Who is feeling suicidal?

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I've often thought of suicide. I figured four people would show up for my funeral, my family and my therapist. But, now when I consider myself that way, I remember this saying

Often the test of courage is not to die, but to live.
Vittorio Lafteri

I have to share a story that explains why I would never go to a hospital emergency room if feeling suicidal. I once called a local crisis line, and expressed that I was overwhelmed and possibly suicidal. They promised to send out a crisis team, and have a talk with me. When they arrived, they suggested that I should go to the ER and get an evaluation. I had a 10 year old daughter at the time, and said that I didn't want to leave her alone, so they said to bring her along.
I finally agreed, and started to go upstairs to get my shoes. Suddenly one of the workers said "don't let her go upstairs! She might try to jump out of a window!" Even though I had already agreed to go to the ER voluntarily, the other worker called the police while I was still trying to explain to the first worker that I was only going after my shoes! The police arrived, and I was forced to ride in the car with them, along with my daughter. I was humiliated in front of my neighbors, who probably thought I was being arrested for something.

When I got to the ER, the next stage of their hidden agenda was revealed. They kept trying to lure my daughter away from me with offers of cookies and milk. I told her to sit tight, and she, by now terrified, obeyed. I fond out later that they had called some other agency, and had a caseworker all ready to take my daughter away from me, while I was being evaluated. There was another person standing by the door of the evaluation room, wearing a pair of rubber gloves and a smirk. I was sick with terror by now, since I had no idea how far they would go. When the psychiatrist finally arrived, he at least was reasonable. He expressed amazement that I had been treated the way that I was and not only recommended that I return home, but file a complaint against the Crisis workers. Which I did. The lesson that I learned, was that if you ask for help from some agency, you might get more than you bargained for, including duplicity and betrayal.
Sorry if this sounds negative.

I want to overdose on something just to get attention.

Hartzofspace, that's disgusting what they did to you. And that smirk was totally out of line.


Ebec, I know how you feel; people think I'm fine because I function or whatever. They don't care until you're dead and then they're all boo-hoo and saying nice things about you, but you're not there to hear it.

I'm feeling suicidal right now. It use to be real bad when I drank but now I can't. I'm sick of ppl who ruin my day by putting me down. I know there's some good ppl out there it's just that the jerks really know how to stab me in the chest.