I don't know whats wrong with me

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I don't want to be alive anymore, but I have to be for my family. I wish I could just not ever wake up again

I'm just not good enough for anyone and I never will be. No one has ever wanted me and no one ever will and I don't want that life. I don't want to be alone. Why did my life turn out like this? What is so wrongwith me?

I dunno if you can relate to this or similar...

but for me, what is wrong with me is that: nothing was right about me since my day 1 in life - my childhood and teen phase was all wrong : socially, love, not fitting in...everything - so....sadly, of course I would end up as an incomplete adult.

How would you like for someone to try and help you figure this out? Don't just allow yourself to fall into a hole over it and not try to find a way out. You'll just waste even more time that way.

Do you actively involve yourself in trying to find people? Are you just waiting for people to come to you? What are you trying?

I wish you wouldn't cry, Hurtloam.

I'm going to make a doctors appointment tomorrow and go back on antidepressants. I think that I need to climb out of the hole first before I can move on.

The thing that frustrates me is that even one tint mistake can completely ruin the beginning of what could be a relationship.

No wonder I have anxiety when no one is willing to accept me for who I am.

It's always mix ups or just misfortune. I arrange to meet up with a guy, but I get ill, transport fails etc and I don't get second chances.

Mod note:

Following a reported post here for being out of place, please remember when posting here that The Haven primarily exists for help and support. General banter is better located in Random. Peace.

I habe my sister and a couple of close friends, but I feel like I'm just bringing them down. So I vent here so that I don't drag them down.

I could reach out to a church pastor, but I feel like I'm not good at expressing myself in person and I'm too close to them, they're friends, so I always just end up having a nice chat. I have a bit of responsibility at church myself, believe it or not, I am good at encouraging others. People do come to me. But I'm not good at looking after myself. I think I've burned out. Maybe I should directly say I need help rather than being my positive self. Maybe I should say that I'm the one who needs help now.

Although to be fair I feel like that with therapists I've seen, even though they are strangers I feel like all I'm doing is having a nice chat.

The thing with therapists is they have work hours when I have work hours and I'm going to be starting a new job soon. I can't ask for time off for therapy!

I will go to the doc and get antidepressants and I'll talk to someone about how I feel. I promise.

I've had many "nice chats" which have helped enormously.

Many times. a "nice chat" could serve as a sort of "indirect" therapy.

Sorry to hear that, knowing what you are going through, I don't think anything one can say can comfort you.

I wish you luck.

I think, sometimes, just talking to somebody in person or online helps a lot more than just being alone with things.

I feel like I messed up. I wouldn't have thought that I had a chance with this guy if he hadn't shown an interest in me first and I feel like ife lost that interest now because I messed up. I don't think I reciprocated properly. I didn't know what to do.

I'm having trouble forgiving myself for being so stupid. I feel like I've lost something I didn't even have.

It hurts so much.