Extermely depressed, +8 month isolation taking toll

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There is only so many people I can see people shot, stabbed, shooting up and raped homeless before things will wear down on you. I would like to see someone say no to hard drugs then, I mean when people offer it to you daily.

Such memories make me lose faith in the world, it amazes me how bad the world can get before it implodes.

you have every right to be angry, but try not to let that poison your life and relationships. telling people to go to h solves no problems. asking (even demanding) to be left alone can be done without the abusive flair.

i totally agree that psychiatrists tend to overdiagnose. it has happened in my family. do you seem to get any benefit from the psych meds?

very sorry you experienced so much trauma. does your therapist support you learning to deal with past turbulence?

i envy your cleaning and organizing of your apartment. give yourself a pat on the back. i tend to have semi-organized piles here and there.

More music for me and no one else cause its one of those days, sorry about the music all over the forums but if it helps.

Okay I'll go build something and stop spamming the forums, sorry but one more before I go play with my USB to serial adapter I built.

I like Linkin Park and Three Doors Down also. Lots of good songs on the albums, not just the hits. Do you also like Linkin Park's little instrumental interludes?

I have all of Linkin Parks and 3 Doors Downs CDs legally. I know all their songs and I didn't mean to only post hits, I was just posting what I like. I never knew loser was a single. I have a lot of music cds but I have many more pirated cds. I stop pirating stuff years ago and have been squeaky clean for years but hell will freeze before I delete what I have and I make backups.

I like all Linkin Park except Minutes to Midnight and some of the songs on there aren't bad, its underrated as far as reviews but its worse then their usual stuff.

Here something that is a bit less popular and mainstream,

That's cool, so you like singer-songwriters too?

LOL I am stoned as hell off 80 milligrams of THC and its going to last 24 hours...

Science is fun

I kinda fell back into this hard but evidently I am still a mess sober. This last rejection from church has hurt me pretty bad and I've talked about it long time ago so maybe someone will recognize what I am talking about. Still I went 90 days without talking to anyone and became suicidal until I got high during one of the super bowl games and have been that way up until last week. Then I went a week sober and fell right back into that suicidalness from before I got back into it. This sucks, looks like I am broke sober and am actually still very broken high but it gives me an attitude of not really giving a f**k. Will to live is gone and when I sober the will to just cease to exist hard to ignore.

The only reason I see to live is for my mom and the extreme off chance that Christianity is true. I basically live in video games waiting to die. I don't want to try any more, if I can't commit suicide, then give me a hole with Doom and weed and I'll just commit suicide the long way.

i think you have friends on wrong planet. kraftie seems to think a lot of you. i am hoping you and i are beginning to relate. in time, there will be others.


winston churchill spoke to an orphanage for boys. all he did was to say over and over, "don't give up."


take a break. gather your strength. try something new.

something my first shrink told me that has always stuck with me and served me well is, "life is about giving yourself the best possible chance over and over. sooner or later, something will go right.

in the mid-90's, i lost my profession due to AS. i applied for dozens of jobs, mostly ones that would use my undergraduate degree, rarely getting even a rejection letter. i continued to do volunteer work (a few hours per week) to have something on my resume. finally, in 2008, i got a job as a social worker (not a counselor, just a helper). i met my husband there. married for the first time at 52 in 2009. it's been seven great years. not only did i have autism working against me in finding a good mate, but my father was an alcoholic, so i tended to be comfortable with the wrong kind of guy. in the 80's, i was engaged to a guy who though nothing of hitting me and who likely was after any money i might make in my profession. lucky to get out of that alive. now i'm studying for a better job.

life can suck, but if you don't give up, good things can happen, too. i think, generally, for most people, life is bittersweet.

if pot is what you need to get by right now, so be it. i'm glad you also have your mom in your corner. does she live nearby?

We're sorry to hear that.



Sweet Pea hugs

My mom and dad are about 50 to 70 miles away, ten or so towns over. They are in the middle of nowhere outside of the semi large city I live in. Also the aspect of Christianity that keeps me going is the aspect of everything being made right but I am skeptical truth be told, I follow it out of a I have nothing to lose kind of view. Life sucks for me and I don't see it getting better, I'll never amount to anything and will always be a piece a s**t low life gaming in some corner somewhere. I have failed at everything I have tried to do and its largely due to social skills. I am not an idiot but I have the emotions of a child and I can't communicate anything and when I do its best had I not. I see my mom once every two weeks and call her during the week but not on the weekends cause my dads off work and it becomes hepatic where she lives (They have another kid to take care of / I have a sister).

There has been days when the only reason to carry on has been to not disappoint them but I think I probably do anyway since they haven't seen me sober in damn near a year. Luckily they are libertarian and really don't seem to care what my state of mind is so long as I can function. I have gotten the evil eye when something draws attention to my state of mind but they largely don't care. Before there is cause for concern here, I am actually largely unaffected by weed. I have used it for eight years more or less so my tolerance is through the roof and will probably never come down.

Also I think I have ran more people away then have people that like me, I still haven't made up my mind to stay here. I am still on the edge of just isolating completely. I am thinking about just taking all my money and resources and running away. I have a low income but I have enough resources that I could probably get a log cabin or tent in the woods somewhere. Problem is I can get either the land or the house, affording both is a bit out of my reach.

I am thinking its the end of the world anyway to be honest so I should heed God's warning and flee to the mountains, thats pretty much what I want to do. Society can only get so bad before God intervenes.