My Facade is Slipping...

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OMG OMG OMG OMG

I have a job interview on Tuesday. I haven't had a job interview in 12 years! I think I'm going to melt. I hate, hate, hate my job and I really want to get another one, but I just can't blow this interview. Tuesday is just a phone interview so I can probably do that okay as long as I remember to wait for the pauses... but at some point, I'm going to have to do a face to face...

And then there is all the learning of a new job. Deep breath... I can do this.

Moving on!! !! !


Stay strong, you can do it!

Budfarmer,
Good for you, best wishes to you on this endeavor.

Cheers

Go with confidence! I'm cheering you on!

Well darn. That was depressing. I did a good job with the interview and everything went of perfectly. We even got so far as discussing salary and that's where it all fell apart. Unfortunately, I make too much money already to work there. Their best offer was $6 an hour less than I'm already making. Bad as I want to leave this job, that's just too big a cut for me.

Now I'm sad...

but you passed the actual interview so you can do it again!

Yes, congratulations! Sorry it didn't work out, but hopefully it was a nice confidence boost.

Thank you all for your support. It was really nice to see all the positive comments here. And yes, even though I didn't end up with the job, I felt really good about my ability to handle that interview. I realize that each one will be unique, but it did feel good to get this one behind me. And they actually wanted me so I must have been "acceptable".

Having been in the same company for 12 years, its a little daunting to venture out into the wide world again. As much as I hate my job, there is a level of comfort in the familiarity. I will have to overcome that if I intend to leave.

OP, I'm sorry to come so late to this conversation. I tend to drift in and out of WP, and am drifting back after a fairly long time away.

I had a very similar experience after discovering how well the criteria for a woman with AS fit my experiences, although I have been told by two different therapists that, while I have some features that suggest AS I am too high-functioning to be diagnosed. One of these guys, though, spent maybe four hours with me, so I'm not sure how much credence to give his opinion. The woman who referred me to him had more experience with AS women and commented that AS was going to look different in a 40+ year old than in an 18 year old, but the assessment he gave me seemed to be more geared toward kids than adults. The other one said I was a Highly Sensitive Person, which after reading the books on the subject, seems to be high-functioning autism for people who don't want to be told that they're autistic.

I know what you mean about opening the facade and having it crumble, though. I had this experience, too. I tend to either create personas or mimic other people's personalities back to them, which is great for getting along in quick conversations but lousy for creating deeper friendships. This is generally fine, since I don't tend to get lonely and have a bad habit of forgetting about people when they are not around (yes, including family and close friends.) I also don't like the level of togetherness that seems generally required of even casual friends these days. When I began to consciously stop myself from using personas or mimicking, though, I found that I lost a lot of my ability to relate to people and to communicate effectively. I also started stimming more and became generally more anxious. Now, I"m back to mimicking and creating personas in some situations -- it's the only way to get through a day on a sales floor, and I can enjoy teaching if I am using my teacher persona -- but I'm more in control of it. and I don't rely upon personas when dealing with family and friends any more.

Someone else mentioned the challenges in raising an NT child, too. My daughter is very much NT, a very normal young woman. I knew that I was different from other girls while I was growing up, but being fairly isolated outside of school, it wasn't too much of an issue for me. I figured that I was just myself and I was pretty much okay with that, even if I didn't have a lot of friends or any interest in what other girls were doing. My parents always told me I would understand the cliches about teen-aged girls one day, but I never did - until my daughter was a teenager. She was bubbly, bouncy, deeply concerned by other people's opinions of her and absolutely glued to the telephone. I didn't get it, but I did get one thing -- she was normal, and I hadn't been. She still worries about my lack of social life, but I've tried to communicate that I have all the social life I need right now. She does understand a bit -- she's the one who bought me a copy of Born on a Blue Day and insisted that I read it because I'd like the author.

One funny story about her as a younger child: when I was a girl I remember my mother taking me to a large shopping center and pointing out how everyone was walking on the right side of the hallways and taking the right-hand side of the stairs, and actively teaching me that that was the correct way to move through a store or hallway. When my daughter was about six, I tried to do the same for her -- if I had needed that instruction, obviously so would she. She stared at me like I'd lost my mind. Apparently, she'd figured that bit out on her own without coaching.

pschristmas - My boyfriend brought up to me that he found it unnerving that I put on so many different personas reflecting back on the people that I interact with. This was before I figured out why I was such a weirdo

I'm so happy your interview went well. That gives me hope. I'm severely burnt-out at my job of 15 years but I don't interview well at all. Your story sounds a lot like mine.

VICTORY!

Okay, today I had a small victory. I have been in the same job for 12 years. For 10 of those years, I worked for a boss who didn't care where I sat or how I got the job done, as long as all my deadlines were met and everything was covered. It worked well for me because it allowed me to withdraw when the office got too noisy.

Then, 2 years ago I got a new boss and I'm been struggling ever since because he wants me in a cubicle where he knows where I am all the time. My cubicle was in a very noisy location and it has been detrimental to my work performance AND my health.

I finally broke down and had to reveal my AS and ask for help. And that still didn't make an impact. So I wrote a nice letter to HR, complete with a note from my doctor saying that I needed a workspace with minimal distractions.

Today, I am in my new cubicle, WITH A WINDOW, off in a quiet corner. I feel SO much better today!

Lovely! I consider that a big victory!