Why ain't my cousin on the spectrum?

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No, I'm just perceived as weak. I have social boundaries and I KNOW my social boundaries. In fact it's more intuitive when offline than online.
Online (on forums like this where I'm anonymous) I "let me hair down" more because I know I'm hiding behind a screen, but I don't use that to be malicious or anything, but I mean I can assert myself better online is what I'm saying.

Offline is ironically easier. I am good at intuitively saying what I know people want to hear. Like a couple of weeks ago a guy at work who I don't like much but don't let him know that, said he had found another job so will be leaving. I knew exactly what to say that was appropriate even though inwardly I was pleased to hear he was going. But my expressions and words were different to what I was really thinking. But he seemed touched by my "aw it's a shame to be losing you but I'm happy for you that you found another job you wanted" sort of words and gestures. I was interested in what his new job was so we casually struck up a conversation about it. I could sense that he wanted to see what my reaction would be when he told me about leaving, as we have had a few disagreements in the past, but he seemed happy with the response.

The way I, and most NTs see it, is being honest isn't always respectful. The most respectful thing to do is to give them what they want to hear. I understand the why and the how completely.

Then what are you saying about being autistic and wanting to be an NT for?


And not that type of "honesty".
That's a hammer-and-all-are-nails bluntness honesty a stereotypical aspie would claim as honest.
Or the comedic social suicidal 'I'm a target kick me' honesty for the socially awkward.

I meant 'mirror' honesty, which IS closer to what NTs generally want to hear because it's more about themselves, and it shows more about themselves than the person who speaks to them.

And no, not all what everyone to hear and see precedes ideal outcome.
That's just agreeableness. Or pliantness. Or fear of uncertainty and conflict. Or worse, gullible naivety no different from being intimidated into give out all your guts to be spilled out.
If your instinct is to say what others want to hear, then maybe it is how you are perceived as weak.

This is also how less ideal dynamics in dysfunctional relationships stays unchanged and hard to leave, this is also how manipulation happens, this is also how enabling can continue, this is also how one detects a nice but not a particularly interesting person to hang around with.
This is how one can exploit an NT. This is also how NTs exploit one another.


Those are alternative views.
Make it as you will.


A "weak" persona can be used to an advantage. One can think of ways.
But does this personality resonate with you? You aim to fit in. But what are you fitting yourself into?

And yes, I do understand that there are certain things that are easier to express offline as opposed to online.
But this is the only means we have.

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Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

Facebook is not real life!

I don't want this thread to turn into a discussion about transgenders, I was merely using it as an example of majority Vs minority.


I hate being me, I mean why am I so painfully sensitive? I seem to be SCARED, as in TERRIFIED, of being disliked or having someone speak to me in a certain tone or have hostility aimed at me non-verbally. Is it that I have gotten more sensitive since losing my mum? Is it part of anxiety? Is it just typical RSD? Is it because it reminds me of how worthless I am and brings me back memories of my high school days when other kids wouldn't let me be part of their group?

I think I better start getting a type of job where I can work from home so that I won't have to feel the pain of other people's s**t. And because I'm worthless, people with work-related issues usually use me as a punchbag, which is acceptable if an NT does it to an Aspie, because we're apparently not deserving of respect or dignity. If I did it to an NT then people here would just lecture me that I lack empathy or something and that the person I'm taking my issues out on has feelings and all that crap. I have more insecurities than most NTs yet do I go around taking it out on other people who don't deserve it? No. Because I'm weak and too nice. So I get treated like s**t in return, which is OK because I'm just an Aspie.

And people wanna know why I hate being on the spectrum so much. It's shameful.

Why do you end up talking about gender in all your threads when they aren’t about gender, but then you say you don’t want to talk about gender?

Serious question.