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Amber-Miasma
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31 May 2010, 5:57 pm

MathGirl wrote:
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Have you ever acted on, or made more than a token attempt at suicide preparation?
I've cut my wrists and hit myself very hard against the walls. I've also made two serious attempts throughout my lifetime. However, I haven't found myself in this situation for more than a year now.


What do you feel has made you do that to yourself?



MathGirl
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31 May 2010, 6:01 pm

Amber-Miasma wrote:
MathGirl wrote:
Amber-Miasma wrote:
Have you ever acted on, or made more than a token attempt at suicide preparation?
I've cut my wrists and hit myself very hard against the walls. I've also made two serious attempts throughout my lifetime. However, I haven't found myself in this situation for more than a year now.
What do you feel has made you do that to yourself?
I don't know. I think it's the lack of stimulation. I get that stimulation from social contact.


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Amber-Miasma
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31 May 2010, 6:03 pm

MathGirl wrote:
Amber-Miasma wrote:
MathGirl wrote:
Amber-Miasma wrote:
Have you ever acted on, or made more than a token attempt at suicide preparation?
I've cut my wrists and hit myself very hard against the walls. I've also made two serious attempts throughout my lifetime. However, I haven't found myself in this situation for more than a year now.
What do you feel has made you do that to yourself?
I don't know. I think it's the lack of stimulation.


I see. So, in terms of AS, do you feel that other people is your "special interest" ?



MathGirl
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31 May 2010, 6:07 pm

Amber-Miasma wrote:
MathGirl wrote:
Amber-Miasma wrote:
MathGirl wrote:
Amber-Miasma wrote:
Have you ever acted on, or made more than a token attempt at suicide preparation?
I've cut my wrists and hit myself very hard against the walls. I've also made two serious attempts throughout my lifetime. However, I haven't found myself in this situation for more than a year now.
What do you feel has made you do that to yourself?
I don't know. I think it's the lack of stimulation.
I see. So, in terms of AS, do you feel that other people is your "special interest" ?
Well, self-advocacy and disability rights is my main special interest. So, it does involve people. I guess societal stability and order is also my fixation. I always focus on organization and efficiency.


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Amber-Miasma
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31 May 2010, 6:11 pm

MathGirl wrote:
Amber-Miasma wrote:
MathGirl wrote:
Amber-Miasma wrote:
MathGirl wrote:
Amber-Miasma wrote:
Have you ever acted on, or made more than a token attempt at suicide preparation?
I've cut my wrists and hit myself very hard against the walls. I've also made two serious attempts throughout my lifetime. However, I haven't found myself in this situation for more than a year now.
What do you feel has made you do that to yourself?
I don't know. I think it's the lack of stimulation.
I see. So, in terms of AS, do you feel that other people is your "special interest" ?
Well, self-advocacy and disability rights is my main special interest. So, it does involve people. I guess societal stability and order is also my fixation. I always focus on organization and efficiency.


So why not concentrate on studying these subjects to alleviate your boredom?



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31 May 2010, 6:15 pm

Amber-Miasma wrote:
So why not concentrate on studying these subjects to alleviate your boredom?
I study them for a period of time. But then I start feeling inactive. I feel as though I need to do something more interactive that relates to my interest. To be honest, after long periods of concentration, I feel slightly stoned.

But yeah, that's what I do. And that's not what makes me depressed now. I don't feel as depressed as I used to. But for the past few days, I can't stop obsessing over the oil leak. Maybe it's becoming a special interest of mine? Who knows. But it's a very depressing interest. I've felt gloomy for the whole day today, and even though I spent most of my day yesterday enjoying myself in the moment and laughing really hard, I came home extremely depressed. I was depressed on Saturday as well. I couldn't stop researching the leak and checking the damn live video.


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Amber-Miasma
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31 May 2010, 6:19 pm

MathGirl wrote:
Amber-Miasma wrote:
So why not concentrate on studying these subjects to alleviate your boredom?
I study them for a period of time. But then I start feeling inactive. I feel as though I need to do something more interactive that relates to my interest. To be honest, after long periods of concentration, I feel slightly stoned.

But yeah, that's what I do. And that's not what makes me depressed now. I don't feel as depressed as I used to. But for the past few days, I can't stop obsessing over the oil leak. Maybe it's becoming a special interest of mine? Who knows.


Anything that keeps your mind off suicide, feeling like that too much can change your viewpoint for the worst. Is the leak making you depressed?



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31 May 2010, 6:23 pm

I think so. And that depression brings with itself bad memories. Happiness usually blocks out these memories, but whenever my mood fluctuates, they surface again.


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Amber-Miasma
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31 May 2010, 6:27 pm

MathGirl wrote:
I think so. And that depression brings with itself bad memories. Happiness usually blocks out these memories, but whenever my mood fluctuates, they surface again.


I understand you cannot help but feel miserable about the leak but know that feeling down about it wont plug it up. Just have faith that it'll be sorted. I'm kind of where you are as far as mood fluctuation goes and I don't see any major negative changes in myself so I suppose you're at a healthy middle way. But I'm far from being an expert on this.



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31 May 2010, 6:58 pm

Amber-Miasma wrote:
I understand you cannot help but feel miserable about the leak but know that feeling down about it wont plug it up. Just have faith that it'll be sorted. I'm kind of where you are as far as mood fluctuation goes and I don't see any major negative changes in myself so I suppose you're at a healthy middle way. But I'm far from being an expert on this.
I sure do hope that the leak gets resolved. I just have this persistent fear that it's not going to work out, and is only going to get worse. BP has made 8 attempts to seal the leak, and none have worked so far. That really perturbs me.

I've always felt really connected to nature and the environment. That's why it's bothering me so much. I don't think anyone else has ever been as obsessed with pollution as I was, especially in grades 4 to 7. I've read and reread books about how humans are devastating the environment. It made me scared and depressed. But I feel it so strongly. I'm constantly connected. I can't isolate myself from the outside, because I still have to go out for school. So the reminders are always there. Now, I think about cars. I think about the oil they consume. I think about how oil is in plastic. I'm not buying anything plastic anymore, just because of this. And consumerism is making me sick.


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Amber-Miasma
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31 May 2010, 7:11 pm

MathGirl wrote:
Amber-Miasma wrote:
I understand you cannot help but feel miserable about the leak but know that feeling down about it wont plug it up. Just have faith that it'll be sorted. I'm kind of where you are as far as mood fluctuation goes and I don't see any major negative changes in myself so I suppose you're at a healthy middle way. But I'm far from being an expert on this.
I sure do hope that the leak gets resolved. I just have this persistent fear that it's not going to work out, and is only going to get worse. BP has made 8 attempts to seal the leak, and none have worked so far. That really perturbs me.

I've always felt really connected to nature and the environment. That's why it's bothering me so much. I don't think anyone else has ever been as obsessed with pollution as I was, especially in grades 4 to 7. I've read and reread books about how humans are devastating the environment. It made me scared and depressed. But I feel it so strongly. I'm constantly connected. I can't isolate myself from the outside, because I still have to go out for school. So the reminders are always there. Now, I think about cars. I think about the oil they consume. I think about how oil is in plastic. I'm not buying anything plastic anymore, just because of this. And consumerism is making me sick.


Just do what you can not to encourage the problems and you're doing as much as anyone could ask of you. Like I said before, feeling depressed and down about it isn't going to heal our environment, end globalization or enlighten anyone to the planet's plight. You can be as active as you want in whatever issues you want but remember that you must put your own physical and mental health first and foremost, you're not letting anyone down by taking care of yourself. So many forget about this and there are too many would be martyrs out there. Martyrdom doesn't solve a thing, it's just a waste of a perfectly good life.



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31 May 2010, 7:47 pm

Amber-Miasma wrote:
Just do what you can not to encourage the problems and you're doing as much as anyone could ask of you. Like I said before, feeling depressed and down about it isn't going to heal our environment, end globalization or enlighten anyone to the planet's plight. You can be as active as you want in whatever issues you want but remember that you must put your own physical and mental health first and foremost, you're not letting anyone down by taking care of yourself. So many forget about this and there are too many would be martyrs out there. Martyrdom doesn't solve a thing, it's just a waste of a perfectly good life.
I try to stop myself from obsessing over the oil thing. I know it's irrational, and there's nothing I can do about it, but I keep anticipating a practical resolution so that oil can be stopped from leaking until August when they dig the wells that will be the permanent solution.

Thanks for your help and support. May I ask you, are you really 16? You seem a bit too insightful for a 16 year old.


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Eldanesh
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31 May 2010, 10:29 pm

Perhaps you need to reconsider you interests in meeting the needs/being with other people.

Oddly enough, before I was diagnosed, I would have told anyone I was super/ fine/ whatever with life.
Then suddenly I was challenged if I knew what joy, love, friendship even meant. Apparently I failed, and ever since I have found so much more of my thought devoted to trying to figure stuff out that I might never figure out anyway. It hurt my focus. Maybe we're all trying to be something we're not, or ( I hope) just trying too hard.



Amber-Miasma
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01 Jun 2010, 6:28 am

MathGirl wrote:
Amber-Miasma wrote:
Just do what you can not to encourage the problems and you're doing as much as anyone could ask of you. Like I said before, feeling depressed and down about it isn't going to heal our environment, end globalization or enlighten anyone to the planet's plight. You can be as active as you want in whatever issues you want but remember that you must put your own physical and mental health first and foremost, you're not letting anyone down by taking care of yourself. So many forget about this and there are too many would be martyrs out there. Martyrdom doesn't solve a thing, it's just a waste of a perfectly good life.
I try to stop myself from obsessing over the oil thing. I know it's irrational, and there's nothing I can do about it, but I keep anticipating a practical resolution so that oil can be stopped from leaking until August when they dig the wells that will be the permanent solution.

Thanks for your help and support. May I ask you, are you really 16? You seem a bit too insightful for a 16 year old.


August isn't so far away, and the clean up operation will be a PR goldmine for whoever funds it so I wouldn't worry to much about that.

Haha :lol: how many times have I heard that? Yes, I am 16, but I was brought up to challenge the world around me. I suppose you could call that my "special interest".



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07 Jun 2010, 1:01 pm

I'm not diagonsed as being an aspie, I am extrem bi-polar with major anxoity problems (I can't spell for crap either). Lately I have found myself extremely depressed, and all the meds that I'm on are not helping. My dr. has prescribed a new med for me, an anti-depressant. The co-pay for said med is too high so I have yet to take it. This only adds to my depression and anxoity. I find that the only thing that helps is to live moment by moment, with no real thoughts to the past nor to the furture. To live in the moment is easier said than done but if you can it may help.



Amber-Miasma
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10 Jun 2010, 9:00 am

winter wrote:
I'm not diagonsed as being an aspie, I am extrem bi-polar with major anxoity problems (I can't spell for crap either). Lately I have found myself extremely depressed, and all the meds that I'm on are not helping. My dr. has prescribed a new med for me, an anti-depressant. The co-pay for said med is too high so I have yet to take it. This only adds to my depression and anxoity. I find that the only thing that helps is to live moment by moment, with no real thoughts to the past nor to the furture. To live in the moment is easier said than done but if you can it may help.


That sounds awful :(


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