Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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Probably the last thing I can think of that needs to be said & I am feeling bold enough to say it and feeling 'listened to', finally.

Somebody asking you on the third day or so if you want to go the cash machine so they can pay you back half of money owed to you & then paying the other half via Paypal, after I had returned home is definitely not being 'rude' as someone who has serious executive function issues (me).

I was trying my best. Clearly you had far higher standards than I could manage. You knew I was unemployed and poor at the time. You knew I was vulnerable. You should have taken that into consideration before claiming in the group we were a part of that I hadn't paid you back any money.

Literally everything you said was either an outright lie or twisted in some way. This isn't a criticism - it's to improve your self-awareness so you don't hurt other people as you hurt me. It's also not manipulation - simply a statement of how things were for me.

I have no reason to lie about having been poor or unemployed. It doesn't improve my image in any way apart from proving I am authentic & speak the truth.

You can't just expect an Autistic person to 'know' what to do intuitively on a social level.

Hello there. Look, the world may be a screwed up place, but we will endure. For so long, we've had our ups and downs as a society, but somehow, we will bounce back.

I thought I was your best friend. I know what you're thinking: "you still are". If that's the case, then why do you go around Facebook telling other people you are best friends with someone else? Are you ashamed of me?

You know what, I am tired of even trying anymore. You never help when I need you the most anyway, so why keep trying? I don't think I want to be friends with you anymore if this is the kind of person you are going to be.

Good f***ing riddance!

I didn't want to talk to you, I just wanted a different hot glue gun.

Best friend doesn't have to be a literal thing meaning 'number 1 friend'.

Let's say a person has 7 friends. They might have two of those who are better friends than the rest. Therefore they have 2 best friends. The larger your friend circle, the more 'best friends' you might have.

Just because someone has multiple friends doesn't mean they are ashamed of you. They are probably just juggling their time availability.

This is particularly true of friends who have executive function issues. They might not be talking to you because they are stuck in a cycle of anxiety, or can't do something very small socially, or because they have other things to do? Like making food or watching a television show or doing research or playing a video game. These things are difficult for us neurodiverse folk.

Why? Why? Why did you have to compare me to something I am not? For one, I am NOT an evil person. Secondly, do you realize the maginture of your actions of comparing me to bad people?! It's YOUR problem you made EXTREMELY poor judgement of my character. You deserved to be shamed.

Yo sis (guess I'll talk to you),

I'm glad it's all worked out for you [again] (no, really, as you can't help where those genes came from, just as I can't); I like seeing the pictures of the kids. I have fond memories of looking after them with ma when they were little ones. To be fair, it always was going to work out for you there. Yeah, I'm gonna roll my eyes at the palliative care hand holding selfies there.

Christmas

Yeah,
D

Dear you.

I was always going to write to you but as time has gone on I have less and less to say to you.

From me

To yous,

Christmas

D

To you (which rhymes with you),

I can't say goodbye, and I've accepted that one (been thinking about it). You know how I am there. I'll speak to you if you ever want to speak to me, and if not, that's alright and I'll continue to think of you as usual (dreams of you are better than the nightmares, and thank you); I'd see you if you ever want to see me (even if too late, I've learnt to not hide from connections as I can't let past trauma pull me away from others; you can't let them keep you in a cage). I'm sorry for probably burning everything down with the last match. I hope you aren't in any pain. I'll stop bothering you now.

Christmas

Care wherever you are,
D

To you,

I've thought about this long and hard and if I saw you now I'd probably just ignore you.

So I hope I don't ever see you because I hate ignoring people.

From me.

Dear you,

Stick it up your bum hole

From me

Dear you,

Hi, I hope you're OK.

I went away for a while. Not sure how long I was gone mind you but time sort of flew by.

I was OK. I was with different people. I didn't really think about that you might be missing me or anything like that but I did think of you quite a lot but I just needed something new.

I didn't really miss you. I think I was lost a bit. The other people were a lot of fun. I mean I had a lot of fun with the other people although I think the word fun in this case is pretty subjective.

I didn't really expect to come back. I didn't really think I would be welcome. I didn't really want to come back but I didn't really not want to either.

I'm glad you're here

From me.

Dear you

I think you was a fantasist. I mean I don't believe that you actually meant any real harm by it. I think you just wanted to make friends. Maybe earn yourself a bit of popularity for once in your life. I can't really fault you for that.

I couldn't help hating you at the time though. You see you lied to me and because of that I couldn't trust you and I just had to ignore you forever after that.

I know it's all over now and I know everyone's gone their separate ways and it is for the best. I mean that kind of thing just can't go on forever.

No matter what happened I will always wish you well as I believe that somewhere deep down inside you there is good and I truly believe that one day you will look to the future with a wiser head head on your shoulders.

From me.

Sometimes I forget I hate you...
Ask me tomorrow and I still won't know

Dear You,

It was easy to see your hand behind the writing, as if you had signed your name each time.  I had no choice but to alert the authorities regarding your involvement, only to discover they were already on to you.  Such a sad case.

Sincerely,

Me