Rants

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I don't even want to know. I hate seeing and hearing people getting told off because it kills me to get told off.

I wish I was dead. I'm sick of trying to be happy for other ppl and then having them tear me down. All suicide does is put me into hospitals so I guess I just can't do it. It just hurts all the time and I've tried be strong for myself. Apparently I'm too fragile on the inside to be strong.

I hate it, I want a drink so bad to ease this crap off.

24/7 I feel like I'm dying! It's terrifying, it's depressing, it's horrible. I don't want to hang out with someone who isn't an Aspie who's coming over today because I don't feel like I'd be accepted by a NT. I don't want to isolate myself either. I want to be with my friends.

Why do all this exercise if I still feel guilty eating a cookie?

Why do anything, it would be easier to just stop eating than endless, tiring exercise.

Walking I love much, but the cycling often makes me feel yucky.

I hate my real name. How hard can the name, Shelby be to understand. I want it changed to Jane, Barb, Jill, Anne or Sid. A one syllable name.

I hate my name because its too short

I also hate my luck with the opposite sex
they always have boyfriends
its like every girl I like reads my mind and gets a boyfriend to spite me
and make me feel like s**t
I was tolerating school because I had something to look forwards to in the day
not anymore
no...
and I gotta sit beside her
and listen to her talk
not like we're even friends or anything
she drove me home once, she's shown no interest in spending any time at all with me
I don't like to talk much, and it seems I was better in the corner
alone

I've been in full withdrawal from Celexa for 2 weeks, and partial withdrawal for like a month because I still took some but was taking less! Why am I getting all this s**t now? Zappy things are crawling on me, giving me aches and pains and depression if I don't act ADD-ish and move around and put pressure in the right places and talk about it. Is this like really normal? At least now I'm mostly sorted out and stimulated more and expressed every hidden problem I had so I feel so much better than I did a month ago.

I tell people what's going on in my head, and they up the dose. I don't really expect anything anymore.

People aren't as amazing as they're cracked up to be. Except some.


I feel like I have PTSD. I don't know why. I'm scared of anyone in any position of power over me. I'm terrified of being silenced, shut up, muzzled, whatever you call it, for my own good, like the Judge Rotenberg Center does to children and adults "for their own good, to enable learning and behavior modification". It's terrifying. It's institutionalized torture and murder (and yes, they killed 6 students). I don't know what I would do if I ended up in one of those concentration camps. I'm so scared I will some day. The JRC takes anyone but sex offenders and people with serious physical medical problems. Do you know what this might encourage people to do?


When I was a kid, I believed the courts or Social Services would side with my mother if I went to them. She told me that they would say that since I was under 18 she had every right to choose what I wore, what I ate, how often I went out or if I went out, because after all, she LOVED me, and I should be grateful, and I didn't know how lucky I had it, and all that BS. And I believed it. I was a gullible idiot who believed it. I was so scared it was true. I was scared that if I rebelled too much, I would go to a juvenile detention center, and if I rebelled too much in there, I would be sent to some awful behavioral place.

I hate you reality you always bring me down, if I could live in my head, I wouldn't need to worry about getting a job with my biology degree I mean come on who's going to pay me to play around a lab? Stupid reality, if I didn't have to worry about you I wouldn't feel so bad about myself and all my shortcomings which all deal with YOU reality

I'm totally there with you. Just a quick word: do't ever let anyone tell you to live in reality. They aren't living in reality themselves if they believe that being so undiplomatic trying to get you to live in reality, is going to get you to live in reality.


I feel bad and have for a while. Will I feel this way forever? What a way to spend your life.

My father only likes women who are thin. He made that very clear, when he said, to my mum, that one of my sister's friends was looking better, and that she was thinner. I'd like to sit on top of my dad's tiny little frame, and head and crush every bone, in his body. I'd watch him grimace in pain, and plugging his nose from my sweet, sometimes unwashable butt odour. :O)

I hate depressed eople. Thwey're fat, crabby, bitchy, ugly, depressing, lazy, boring, tired and ugly and yawning all thge time and every day is a bad day for them. Nothing is ever going their way, they get stressed at everything, take their s**t out on everyone, often they're dirty and gross and disgusting, moaning in a low sickening voice, wailing and groaning and always in pain, and I never want to be like that, but what if I'm turning into one?


The worst ones don't recognize it, a lot. They're the ones who think they're being honorable by going to work and performing a lousy job and pretending to be happy but it's obvious they're not thinking it's more respectful. I do't have a shred of respect for them. I think they're stupid. Stupid and inept and snooty, pretending to be intelligent educated people who are just constantly victims.

People who feign serious distress for attention annoy me. Many people have problems, and subjectively, some are worse than others, yeah, but if you're not willing to do or try to do anything about it, then too bad. Everyone needs some help to get going sometimes, but that sometimes doesn't last forever; there's a limit before they begin to realize that you'll never change, that the effort's wasted. The world is not dedicated to throwing pity and encourgament upon you so that you can turn around again and do the same damn thing, over and over and over until you're a snivelling mess on the floor again, whining that you're such a poor soul, then becoming defensive when anyone gives words that you don't like. Pathetic.

I'm not talking about once or twice or even half a dozen times; everyone relapses, and it takes time, and yeah, I get that. But to do it so many times that I see a new complaint - and not even new in details, only new in wording - every week, for more than a month... It's absurd.

Past a certain point, you're responsible for your own life. Maybe it's not perfect, and maybe it even sucks, but people can't change everything for you, and that pity is a shallow comfort, because you're pitying yourself. Make a decision and stick with; go out and get some help if you actually want to live a better life. Don't go all tragic Hamlet on everyone who's unfortunate enough to be around you. You've got to do stuff by yourself, for yourself, because sitting back and whining won't get you anywhere.

Past a certain point, no one cared about the wolf the boy cried about.

I've had enough of ignorant leeches.