Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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I think...

This whole time...

I love you all.

Enough to stay. Enough to live. Enough to change. Enough to try and cling even if so futile and silly.

More than enough to take charge and be responsible.
No matter the basis, I'm deep into it.

And much more than enough to be so willing...
You guys are the reason -- yet you all do not know.

You all do not know -- likely never knew, how dark I've been through.

You think I have the light, but that's because of you all.

I wish I could say how grateful I'm for all those years.

And you all never knew. Never truly knew that my worst years of my life...

.. Was the times that I had found you all.

You are all the reason why I would never regret those years.

Perhaps you are all the reason why I took that leap of faith.

...

I think I know now -- what I truly regret, what I truly missed...

I regret trying to cut it off, in favor of trying to live my life -- not knowing that you guys are the reason why I ever did.

I tried to be independent.
Tried to do it alone. Tried to have the idea of 'life' that is outside you all, away from you all.

My regret is to disconnect with you all.

I should've been with you all.
Longer, kept in touch, even if I couldn't play with you all...

I want to be back to you -- to your world, with you guys.

I thought I'd outgrow you.
I thought I'd forget you.

I thought you all will too, outgrow and forget me.
And it turns out that all along, that none of that is true.

I could care less now, if I were the fool for feeling so attached, for seemingly so dependent.

But that's just the point, wasn't?

Gained Number Post Count (1).
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Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

I get where you're coming from but seriously, that was really harsh and I don't know how much longer I can deal with these games. If you meant it for N then you should have spoken to her privately. It's hard for us all being on the receiving end with no options, but we keep trying. In contrast you have the power to take what you need and we respect that, but no one deserves to be gaslit or thrown head-first into an emotional tumble dryer. You should know how hard it is for us, because of your own experiences. You aren't the only one suffering here.

I've tried the best I can but it's starting to be gruelling. Please don't just use us or R and T as pawns when you have a bad day. We're all worth so much more than that, and you know it. No you don't owe us anything, but a second of gratitude or humility would go a long way.

Also, please don't forget you can hold some too. Last I checked, the river flowed both ways.

What’s going on? What did I do?

Dear you,

I think about the words you said. How I inspired you to be yourself. Yet I had never set out to do so, I was simply living my life unaware of the impact. I had always considered myself simply good enough, passable as a decent person. Yet you saw me and found me intimidating. It perplexes the mind. That someone could see me in such a light. Meek little me as an intimidating force.

Life is terribly cruel. It is a shame that I could not return your feelings even when I wanted to do so. My feelings were with another, one who could not return them. I knew you deserved that truth.

Sometimes I wonder if anyone will ever feel the way you did about me. It is a thought that pecks at me day and night, hacking away at my brain. I don't believe in deities, but if I did, I would think that they are toying with us for their own amusement.

I hope that one day someone feels the way you felt about me about you. I hope they fall madly for you and that you end up in a healthy loving relationship. Of course, that's not the end all be all of life. Still, I hope things work out.

Dear You,

I told you so.  I told you what would happen.  You did it anyway.  My prediction came true.  Now you blame me for your wrong-doing.  You say I should have tried harder to stop you.  You also say that my prediction somehow 'jinxed' your efforts.  It did not.  'Jinxes' are not real.

Grow up and get over yourself.

From,

Me

Dear Ex-You. And Ex-You.

If you didn't want to hurt me, then perhaps you shouldn't have hurt me.
It's not rocket science to grow a pair and have integrity.


Dear Now You.

Thank you for making it real.

Dear Rob E.,

Seriously dude go F yourself. That's more than I ever did.

Dear CDW,

I still have your letters. I wish I'd believed you before it was too late.
I can't really blame you at the start.
If you only knew.

Dear Paige and Ann,

Sod off. I wasn't drunk you stupid b*****s.

Dear Carolyn,

Sorry.
I'll never forget you even though you forgot me.

Dear Sandra,

?!?!?!?!? I don't even know where to start.
I think I've underestimated what a big impact you had.
Some good, some bad.
If you didn't exist I'd have had to invent you.
I think you cross my mind every single day.

Dead Dude -

FO

Dear Jen Debbie,

I miss you and the way air squirted out your eye.
Say hi to Parker and Gene.

Dear Michelle,

Keep breathing. We love you and we won't stop.





https://youtu.be/oFGpa19Ggus

Dear You,

No, I don't have my shawl or my lipstick.
I am not ready to go.
I never was.

Dear You,

Give it up already.
None of us need your delusions.