Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

Post Reply New Topic

The outgoing mail goes in the mailbox, not on top of the kitchen counter. BTW, write the return address yourself...

Dear you,

I'm an idiot and a coward. Frankly I should've reached out sooner, but I've left it too late to tell you this and now if I started messaging you out of the blue, you'd probably be weirded out and think badly of me. So now I'm left wondering what might have been, projecting an idea of you in my mind when I know that it isn't reality. In real life, we barely know each other because I never took the time to get to know you because I avoided it. Never knowing the words to say, so we barely spoke at all.

You probably don't even think of me. Frankly it's probably weird that I'm even thinking of you. We're basically strangers, but I wish we could be friends. Yet I know the possibility of that has most likely left. I regret this, but at the same time you might actually be terrible and hey maybe I avoided an awful turn of events. Thing is, I have no idea what might've happened if we'd talked more, but instead I gave up before even trying. I regret this.

My friend thinks I should just buck up the courage to talk to you, despite the gap in communications, but I have no idea what I'd say to you. This is conflicting and I hate it.

From Lost_dragon.

To yous,

I hope your relationship has been going well (if not, sorry, and I hope you get what you want), as well as your life and interest. I'm assuming you'll be playing some music over Christmas; I know it'd sound good. Birthday.

And a belated birthday to you. You know the hopes I'll hope (kinda wish they tended to come true, which I can also say about the wishes).

D

Hey, sorry I haven't checked in. Been busy so I can build our house lol things were moving too fast. I know you like me in that way too. I remember the first time we had a difference of opinion and I tensed up like you were going to scream in my face like someone in my past. Instead, you smiled and told me it was fine, and we talked thru it. You're a breath of fresh air and you haven't given me any indication that you'll take advantage of me in any bad way. I want another hug...

The biggest regret I have in my life is never taking up your offer to see you, and missing out on your embrace. That's quite a selfish one, yeah. If I were more selfless, it'd be that I never hurt you when I knew you (though, that'd be for everyone).

Wherever you are, I hope you have peace in this life.

D

thank you for sending me the messages and directly answering my questions and teaching me more, esp. how to better receive you.

Dear David Yow Jr.

It has given me great pleasure to watch your band - the one which you unceremoniously decided to kick me out of because I wouldn't play along with your megalomania - tanking and then petering out into inactivity, whilst my new songs have had good responses from everyone who's heard them, and there will be gigs to follow in the New Year. Where happened to that limited edition vinyl album you were so proudly trumpeting about? Why can't I find any evidence on any of your web pages that it was ever released? Or even a digital download of the songs? Unless it was a limited edition of one that you gave to your cradle-snatcher.

It also gives me great pleasure that you're now dating a woman ten years your senior after your gorgeous and personable ex decided you were never going to be parent material and shacked up with someone else who earned three times as much as you whilst working half the number of hours you work. And on top of that, it seems you may now be facing redundancy. You who constantly belittled and underplayed my contributions despite pretty much everyone else both in and out of the band agreeing that I had more talent than you.

I wish you a long and successful career repairing guitar leads for Van Morrison.

Best
RG.

Maybe I'm irrational, and yeah, I am; says it right there on the label. Maybe you're gone, maybe not. Maybe I think someone is there when they aren't, as memories feel like now. Maybe the last time I broke broke my hands and I'm stuck in emotional time. Maybe I woke back up again from wherever I go, but the world moved on. Maybe you're happy and have the life you want, and I'd be quite happy for you if that's the case. Maybe I feel too much for things that don't exist, as they still exist for me. Maybe I need to say goodbye like with others, so I can move on; not that I ever do, but more like I stop thinking so much of you. Maybe some things can't be fixed, and that's something I understand. Maybe we can fix it. Maybe I know you're here walking with me, as I can feel you wherever you are because I'm still irrational. Maybe I keep on saying the same thing, just worded slightly different each time.

I'll send a message to you someday, I just don't know when. Emotionally vulnerable and all over here. I'm far more fragile than I look and admit. As strong as I am in some ways, I'm really weak in others. That's something I probably never got across as much as I should have; well, I did, just incorrectly (ye olde avoidance).

D

To you, dude

You're off in a that unknown place, and I'm happy you did find some acceptance in this life and with yourself. You helped me more than you should have way back when 20 odd years ago, as we were all the same with the same pain. You were a good man, even if you thought you weren't. Thanks for allowing me to share things with you, and I tried to listen as best I could for yours. Here's hoping the [bad] tinnitus leaves us when we leave this life; I'm pretty sure it does. As you said, the survivors are the ones that suffer.

I'm sorry I wasn't in contact with you in recent years, but you know how that one goes. Yeah, I'll finally concede that the Hi-Power is a better weapon than the 1911, but only due to capacity.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us.

D

To...yeah,

I'm sorry for not sharing everything about me. It's just...yeah. I should have. I should have done a lot of things that were more important than this. Sharing painful things leads to sharing even more painful things and...sometimes you fear going backwards for various reasons, which ironically happened anyway. That's how trust and the other things go. I would have eventually, it's just trust is one of those slow building things with me due being a turtle with a hard shell (which is a product of one of those even more painful things).

I can't change the past though, just apologize. I can change the future, but...yeah.

Take care,
D

To you,

Yeah, I can be an insensitive jerk, and I'm sorry there. I'm a mad bull in many ways; no hesitation, just doing. Might be why I'm red when I see myself. I should probably hesitate more, but it's probably too late for that one, lol. Sorry again.

(To be fair, a lack of hesitation comes in handy in some situations, but they're rare.)

D

To you, dad

The ironic thing is the few things you did teach me, the few things that got my interest, ultimately led to me being here and able to care for the person you hurt so much as you fled because she was now a "burden" and couldn't give what she did previously, which was all the way up to saving your life from the drugs. You never deserved to even speak to her.

Thanks for that I guess

To you,

I'd say hello since I'm around and hope and wish all those hopeful and wishful things, but I still see it as wrong since you probably have a partner. Had my second breakdown not long after you told me (multiple reasons, and not because of that one; I was happy for you there. Just a temporal association), so I guess the timing worked out there; I really didn't want to bother you. Been a while, and I only really put myself back together as best I could about a year ago. A slow life comes at you fast and then breaks the metronome.

I think about you all the same, and that's probably the autism there (though, I don't want to pathologize such a thing as I'd rather it be a personality trait). Hard to know others; hard to forget others. I'm glad I don't forget. It kinda feels wrong to.

Those hopeful and wishful things from afar. Music in the air there.

Take care,
D

To you,

I can't really think of you much (not good for my emotions, as moved on and all; not that I really do because those limited connections, but I think of you less if I "move on", and if off in the future I could love in a similar way again with it being reciprocated and something changed about me that allowed it to continue for that forever way. Yeah, I couldn't and nothing changed; kinda feared loss too much after you, and I did end up breaking down in an amazingly fun way years later, and it showed I'm always going to be a broken mess and I can't hold on to the love as my arms fall off), but I sometimes do think of you, like now. Losing lots of things, so memories; I'm sure you'd understand that one. I often wonder if you're a mother (you'd be a good mom). Lots of good memories, a few bad ones, and thank you for everything. I hope those close to you are fine, as are you. You know everything I'd say to you likely better than I do, so I don't even need to say it, but I thank you more than anything for listening to some of that pain I really can't talk about.

I put you and the ring back in the purple box in my head and lock it up to keep safe forever.

Wherever you are,
D

To...yeah, but I'll say violet (as roses are red),

I still sometimes hold my hand against the computer screen and imagine yours is on the other side. As it still helps me when I feel as low as I can get, such as now. Thinking of you beats talking to strangers on the phone, as even though I realistically know I'll never interact with you again, I still have memories, and they help. I just cry after I hold my mother's hand nowadays, as the circumstances around it often aren't good ones. I think of you too much. When it came to my own emotions with you, and as I told you, I loved you too much when I was able to love again (without conveying it to you other than in as nonchalant a way as I could to lessen the transfer), and my fear of loss was far too great if it was reciprocated. You know my biggest regret when you offered. When I broke into pieces for the second time, it all came apart. I hurt you, which is the only thing I fear in this world other than loss of loved ones. The promises I made are still there, and I think you know that.

I'll have to say goodbye to you too and move on (not that I do, but you know). I will, but just thinking of you helps me right now and holds me together, which is probably selfish in a way, but since it's just thoughts, I'll say that one doesn't count.

I'm sorry for everything.

Care,
D

You cannot develop as a person within a community unless a group gives you the self-awareness, care & consideration you need to come to terms with your reality. Pointing fingers and making fun of people until they want to kill themselves and attempting to emotionally assault them until they have no individuality remaining - is not okay.

I have done this to other people in the past & I deeply regret it. But I have received way more abuse than I've dished out, so I can rest easy in my conscience.