Rants

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I do not understand people at all. And I always seen to come to like the ones who are the least understandable to me, life is very strange, individual differences are difficult to fathom, what should and should not be said are hard to fathom, but keeping things inside is like an immense pressure cooker about to explode in a torrent of unfriendly gas(and no, I do not mean THAT kind of gas).

Sometimes, I just wish I were of the type who could be content with books, games, movies, drawing...and without any people. Life would be so much simpler then, and less painful and confusing.

Sometimes I wish I was a Super Saiyan so I could get back at everyone and then take over the world.

I'm upset cos I want to tell my man everything that bothers me but I can't............

I hate being myself. I'm disgusting. I can't believe I turned out like this. My body is horrible, my face is grotesque, and my personality is awful.

I CURSE every second I am alive. I find every f'ing second I am alive a burden, with this awareness that anytime I make any friends, I will always suffer because I can never be more to them than just this...this stupid, ugly, old b***h typing a load of rubbish every day. That is all that will ever be left of me, these stupid posts. I hate it when people do things that hurt me, and I hate them for hurting me and I hate myself for not being able to have closeness anymore as closeness means that I rely too much on someone who cannot be relied on because they only give a s**t about their real life friends...and I don't matter. I am just a time passer for people on the net, nothing more. I really envy those who have succeeded in taking their lives and pray for my own courage as I don't want to be here more, I really do not. I have had enough. All I have to show for my life is a trail of posts across cyberspace, always forgotten once I am gone.

Today hilighted all that is crap in my life...

I work for a radio station, and had to go on a weekend job to cover an event. I got lost and went to the wrong place (this isn't an Aspie thing, it's a me-being-too-stupid-to-exist thing.) So I was an hour late. Then the organiser was so completely NOT helpful... she basically said hello and then told me to sod off... so I'm wandering around this naff little festival on my own trying to figure out who to interview with absolutely no help at all. Some event co-ordinators need a smack upside the head. I do a few agonising one-minute-long interviews to get the absolute bare minumum of audio required, coz the end result of this painful exercise has already been allocated a timeslot, so going back emptyhanded would mean letting others down at work.

I go home. Try to play the guitar. I know in my head exactly what I'm trying to play, but my stupid thick talentless fingers won't co-operate and I walk away so I don't give in to the urge to chuck the instrument across the room in a rage.

I wish there was a video game store here, then perhaps I can get a job!! !!

There's a game traders in mount barker, dunno how far that is from murray bridge.

I HATE BEING ALONE ALL THE TIME! I HATE PEOPLE WHO SAY ONE THING THEN DO ANOTHER!

I hate the way NTs are supposedly "scared" of us! "AARRRGGGG!! !! HELP!! !! It's someone with a neurological disorder that I might actually understand if I could be bothered pulling my head out of my arse and looking up autism for 5 f*****g minutes! S/he obviously can't defend him/herself very well and has no-one to stick up for him/her so I'm going to defend myself against him/her along with all 50 of my dipshit friends!" Scared! HA!! If they think they're scared of US, they wouldn't last 5 seconds with an autism spectrum disorder, let alone every f*****g day of their lives!

What is it with people who change the date of something major like an exam to be moved ahead of schedule, and not send us any sort of email or updated schedule? We were given a copy of what was supposedly the "most up to date" syllibus, only to be blased in class for an exam I wasn't prepared for because I had though it was on the date indicated on the piec of paper that was given to me. This stupid oral communication that I am gauranteed to forget almost before it is produced taking precidence over something that's on paper where its relatively safe from the irreliability of my human brain has got to stop! PAPER, the thing on PAPER should be what's important!! !

Good god I know what you mean ahayes!