Into the depths of insanity.

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Oh s**t, I thought you were a dude lol! Sorry I fail.

As far as feeling insane goes, I still think there's a major qualitative difference between the symptoms you're experiencing and the kind of thing that would tip a doctor/psychologist/psychiatrist into thinking you were a danger to yourself to the point where they would restrict your freedom. You call yourself paranoid but to me it seems more like you're just exaggerating a lot of potential things that are real fears. Fears of being abandoned by your family and friends or being forsaken are very natural human fears. What would be unnatural would be fears that there are malicious people out to get you / punish you, or fears that someone might be able to listen in on your private thoughts. Those would be red flags. I mean, you may already know all of this but I'm just trying to help reassure you that it's safe to talk about the kinds of things you're experiencing without worrying about people in white coats locking you away or forcing you to take anti-psychotic medications. Maybe that isn't what you fear and I'm being ridiculous to assume so, but I'm just trying to reassure you that talking with a professional psychologist isn't dangerous. Especially not if you are informed.

It's all good.

I don't feel I am exagerrating anything, I mean it could be that I am so depressed things seem a bit worse then they are.....but the feelings are certainly real and it does actually freak me out. I have always tended to internalize things so yeah I don't like to cry in front of people, I don't like to admit to people when I am afraid ect.........so if anything I tend to under-exaggerate as in trying to make it sound like its better than it is.

Also I do sometimes think my family and friends are being malicious behind my back.....I mean I know as a rule they aren't which is why it always depresses me when i feel like that because then I start acting kinda cold and weird around them and it causes tension, it could be worse I suppose but it is to the extent it does interfere with my relationships sometimes. But yeh I am just worried if they know how depressed I am they will think I'm a danger to myself.

well i was in an adolescent unit for most of my school life, and there were some psychotic kids that stayed for a few weeks, but they usually were moved to more intensive care.

my doctor liked me and we talked often, and i was fascinated with psychosis, so i asked her many questions and she said what she said.

there are many types of psychosis, but the inherent underpinning common factor is "delusion".

a delusion is a belief that is firmly held despite the fact that nothing in reality confirms it, and no matter how absurd it is, it is seen as absolutely true.

there can be delusions of grandeur (which are not dangerous delusions), and there can be paranoid delusions (which are dangerous). they are polar opposites.

delusions of grandeur occur more frequently in bipolar people. they sometimes think they are capable of solving the worlds problems with their ideas, and they spray foam out of their rabid mouths as they rant absurdities with the full belief that they are almost messiah's.

the next day they maybe holding their head in a diametrically incidental way, and they may be lamenting the fact that they are alive. paralyzing depression often follows a bout of psychotic euphoria, and that is a severe enough cycle of mood to call "psychotic".

schizophrenia is characterized by paranoid delusions and dissociation. paranoid schizophrenics often dissociate with themselves, so they feel that they are a different being than the one that is controlling their body.

they feel that they are a mere witness to the behavior that the body they should own exhibits.

they become immersed in a world of "magical thinking" , and they start to have auditory hallucinations that tell them what to do, but instead of those voices suggesting valid game plans, they suggest seriously inadequate ideas that the schizophrenic is compelled to obey.

i do not need a reply.

I didn't mean that you're exaggerating the things you're feeling... just maybe your fears of people thinking less of you or deciding to abandon you if you tell them what's really going on are exaggerated. Its more likely people in your life will be upset if you don't tell them what's really going on. Their reaction isn't going to be good if they find out you're dropping out of your classes but have no clue how severely depressed and overwhelmed you are.


I think that's a problem in the long run. If you don't let people know how bad a state you are in they may be clueless and unsympathetic. If you are super quiet some people might think you're just avoiding them. They might even think you're angry at them. People are terrible at mind reading. If you are on the autism spectrum it's even more likely people are misreading you all the time. Sometimes if you're feeling incredibly awful the only way to truly break through to people is to allow yourself break down and cry.


I'd avoid talking about suicide, but other than that you have to communicate how you're really feeling at some point.

Well yeah my fears about people thinking less of me or abandoning me are probably a bit exageratted but knowing that hardly convinces me that they think less of me or will abandon me when I feel that way. hence the reason its concerning, chances are people I know would not do that, don't think less of me and certainly are not being malicious behind my back but that does not decrease the feelings any

Also my dad, my brother, two of my friends and my aunt do know I am planning to try and finish up this semester and then drop out, I might decide to go back at a later time but I just can't focus on it right now and don't feel its taking me in the direction I would like......yeah it is a lot of stress and psychological symptoms getting in the way but also I have found I care more about what is currently going on in the world and well if I'm not going to class I have more time for that. But yeah they are all ok with it.......just not so sure about my mom and possibly grandparents and I don't know how to approach any of them about it anyways.

well I wish I felt I could cry in front of people more comfortably.......but I am just so used to being humiliated for showing my negative emotions.

It is usually good to avoid telling mental health professionals you are suicidal....at least in my opinion.

But why? My first impression was simply of a poor injured member of the hamster colony who kept getting attacked. You do not appear to be the sociopath, as the fact that you desire comfort by others demonstrates. To extend the analogy, something must be done or the problems will only escalate



Why be scared by the avatar? Although it has eyes (eye contact issues), the overall appearance is one of the injured members of a group. It portrays the result of something that remains unidentified. As for what was said, the text is more coherent than that of the average internet user. Capitalization and punctuation are even used correctly with minor errors anyone would make.

If I had any training in psychotherapy (not that a license is needed for a practice), I would probably commence a....

Yes! I will attempt to do just that!

We shall consult the DSM-IV, because plenty of research went into its creation whether you believe me or not. There are six categories for conditions. If I made a mistake, then it is critical that the mistake is corrected early.

I. Differential Diagnosis of Mental Dis orders Due to a General Medical Condition - too general, so it is possible
II. Differential Diagnosis of Substance-Induced Disorders - apparently, you used to engage in substance abuse. We will overlook this for now.
III. Differential Diagnosis of Psychotic Disorders - we have established that you are not a likely psychotic
IV. Differential Diagnosis of Mood Disorders - this sounds rather close, but it may be wrong
V. Differential Diagnosis of Anxiety Disorders - this sounds a bit less correct than mood disorder, although it is still plausible
VI. Differential Diagnosis of Somatoform Disorders - this is rather unlikely at the moment

I am not selling the text of the DSM-IV. I do not bother citing properly because I am already concentrating on maintaining that optimal oxytocin level. Would you rather see a cynic attempting to diagnose someone?

(Keep in mind that I have no psychotherapy license. No one here does because the license does not exist. Anyone can call itself a psychotherapist. If a senior of the age of 16 reading the DSM-IV scares you, send a PM so I can correct the situation.)
Disturbance of consciousness and a change in cognition?
* If yes, evidence that the disturbance has more than one etiology (e.g., substance and general medical conditions)?
* If no, memory impairment?

Excessive consciousness could be a disturbance, so we ask if there is more than one etiology (cause). Regardless of the number of causes, this is diagnosed as delirium. Therefore, the other option was probably correct.

You do not exhibit symptoms of memory impairment, so we proceed to the next step.

Do prominent delusions or hallucinations predominate?
While we may want to say that they do, the main symptoms do not appear to be psychotic, and Sweetleaf understands that there is a condition, so this is unlikely.

Do prominent and persistent mood disturbances predominate?
I think this is probably a yes, because of the depression. Therefore, we move to the Mood Disorders.

The first condition for mood disorders is listed as, "Depressed, elevated, expansive, or irritable mood."
This seems to fit.

Due to the direct physiological effects of a general medical condition?
We established in the previous post that the disorder was likely to be mood-related.

Due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (i.e., a drug of abuse, a medication, or a toxin)?
No, it was a case of used to do so. This means that the influence would not be direct.

Elevated, expansive, or irritable mood, at least 1-week duration; marked impairment or hospitalization.
Just from skimming the text, the mood was NOT elevated. However, if there are intervals of this, please mention them along with duration and regularity.

At least 2 weeks of depressed mood or loss of interest plus associated symptoms, and not better accounted for by Bereavement.
It seems that the cold feelings described would not be caused by bereavement. A Major Depressive Episode seems to fit well.

Psychotic symptoms occur at times other than during Major Depressive Episodes.
It seems like there is a link between the episodes and the psychotic symptoms, but both possibilities should be explored.
* No: Major Depressive Disorder
* Yes: Occurred exclusively during Schizoaffective Disorder: No, no protracted delusions or hallucinations.

On the other hand, if the Major Depressive Episodes were not present, then the following would be used:

Depressed mood, more days than not, for at least 2 years with associated symptoms.
Now this is where I need help. Is this the case or is it not the case?

You forgot personality disorders......and my 'substance' abuse is rather strange, other than ciggerettes and caffine I don't seem to be addicted to anything. So like if I am abusing alcohol for instance it's not because I can't stop drinking it's because I am being self destructive as a wierd depressive stim thingy I have. I don't think that is something they usually deal with when it comes to anything substance related.

Pretty sure I have depression, and two anxiety disorders..........generalized anxiety and PTSD.

As for somatoform disorders that would be a possibility except I think its possible the depression and anxiety is responsible for the physical pains I cannot attribute to exerting myself or anything physical I did. So I know what causes the cramps, back pain, stiffness ect.....since I have anxiety I am always tense and since I've had it so long its caused me to get musle cramps, back pain and stuff like that.

I agree this is concerning. If this is a barrier to having trusting relationships with people then it's harming you. I think talking with a professional psychologist could help you, but the thing is you have to speak up and tell them everything. I think you need someone to talk to uninhibited IRL more than anything and a trained psychologist should be able to do that.


I think people tend to react differently if you break down and cry as opposed to complaining and saying negative things. It's kind of sad but unfortunately we live in a physical universe where people can't read what's going on inside of us. Unfortunately there are people who react antagonistically towards negativity. My father can be this way. But I'm guessing the problem for you is your mom, am I right?


I think if you really are feeling suicidal but don't really want to follow through it's okay to share. It isn't helpful to bring up suicide as an expression of frustration though as that can be misinterpreted as a threat and will make professionals uneasy.

Well yes if I ever do manage to talk to a psychiatirst......I probably would but uhh I am 22 I should not be so paranoid about what my family may or may not think it's such a major issue with my mom I don't even feel like I can tell her anything. Like depending on who I'm hanging out with I sometimes even lie about that......at the same time though the way she is that's sometimes the better option becuase of how nosy she is.......I mean I know she has reason to express concern about me and stuff like a mom would but I just can't get past the way she goes about it. It drives me freaking insane.......I can't deal with her stress of obsessing over where I might be if I haven't called her, what she would think if she actually knew more then I tell her on top of my own stress of deciding what I want to do and what the consequences of what I decide to do will be. I have to make choices based on my experiances, what I want and what I don't want not based on how she might react. That is mostly what I am doing but I wish I could just tell her and get it all on the plate and go from there......I mean if she has a problem with it and kicks me out I have places I can go it would suck because then I would officially be homeless.

I mean she's not going to freak out and call the cops or mental health services on me over anything, she just might not like it and be angry and not want me staying at her house anymore......well at least that's what I like to think but then when I really start thinking about talking to her about it I start wondering if I really can trust her I mean what if she did do that? then I would be screwed......moreso than I am now...and so I just continue being as vauge as possible about things so she can't ask too many questions.

No, if you see a psychologist don't literally tell him everything, cause knowing what you go through they would put you on a med with deadly side effects. I know it sounds like I'm obsessing about dangerous meds but I almost lost my life recently myself so... Please just be careful .

Sorry. I feel bad because it sounds like your relationship with your mom is pretty f***ed up and dysfunctional. That's why I think it might be better to work out ways to deal with her through a psychologist. That way you can keep things confidential.

It sounds like you have a pretty clear chemical based depression, but there is so much anxiety on top of that due to your current life situation. If you can eventually get SSI and find a decent place to live away from your mom I think you'll start feeling a lot better.

Well I am welcome other places so I don't spend a lot of time at my moms house.