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Karma is a b***h...

I knew my day was coming but this... was not the way I thought this ship would sink...

Jesus not my mom, just... not... my... mom...

I can't breath everytime I think about it.

I am horrible person, no worse then what I was exposed to but that is not an excuse...

This is not the way I thought this ship would sink

Its just all f****d me in the head,

The abuse, the people I saw f*****g killed in homeless, f*****g child porn at 12, oh Jesus, its just f****d me completely.

I am horrible person, I am honest to my feelings contrary to what others may or may not believe but its f****d me.

Its completely f****d me,

I want out, I really do and I want to do it but I don't think I can without my mom

I want to have a life outside of this f*****g s**t,

I want to go to college and make a better life for myself...

I pray she understands,

Is it f****d?

Yes its f****d, its very f****d, but the fact that I want to be there for her is true and sincere, if no one believes anything I say then believe that.

I am f****d up person and I am f****d because my life has been f****d up, so f****d up that honestly I don't know how I can stay sober at all but losing the relationship with my mom is unreal

I have played with fire my whole life because fire is all I was given

I don't feel like doing anything.
Or, like anything.
Or, anything.

Hm.

Best... Rant... Ever...

discussing? not when there's nothing behind the facade, asking for the sake of asking makes no sense,


y'know the london underground bank from harry potter, and the other

questions?
don't ask me
google's easy

.. There are just times that I just want to run away. Not because I have a 'bad' or a 'hard' life. Probably because I don't. Probably because I hate it when people are worried.
Probably because I don't like it because 'oh, you're so lucky! you should be grateful'. Well, my 'fortune' is an unasked fulfillment. Why not grant it to someone else?

I hate it if people expects things from me. It's not like I ever asked them to be nice to me, and return the 'favor'.

Something is calling me. It's been calling me for years. This urge to leave everything and everyone I have known. This feeling that I want to cut any relations off despite the bond.

The bond, does not stop me. What stops me, is my conscience.


It's all in my stupid conscience.

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What's in your conscience?

This is not good. I need to get a grip. I need to eat and I need to sleep.

^He he, yes I will start with the sleeping.

I am feeling intense feelings of frustration, and have the strong desire to squeeze something until said thing is no longer in one piece.

My mind would like to explode into five thousand tiny pieces
...and then promptly sweep itself up and re-form because I am a neat freak.