dear you

Ok so on the surface I feel that you are an idiot, plus many other negative things, like being closed minded and delusional. It grates on me, gets under my skin and my instinct is to tell you to stfu, you idiot.

Yet that minset just fuels the self hatred, more of the same... which really isnt helpful for either of us. Thats well established by now.

I'm gonna try be more patient with you, forgiving and less dismissive. You know these things but you dont understand them yet, only lived experience will make that possible. You see the writing on the wall, but it doesnt make any sense through those foggy love lenses.

You dont know yet that you've built a delusional world, a house of cards, or understand how unsustainable it all is. How could you know, the only thing that's certain in a life is change, impossible to predict.

You're a shadow of the real you, such potential yet you aren't self aware, how could you be true to who you really are.
That mask, that spike laden armour keeps you feeling protected, it too is a delusion protecting a delusion.

Trust me, I've got this, I've lived through more than you could imagine, I know you're vocal but you genuinely dont know what you are talking about.

Your negativity is eating away at my core, I want you to stop, yet that's not in my power.
I'm gonna try to forgive you instead and leave the past where it belongs. Not quite forgetting, but taking the lessons learned with me.

You can't put an old head on young shoulders.

From me x

Dear you

My honest reaction is who exactly do you think you are... I'm having none of it, you screwed up years of hard work, a considered plan that was teetering on becoming a long term reality. How could you throw it away...

That's the part Im struggling with, the wasted one off opportunity, you could taste it, it was there in your palm, it was unfolding as planned.

So there were life complications... I guess considering their significance you couldn't really have done much better.

I suppose it's fair to say you done well to just still be here. I cant blame you anymore, I could blame him, but Im thinking blame is part of the issue, the reason that I'm stuck. Responsibility... yes that lies with him and his. I'm not a victim apportioning blame anymore. It just is what it is, cant be undone, time spent ruminating and lamenting cant be recouped, another lesson learned to bring with me.

I'm sorry, I wish I had been kinder, I didn't know how to, better late than never.

Me x

Dear you two, i wish i have never met you or never get close to you. I never understood when you acted familiar and friendly to me and i don't understand when you get distant. I am scared and anxious, i feel like i did something wrong and i don't know why. And i want this feeling to stop. I want this hatred to stop and get back to the peaceful time when i didn't know you.

It's the sudden coldness. The being pushed out. You make me uneasy.

I still feel she'll shocked and like I'm falling down a bottomless pit. There's an emptiness and a knowing sadness in my chest. I don't know what it is.

Maybe disappointment.

Maybe fear that I wouldn't have been brave enough to walk away.

Shame because you weren't worth it and I was stupid to believe in you.

You're like candy floss.