Rants

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^ need to work on that lucid dreaming, then you could play in your sleep

Eat cheese before bed lol

I HATE MY LIFE

I am completely screwed

I used to love lucid dreaming
Oh, this isnt a rant.. I hate balloons!

been there a few times. lived to laugh about it.

^^ what's up dcj?

You don't want to know but its in the adult forum and I am sure it makes everyone happy

I wouldn't having this problem if I could F-ing keep relationships and have some kinda of F-ing social networking but I don't because I am an F-ing (R-word)...

F

THEY WANT ANOTHER PRIOR AUTHOURIZATION! The original approval was for less $ than the pharmacy is charging so I got ANOTHER delay. Meanwhile the Prednisone is killing me. Possibly literally, I had to get a blood test on my kidney function because my urine went all dark and I'm extra puffy. I feel like death. I'm literally spending every waking hour trying to cope with the steriods. I'm close to needing to drop down and hope my disease comes raging back slower than the red tape.

My face is so swollen and it hurts. I can't wear my glasses, I'm nearly out of contacts and I found out the Dr needs a $45 refitting exam. I could get sales today (cyber monday) but now I have to wait and I am probably gonna have to rinse and rewear my last few dailies just so I can see.

Its fine really, I have gone with out before but I have no replacement this time,

I can't smoke cigarettes cause its killing me, there will be no way to think clearly. I am thinking about admitting myself to be honest, they will do jack for anxiety but maybe I would be in a calming environment at least

^^ ah s**t. Well I hope the green tea does it for tonight, and the mango etc. when you get some.

Why would it make everyone happy though? I think that's your anxiety talking; tell it to go f**k itself because I'm sure there's not that much Schadenfreude around here.



If admitting yourself is the best course of action, you're probably right (and brave, and sensible. good luck). Going without is torture for anxiety. Not the same substance/s but my brain has been slowly unravelling the past few days of going without. In a perfect world we could function without having to alter consciousness . Currently it just feels like being stuck between two different forms of poor functioning.

Well its controversial, anything controversial and you are going to have some people against it and I figured those people will think I am better off but I might not be seeing the forest for the trees. Focusing on a solution is probably better then freaking out. I am on a forum where at least part of the population probably has anxiety and has some solutions so I made a thread about it, I hope I get good ideas.

^^ that's a good call .

I may steal some of the ideas if people have any good ones.
I had a panic attack at literally nothing today. No stimulus, just anxiety. I know why, it's because I cut that coping mechanism and my brain wants me to go back to it asap. No dice.

00:00 I think this is about my limit for today.
I can feel myself starting to get desperately sad.

I have that feeling behind my eyes like I'm going to cry, and other things which are scarier. I will go to bed before I get any worse. Hopefully I can switch my brain off sufficiently to sleep.

This isn't a rant in style but it is in spirit, somewhere behind the despondency anyway. I would very much like to have fewer days that end like this.

OK this is a rant because I finally broke down, as predicted. Goddamnit it hurts so much that I can't get through this without having a f*****g meltdown. So I'm crying, and I'm scared of something outside and I don't know why, and my thoughts are just hopelessly f*****g erratic, like right now I was trying to think about what I have to do tomorrow, and I started quoting Gatsby at myself, like what the f**k? And my hands are shaking, I feel like I have all this nervous energy all of a sudden that I only had a hint of 30ish minutes ago. Why do I get like this?! Dream logic and f*****g nonsense, nothing I'm feeling makes any sense to me, and I don't know exactly what I'm feeling, I just know it's bad. Ugh I'm finding it hard to type because my fingers are moving too fast. Actually this is similar to how I feel when I'm really hopped up after a workout, but if I'm sad instead of happy. Or scared, I don't know, unidentified negative feelings. One thing's for sure, this is all inside myself. I haven't taken anything, I haven't seen anything, done anything this evening that would warrant this. This is my head, my brain is attacking itself, and I don't know why but I wish it would stop.
'Why this is hell, nor am I out of it.'
Indeed Mephistopheles, indeed.

I'll have a rant too,

I hate being disabled with every ounce of my being, I have never been in good health really and that is great that autism can be a great personality and not disabling to people but that doesn't help me. I obviously have a defective personality and maybe even be a little stupid in a few core cognitive areas. I had aspired for great things with college and effort and every bit of it was for naught. It all burnt down and that hurts because I loved it so much that I keep trying and it keep burning and now I have lose the will to try anymore. I want to burn myself instead of burn anything else