Do i deserve this label?

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Why do you think some people stare to much?


One creepy habit I need to work on fixing is asking a woman to sit on my lap as a form of flirtation/sexual reasons. But again in my defense I only say that when I am drunk.

Last edited by Jamesy on 02 May 2023, 11:47 am, edited 2 times in total.

Jamesy,

If a man was staring at you or watching you at the pub how would you feel?
What if you didn't know what he was thinking?
What if you'd heard he's been there for years staring at men?
What if you thought he might want to be sexual with you?

Some people are checking others out for sexual reasons which is why it’s creepy and makes people uncomfortable.

We’ve had this conversation several times before, so I’m not sure if you’re trolling.

Obviously I wouldn’t like it. I have not told you this but there was an incident back in 2016 when a drunk guy grabbed my balls. 2 women have touched my balls before as well but not as intimately as the guy did it.

If you wouldn't like it, try to imagine women wouldn't like it either.

That's what empathy means.
Imagine how the women would feel.
It doesn't matter whether a woman has been assaulted before or not.
Chances are she feels anxious or vulnerable just like you did.

Do You think that the guy who called me a weirdo back in front of some girls was trying to protect them or was showing off?

How would we know what his intentions were?





This isn't going to go anywhere. It requires introspection.

If I behaved that way when I was drunk, I wouldn’t get drunk in public, not that I do anyway.

(We’ve discussed this before, too.)

Being drunk, just like being autistic, is no excuse for this type of behavior.

Here’s what Fnord posted in 2020



Why Are We Creeped Out?

Webster's defines a "creep" as "a strange person whom you strongly dislike" and "an unpleasant or obnoxious person". It also defines "the creeps" as "an uncomfortable feeling of nervousness or fear". Thus, feeling "creeped out" is a response to a potential threat; even an ambiguous one. This reaction could be adaptive, something humans have evolved to feel; with being "creeped out" as a way to maintain heightened vigilance during a situation that could be dangerous.

The Creepzone

If people actively avoid you, if they try to get away from you, if they don't welcome your presence, or if they are openly hostile toward you, then they may be thinking of you as "creepy".

While there seems to be no official definition for the "creepzone", it's meaning may be inferred. Thus, when a person is obviously being avoided by others in social situations, then it is likely that the person has been "creepzoned"; that is, others may experience "an uncomfortable feeling of nervousness or fear" whenever that person is around. But why could this be?

Who's a Creep?

According to Dr. Frank T. McAndrew Ph.D. in "How We Decide Who's Creepy", people perceived as "creepy" are likely to:

• Be males more than females

• Behave unpredictably

• Display non-normative "body language" and emotional behaviors

• Display unusual patterns of eye contact (i.e., always or never).

• Have non-normative hobbies or occupations

• Persistently steer conversations toward peculiar or unpleasant topics

• Possess non-normative physical characteristics

Related to all of this, females are more likely than males to perceive some sort of sexual threat from a "creepy" person, especially if that person is male -- less so from younger or shorter males, and more so from older or taller males.

Parallels to Asperger's Syndrome

Coincidentally, males are more likely than females to be diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, the symptoms of which include (but are not limited to):

• Unusual behavior (i.e., advanced or archaic vocabulary, contact avoidance, endless talking, rocking, selective mutism, stimming, too loud or too quiet, whining, et cetera)

• Unusual patterns of eye contact (i.e., forced gaze, little or no eye contact)

• Persistent focus on peculiar or unpleasant topics of conversation (i.e., special interests, conspiracy theories, bodily functions, personal experiences, sex and sexuality, et cetera)

• Non-normative non-verbal and emotional behaviors (i.e., easily distressed, jumpiness, prone to meltdowns, sensitivity to criticism, stimming, little or no "body language", et cetera)

• Non-normative physical characteristics (i.e., awkward gait, physical clumsiness, rigid posture, et cetera)

• Non-normative hobbies (i.e., collections of what is commonly considered "trash", obsessiveness toward one hobby to the exclusion of social activities, et cetera)

• Non-normative occupations (i.e., unemployed, in a job that might commonly be considered demeaning or disgusting, or in a job requiring little or no social contact)

• Poor grooming, fashion sense, or hygiene (i.e., acne, unkempt or greasy hair, too much cologne, unshaven, body odor, wearing damaged or wrinkled clothing, mis-matched clothing, et cetera)

• Aggressive or intimidating behavior (i.e., standing too close, clenched fists, abusive or insulting language, expressionless voice, et cetera)

• Insulting or demeaning behavior (i.e., correcting what others say, derailing the topic of conversation, demeaning or ignoring other people's emotional distress, interrupting, et cetera).

Thus, the classic symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome would seem to inspire a "creepy" feeling in others, and be a one-way ticket to the "creepzone" for the Aspie. Unfortunately, the fact that more females than males perceive a "creepy" person as a sexual threat means that most "creepy" people will be males; and the fact that Asperger's Syndrome is diagnosed more in males than in females means that most of those "creepy" males will likely have Asperger's Syndrome.

I rest my case

Oh, so you’re looking for excuses to justify your behavior. Got it.

You have awareness. You ARE capable of not behaving like a creep.

You don’t think there’s some truth then to what Fnord posted though? For example given to much or to little eye contact is something that many people on the spectrum struggle with.

I don't understand your point.

Yes, those behaviours can be seen as creepy.

We've told you that.

We've suggested that you stop going to that pub where you already have a reputation from the past.
We've suggested that you stop going to pubs, period.
If people judge you as creepy for staring, it won't help matters for you to also be drinking.
We've also suggested that you stop staring at people or wanting them to sit on your lap.

Just because a person might be autistic it doesn't mean they can't behave in public.
Lots of autistic people have partners or even get married.
You know which behaviours cause red flags for women, so it's a good time to work on change.
You can't just say "I'm creepy because I have Aspergers, so they'll have to deal with it."

Personally I struggle with too little eye contact.
I don't even look at my partners.
A lot of people read me as being cold or a snob because of it.
If I didn't want to be judged as being cold, I'd have to work on changing the behaviour.

There may be some truth to it, but I don’t think it should be used as an excuse for one’s behavior. You know that your behavior is inappropriate. It’s not like you are unknowingly creeping people out.

Do you see the difference between ignorance and awareness?

Yes I do. Sorry I don’t mean to come across as arrogant.

The bottom line: If you don’t want to be called a creep, stop behaving like one. Period.

Until then, you probably deserve the label.