Rants

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Most everything I have in the kitchen is from Goodwill actually so yeah, not a bad idea.

I am actually considering ordering a pizza, I have the funds actually but I just wanted to save as much as I can but I can order a pizza and still put away a few hundred and that is outside of the other funds so I don't know, I won't say how much I have but savings is about half a grand which doesn't seem like a lot to me but with the other, I could be okay. I am still thinking about it.

I feel very bad for a friend of mine,

Her life sucks, possibly more then mine, I don't know and that is saying a lot. She owes me money and just got paid today and she doesn't have it

She is on drugs, hardcore, one of those hundreds of dollars of day people who blow before they pay rent. I know I am separating myself from unhealthy people but this person has a good heart and it makes me sad. I don't believe she would hurt anyone intentionally and makes an effort to help others even if she really can't. If I even remotely address the issue, it completely doesn't exist.

I don't even want money from her and she has owed me several hundred in technical repairs actually but I am more concerned for her as a human being

Unreachable I suppose, I guess I'll burn that too when I burn everything else down, cross a bridge to a new life and then burn the bridge that is connected the two as well.

I can't help but constantly feel bad for myself. Apart from feeling different from everyone I meet, even here, I'm being pulled this way and that by my professors and parents and if I don't do what everyone says, I could get disowned, kicked out of school, or both. Why is it even worth it?

Well life just hit me again, feel like a pile of s**t, everything is s**t, I want to f*****g die again

And no everything is good, just memories

Life is unfair

Fate is so unkind
Now I should have known
Blind leading the blind
Reaping what I've sown
If it all amounts to nothing
Why, then, am I standing in this line?

Hell is still overburdened
I must stand and wait in line
I may never know for certain
When will be my time
How was I considered evil?
Pleasures taken in this life?
Someone granted me reprieval
Decades spent in strife

Led to nothing
Repeated in my mind
Led to nothing
If only I was born another time

Hell is still overburdened
I must stand and wait in line
Hell is still overburdened
How have I been so determined maligned?

There's the closing of the curtain
In the play that was my life
Countless chapter's left unopened, tragedies inside
I've was fighting for a reason
Holy blessed homicide
Seems I have committed treason
All I've sacrificed

Led to nothing
Repeated in my mind
Led to nothing
If only I was born another time

Hell is still overburdened
I must stand and wait in line
Hell is still overburdened
How have I been so determined maligned?
Hell is still overburdened
I must stand and wait in line
Hell is still overburdened
How have I been so determined maligned?

Fate is so unkind
Now I should have known
Blind leading the blind
Reaping what I've sown
If it all amounts to nothing
Why, then, am I standing in this line?

Hell is still overburdened
I must stand and wait in line
Hell is still overburdened
How have I been so determined maligned?
Hell is still overburdened
I must stand and wait in line
Hell is still overburdened
How have I been so determined maligned?

I think I might end this s**t again, I am going to sleep, if I don't feel better in the morning, then I want to die again

No f*****g hope, not a single piece of f*****g hope

I am lying to myself if I stay alive

I share some part of that feeling. For several months, every time I think I'm catching my balance, some new thing comes along to throw me off. Not just stuff in my head either; I wanted to be sure, so I got some external confirmation.

I might as well feel like I have a special place in the universe. If I can keep breathing, maybe sit in the shower and breathe for a while despite the drought, then I can usually find something to laugh about.

If the universe won't make sense, I don't have to make sense absolutely all the time, either. I will try to make choices to deny obvious facts only when that choice will make me happier and not somehow worse off.

I hate my landlord and his horrible wife! In a couple of weeks I will get the deep pleasure of handing in my resignation, something I have been fantasizing about for several years. I have only one month's notice, something he has been trying to get me to change to three months several times. So I will be out of here in only one month, and he has only one month to get a new tenant to this s**t hole. I however will be moving into my new totally renovated apartment. Omg

Yes, I'm a b***h

^Yes, I think so too

Besides we all have both good and bad sides.

^He he

I think it's a good thing to be conscious of your own bad sides. That way you have more control over your actions. You can choose to not act out all the bad impulses. It also takes strength to live with the burden of knowing that these "traits" is also a part of you.

Doing the "right thing" can be painful.

^Really, I thought that was why my back hurts...

Eminem is like a God of anger,

He makes so much sense when angry